So Far Gone
by SHolmes4
Summary: Continuation of Playing with Fire and More than an Arrangement...  so read those first    Cute AU fun where Dean and Cas continue on with their relationship for the first year of living together!
1. So far gone

Things where finally starting to get back to normal. Cas was out of the hospital and Dean was working again, but some things needed time. Castiel was still feeling fairly tired and his healed wounds ached, he took up yoga for his physical therapy. He did yoga every day, but it was the lack of job that was really starting to get to him.

"I'm bored, Dean," Cas states, plopping onto the couch and resting his head on Dean with his feet hanging off the end.

"You could get a job," Dean offers still watching the TV movie that was on.

"Doing what, may I ask?"

"I don't know, what are you good at or like to do?"

"Hmm," Cas contemplates. "Is there much call for male prostitution?"

Dean tenses, not liking that at all, even though he knows Cas is joking. "Wouldn't know, but that is something you're good at." He smirks, "Might want to try the straight and narrow though."

"I suppose," he looks up un-amused at Dean, as if this is the hardest task in the world.

"Well," Dean takes pity on him, running his hand through his dark hair. "You could be a waiter at a restaurant or starbucks guy or…" He trails off trying to think of more options, Cas giving the 'that involves people' look. "What about the library?"

"The library," He reiterates. "That might be pleasant."

"There ya go!" Dean smiles, going back to the show, "Plus it's an excuse to get you some sexy sweater vests."

Cas groans, closing his eyes. "Must we add librarian to your ever growing list of fetishes?"

"Mmm," he contemplates wistfully rubbing his hand over Castiel's chest. "I'm sure we could knock some books off the shelves."

The joke earns him a glare. "I would have to reshelf them," Cas deadpans, "You're all ready creating more work for me and the job is hypothetical."

"Not for long, tomorrow we're getting you a job." Dean tells him, gently nudging Cas so he can stand up.

"Fine," Cas grumbles, stretching out on the couch as Dean heads to the bathroom. "Grab my pack." He calls after Dean.

Dean grabs the pack from the bedroom on his way back from the bathroom, he finds Cas dozing on the sofa. He watches him for a second.

"I know you are watching me," Cas states his eyes still closed.

Dean tosses the pack onto Cas's chest, "I don't know what you're talking about, babe."

"Lies."

Cas sits up a bit, allowing Dean to reclaim his seat. Dean kissing him briefly, before he lays back down.

"Whatever," Dean sighs as Cas starts smoking.

He goes back to the show, his hand drawing on Cas's skin. They stay like that for the duration of the cigarette. Castiel puts out the butt and lies back down, before he lets out a frustrated noise and sits up. Dean too enthralled in the show to notice anything, until Cas is straddling him.

"Bored." Cas informs him like it's an order that needs to be fixed, locking his arms behind Dean's neck as he leans in to place a slow kiss to the other man's lips.

"Oh," Dean whispers, when Cas pulls back from the kiss.

"Mhmm."

Dean brings their mouths together again roughly, mapping out the contours of Cas's mouth like it's the first time. The relief that Cas was ok was still evident with in him, but no one was complaining so.

Cas kisses back with just as much force, pulling Dean's hair to expose his throat. He nips and kisses down Dean's jaw and licking the juncture of his neck, before sucking gently and nibbling to leave his mark.

Dean groaning at the ministrations, "Cas," he rasps out.

Cas pulling back to look at his handy work before kissing him again slowly.

"Cas," Dean tries again.

Cas pulls back, cocking his head to the side in confusion.

"Would, um, maybe we should…" He falters.

"What is it, Dean?"

"I was thinking we should get an apartment," He manages to get out as Cas licks the shell of his ear, causing him to shiver.

"That might be nice," Cas whispers darkly into Dean's ear.

"God," Dean groans pulling Cas by his hair to kiss him again, his hands sliding up the dark haired man's shirt and gripping his arms around him as he moves.

He flips them so that Cas's back is against the couch with Dean barreling over him. Dean's still a bit cautious with him, he knows Cas doesn't always let on to how much he's in pain etc. However, Dean can see it in an instant in Cas's eyes.

"You ok?" Dean asks.

Cas takes a breath before nodding at him, "Yes."

Dean gives him a look, he knows it's not entirely true. Cas pushes him off, moving slowly to stand up.

"Damn it Dean." Cas huffs striding from the room, "I'm not going to fucking break."

"I know that," he starts to defend himself.

"You better get over this shit before we move." Cas throws at him, slamming the bedroom door.

Dean knew he would, he just needs time, and it would work out. He was just too pleased with the fact that Cas said yes to living together to dwell on it right now. Cas needed space right now so he'd wait and think of the future.


	2. Tell me the wars you're fighting

Thanks again guys: ENJOY!

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><p>The next day, Dean wakes up to find Cas stretched out on the floor is some kind of yoga pose with a cigarette between his lips.<p>

"That can't be healthy," Dean murmurs to him trying to will the sleep out of him.

"It helps me relax."

"I'd make you quit if you weren't so damn sexy doing it," He smirks watching the dark haired man switch positions. "Plus you would be such a bitch without them," he smirks.

"This was easier when you where unconscious," he huffs around his cigarette and standing up.

Dean watches him as he stretches his shirtless torso, his eyes falling on the newer scars. There was a scar on his side from the bullet and the sigil tattoo on his chest was now half scarred from whatever Crowley did before they escaped. They never really talked about it, Dean figured it was better to just move on with life and if it came up they'd work on it.

"I'm going to shower," Cas says leaning next to the bed to put out his cigarette. "You better hall ass if you plan on coming today." He slips from the bedroom.

"We're getting you a job," Dean remembers throwing the covers off and following after Cas.

They take a shower together, Dean trying his best to distract Cas. Placing little kisses on his shoulders and lathering the soap over his body, Cas leaning back into the touch and doing his best to stay focused.

"Dean," Cas warns as Dean nuzzles his neck.

"Hmm…"

"We have things to do today," He states as Dean nibbles his ear, his body betraying him, "Important things."

"We do," Dean agrees continuing his ministrations.

"Your very distracting," Cas turns facing Dean, he nudges him against the wall and kisses him deeply.

Dean fully distracted by the slick body pressing against him, until the water shuts off and Cas slips out of the shower away from him.

"What the hell," Dean gripes, pulling back the shower curtain getting a towel thrown in his face.

"There are more pressing matters," Cas informs him wrapping the towel around his waist.

"I'd say," He motions to his half hard cock.

Castiel eyes him with mild disinterest, "I'm sure you can manage." Castiel leaves the bathroom to go get dressed.

"Fuck that," Dean swears quickly wrapping the towel around him to rush after Cas. He throws open the door and finds Cas getting dressed. "Come on man."

"I'm leaving in five minutes with or without you, Dean." He tells him flatly, throwing his tie around the collar of his shirt.

"Fine," Dean grumbles, willing his mild erection away as he gets dressed.

They don't talk the whole way to the library, Dean driving an old Mustang Bobby lent him until he can fix the Impala. Dean parks the car and the head up the large steps of the large old building, the pair head in earning odd looks from the stuffy old ladies working there.

"I heard the ladies here are bitches." Cas whispers to him.

"You'll fit right in then," Dean shoots back quietly, still peeved about earlier. "I'll be over here, when you're done." He points bee lining to a group of chairs, Cas glaring at his back before he heads to the information desk.

Dean waits for what feels like hours, he can't even remember the last time he even set foot in the library. He was getting bored enough to seriously contemplate browsing the books or just taking a nap sounded good. He goes starts to close his eyes when a familiar shadow falls over him.

"Let's go," Cas informs him.

"Bout time," Dean stands stretching. "You get the job?"

"Yes, I believe I have."

"Great," he smiles throwing his arms over Cas's shoulders, "See, I told you'd fit in."

Castiel shrugs off Dean's arm striding purposefully towards the car as he lights a cigarette. Dean watching him in confusion, he was acting really bitchy lately and Dean had no clue why.

"What the hell's up with you, man?" Dean asks him over the top of the car before unlocking it. "You got a job, dude." He adds as they slide into the car.

"Nothing Dean," Cas snaps back, "You're right, I've got a job and I start in a week." He crosses his arms looking out the window.

"Bull shit." Dean starts the car throwing it in reverse to back out the parking spot, "Is this about earilier?" He sighs, "Because I'm sorry, I didn't realize how important the library gig was."

"Very astute of you, Dean," Cas glares hard out the window. "You don't realize the importance of this."

"Then freaking talk to me, I can't always read your mind." Dean grits out. "I don't think I need to remind you what happened last time you didn't tell me anything." He knows it was a low blow, but it just kind of came out. An uncomfortable silence fell over them.

"This isn't normal for me," He glares daggers at the other man, "I used to sell drugs."

"Ya, but you don't any more. You're a librarian now, Cas, shit happens. You where always better than that crap, man."

"Am I, Dean, I kept doing it despite knowing that I didn't have to." Cas admits, "There was no need, but I knew if I stopped I couldn't get the drugs anymore." His shouts, unable to control himself, "I am no better than the rest of them." He says more to himself, then to Dean.

"Cas, that's not true." Dean looks at him at the stop light, but Cas avoids his gaze. "Just give it sometime, man." He places his hand on Cas's shoulder.

Castiel nods, "I'll meet you back at the apartment," he informs him gravely before he slips from the car jogging away.

"Cas!" Dean shouts, before the car behind him honks, letting him know the light had changed. "Fuck," He swears to himself driving back to Cas's.

Dean knew there was no point in trying to follow him, he'd come back when he was ready. There was nothing he could do till then. He got back and watched some TV before drifting off. He had no clue how long he was out for, but when he came to it was dark outside and there was noise coming from the kitchen.

He stood up to investigate; he knew it had to be Castiel because Gabe was out on another business trip. Dean found Cas sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle.

"Hello Dean," he greets.

"Cas, are you drunk? What happened?"

"I found a liqueur store," Cas shrugs.

"You not even 21." Dean states in disbelief.

"Details."

"I'm not letting you drink alone," he grabs the bottle from Cas sitting across from him before taking a swig.

Cas just stares at him intently, "I was foolish," he shakes his head. "It's just a job, psh." He scoffs at himself.

"Yep, nothing you can't handle." Dean chugs some more, wincing at the burn, he had a lot of catching up to do.

"I just put books on shelves, that's it," Cas slurs a little. "I don't get why the ladies are such bitches."

"Cat ladies man, cat ladies."

"Hmm," Cas thinks for a moment before almost laughing at the mental picture. "You should catch up, faster." He orders Dean.

"Calm down, drunko."

Cas glares at him comically in his drunkenness before stumbling to his feet. He steadies himself and then goes over to Dean, kissing him like an apology. He pulls back their eyes meeting, as he pulls of his shirt and heads out of the room. Dean grabs the bottle and follows after him, smirking to himself.

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	3. Behind the smile

Dean gets to the bedroom to find Cas waiting for him, all ready naked. He hands him the bottle of booze as he strips out of his own clothes, Cas watching him intently. Dean pulls the bottle out of Cas's hand as he crawls towards him. They kiss, Dean placing the near empty bottle haphazardly on the nightstand. He pushes Castiel down onto his back as he straddles him, deepening the kiss.

Cas's hands stroke Dean's thighs as they kiss, Dean stroking the other man's neck. Their growing erections bumping into each other's flesh, Dean pulls Cas's head back earning a soft grunt as he kisses down his neck; Castiel's one hand on the back of his head as he moves his hips up into Dean. Dean runs his tongue along the mark on Cas's clavicle, causing the dark haired man to tense with anticipation, before Dean nips at him.

"Dean," Cas hisses, his voice tinged with whiskey as he digs his nails into Dean's skin causing him to groan.

As soon as Dean pulls back, Cas moves so that he's on top. Dean grunts at the sudden movement. Cas digs his fingers into Dean's arm sliding them down with bruising force as he kisses down the man's chest. He licks at Dean's nipple before moving his other hand down between them to grasp their cocks. Dean hissing as he arches his back into the touch.

Cas starts to work them toward completion. Their hips moving as the grind against each other, Dean figuring Cas was too drunk for anything else, but so not complaining. The movements start to get frantic as they try to keep kissing each other.

"Fuck, god." Dean pants before cuming between them.

Cas arching forward bracing himself against Dean as he cums, he drops a soft kiss to Deans chest before moving off of him to lie back next to Dean.

Cas ends up passing out almost as soon as they finish, which Dean can't help but find hilarious. Dean tucks them in as Cas rolls over and spreads out like an octopus, which he always does when he goes to bed drunk. It doesn't really bother Dean, as long as he doesn't get hit; there are worse things than having your boyfriend's arms and legs thrown on top of you.

They both wake up fairly hung over, Cas taking some pills then passing them to Dean. Heads pounding as they lie in bed propped up against each other.

"I want juice and bacon," Dean states wistfully.

"That involves moving," Cas groans.

"This is your doing," Dean snuggles into Cas.

"My apologies."

"Let's get a maid when we move, to bring us food."

"A naked maid," Cas deadpans, clearly indicating where his mind would be if he wasn't so hung over.

"Yes," Dean nods, instantly regretting the motion.

They end up staying in bed for a few more hours before the need for food became too great, Cas groaning as he got up to tossing on the first pants he finds.

"Nice pants," Dean smirks as Cas looks down to realize they are in fact Dean's.

They're a little big, but they hang on his hips and he pulls on them slightly. Cas just shrugs and heads out of the room.

"Cereal," Dean calls after him unnecessarily, he hopes it's lucky charms.

Cas comes back a few minutes later with a bowl of cereal, a mug of juice and a plate of toast with chunky peanut-butter spread on top.

"We don't own bacon," Cas states glumly handing things to Dean, "Fucking Gabe."

"Rice crispies?" Dean whines a little as he takes a bite of the cereal.

"I like them, they taste clean."

"You're weird," He tells Cas around a mouthful of the cereal.

"Eat some toast," Cas orders, taking the bowl away from Dean.

Dean takes a huge bite out of the peanut-butter toast as he pouts about the cereal, Cas just rolling his eyes as he sips some juice. He hands the mug to Dean knowingly, humor in his eyes.

"You're going to choke," he informs him.

Dean flips him off as he tries to swallow down the sticky peanut-butter stuck in his mouth.

"Am not," He grumbles.

Cas sighs in a long suffering way as he shakes his head at Dean.

The next day they go apartment hunting, the realtor takes through their options before showing them the actual places.

"Over here is the bathroom and if you fallow me I'll show you the master bedroom." She whirlwinds through leaving Cas and Dean peeking into the bathroom.

"What do you think?" Dean asks.

"It's a bathroom," Cas shrugs.

"True."

They hear the lady calling them from the next room and they slowly make their way to join her.

"Does she ever stop?" Cas asks fiddling anxiously with a cigarette.

"Well, which one do you like best?" Dean asks stroking Cas's back abscently.

"There all the same," He starts, "But I think the first one would be most suitable."

Dean nods kissing the side of Cas's head before they run into the realtor.

"Go smoke I'll meet you out there," Dean whispers to him as he pats the small of his back, getting a relieved look from Cas.

Ten or so minutes later, Dean makes his way back to the car Cas sitting on the hood smoking.

"We pretty much got it!" Dean smiles with out stretched arms as he crosses towards the car. He stands between Cas's spread legs, his hands on the man's knees. "After we sign some stuff of course."

"Thank you, Dean," Cas exhales with his smoke, his hand toying with the band of Dean's pants.

"Mhmm," Dean hums leaning into Cas's touch.

He sees something catch Castiel's eye, but before he can turn to investigate, Cas has his lips pressed to his having pulled him in by his waistband. The kiss turns into something of a show, but Dean is along for the ride. They part, breathing deeply.

"What was that for?" Dean asks resting his forehead on Cas's.

Cas says nothing just looks over to the side, Dean's gaze following the same direction. The realtor lady is standing in shock by her car, her eyes wide. She jumps when she sees Dean had caught her and gets into her car to drive off quickly as possible. Dean just chuckles, turning back to Castiel.

"What a bitch," Cas deadpans.

"I hope she liked the show," Dean smirks, kissing him briefly before pulling away. "Let's go babe." He pats him on the arm as he heads to the driver side door.

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><p>:)REVIEWS(: = LOVE<p> 


	4. You're hiding

AN: Thanks again peeps! ;D and the story title/chap titles are from the James Blunt song So Far Gone...ENJOY

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><p>The night before Cas starts work, the two boys are busy packing up there possessions. It seemed easy at first, but you never really know how much stuff you have until you have to move it. Dean's over at Cas's helping him put all his things in boxes, having finished his room at home a couple days earlier. It had been fairly easy considering he'd been staying with Cas mostly.<p>

"Here," Dean awkwardly hands Cas a box.

"What is it?" Cas looks at it like it could be a bomb.

"Mom got you a present for your first day of work."

"Oh," Cas starts to open the package carefully. He moves the tissue inside to reveal a cobalt blue sweater vest with dark gray argyle. "Mary got this for me?" Cas asks skeptically.

"I had nothing to do with it I swear," Dean puts up his hands defensively, Castiel scrutinizing him.

"Very well, I shall wear it tomorrow."

Dean couldn't help the smirk that spread on his face as he pictured Cas wearing the new garment.

"Stop that," Cas glares at him.

"What?" He feigns innocence.

Cas just gives him a knowing look, placing the vest with his clothes before starting to pack things away again.

"So, breakfast before work tomorrow?" Dean asks hopefully.

"I suppose."

Dean knew that was yes and pulled Cas towards him by the collar of his shirt, pressing their lips together briefly.

"What," Cas starts to ask before kissing Dean again, "time," they kiss again, "is it?"

Dean glances at the clock, "Almost eleven."

"Hmm," Cas hums as they kiss again a little longer. "We should go to bed."

"Big day tomorrow," Dean agrees splaying his hand on Cas's chest as they kiss again.

"Indeed," he replies breathlessly.

"Tomorrow?" Dean questions, as they kiss deeply before adding, "We'll celebrate."

"Very well," Cas pouts a little pulling away before they go too far with this and heads to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Dean strips down to his boxers while Cas brushes his teeth, Cas returning shortly and they switch. After Dean gets back he finds shirtless Cas on the bed reading, the room looking strangely bare with most of the stuff in boxes.

"Bringing work home all ready?" Dean jokes, climbing into bed.

"Mmm," Cas hums absently as he turns the page.

Dean places his head on Cas's shoulder, Cas putting his arm around him as he keeps reading.

"Night Cas," Dean murmurs his eyes drifting close.

"Good night Dean." He slides his hand through Dean's hair.

A little while later Cas closes his book realizing that Dean had fallen asleep. He places the book on the nightstand and hits the light. He places a kiss to Dean's head before settling down for the night.

The alarm goes off the next morning horribly early, Dean waking up to hit snooze, he figured they could spares 5 more minutes for sleep. When it goes off again; Cas just mumbles in his sleep and rolls over, throwing his arm over Dean. Dean turns off the alarm, rubbing Cas's arm trying to get him up.

"Cas," He calls softly, "Cas, you gotta get up."

"Sleep," Cas snuggles into him.

"No sleep," Dean tells him, "Shower, you gotta get ready for work, babe."

"I'm sick."

"That's a lie," He chuckles, Cas groaning as the laugh jostles him. "Get your ass up or I won't buy you breakfast."

"I'm awake," Cas states, keeping his eyes closed as he sits up and shuffles to the bathroom to shower and such.

Dean stays in bed postponing getting up for as long as possible, deciding to get dressed once he heard the shower stop. Cas shuffles back in, his damp hair sticking up from being toweled and starts getting dressed still half asleep. Dean watches amusedly as Cas dawns his gray dress pants, white button down shirt and new sweater vest.

"I was promised breakfast," he states once he's all ready and waiting for Dean.

"All right let's go sexy librarian." Dean smirks winking at him.

Cas just glares at him as he lights a cigarette, he grabs his bag before they head out the door. Dean takes them to their diner; Cas smokes and reverently sips his coffee trying to wake up.

"You ok there sun-shine?"

"It's so fucking early," Cas stares into his coffee as if it knew the secrets of life.

"Not really," Dean checks the clock, "It's like 7 and you start at 8, talk to me when you work at 5am."

"That sounds horrible," he narrows his eyes at the thought.

"You get use to, man." Dean sighs taking a sip of his coffee.

Their food finally arrives, Cas picking at it; not functioning enough to eat all of it, expect his bacon. They head off, Dean driving him to the library as Cas smokes another Cigarette.

"I feel like a nerd," Cas picks at his vest starring at the library looming in front of them.

"I don't know how to break it to you," Dean starts with mock seriousness, "But you are a nerd."

Cas gives him a death glare.

"Don't get me wrong you area a bamf nerd, but still a nerd." He clarifies.

Cas sighs, glaring at the building as if willing it to explode. Dean puts his arm around Cas's shoulders, pulling him in for a brief kiss.

"Have fun, and make lots of friends at your first day," Dean smirks like he's sending a kid to its first day at school, he gets a look that says 'We shall see' as Cas goes to exit the vehicle.

"Good-bye Dean," He states gravely, like he's heading to his death.

"Good luck," He waves.

Dean sits there for a couple minutes watching idly as Castiel heads into the building; hoping that everything went well on his first day. He knew this was a perfect job for Cas, but that didn't mean it would work out. Librarians could be bitches, so for all he knew Cas may have just entered the lion's den. Which didn't bode well for his wounded deer look, but he figured if anyone approached Cas would have it under control. He was worrying for nothing.

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	5. I know you want to say

AN: This chapter was difficult...

Any way...

Thank you all for the lovely reviews! I do read them all and they are a great help with these stories, you guys are amazing!

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><p>Four o'clock finally rolls around and Dean is surprised to find Cas waiting outside for him, smoking. He watches Cas flick the butt and stride purposefully to the car.<p>

"How was work?"

"Long and tedious," Cas informs him, "And apparently I'm an idiot."

"What?" Dean asks as he pulls out of the parking lot.

"The old hag had to explain to me the Dewey decimal system and its importance ten times, even though I told her I all ready understood how to utilize it." Cas huffs, lighting another cigarette and cranking the window down. "The majority of them are older than half the books in the library."

"But you didn't get fired," Dean hedges nervously.

"No I have not."

"See, small victories," He smiles. "As long as you don't call anyone a bitch to their face, I'm sure it'll get better."

"It may be too late for that," Cas said quietly.

"You didn't," Dean chances a glance at him in disbelief.

Cas just avoids eye contact, smoking as he stares out the window silently.

"And you didn't get fired?" He asks again, skeptically.

"No, apparently she's being fired and no one liked her any way."

"Fair enough," Dean shrugs, "And you know what, it's only three or four days a week."

"That is true," Cas sighs.

"Yep, you just got to get used to it."

Cas nods and they drive in silence for a while.

"So, how you want to celebrate?" Dean smirks at Cas.

"I don't care, Dean."

"Come on man, is there something you want to do or go?" He gets no response so he continues, "You hungry?" Still nothing, so he switches tactics a little, "or horny?"

Cas shoots him a look, "I'm tired, Dean."

"Ok," Dean nods switching on the music as he takes them back to the apartment.

They get back, neither of them talking. Cas grabs his pill bottle out of his bag downing a couple before tossing the bag haphazardly on the floor and stomping to the bedroom. Dean just watching in mild confusion and follows after the other man. He leans on the door frame watching Cas struggles to get out of his sweater vest.

"You know, I was kind of looking forward to taking that off of you," Dean informs him, causing Cas to pause, one arm half out of the hole.

He blinks owlishly at Dean before nodding at him, "Well," he glares impatiently.

Dean pushes off the wall, crossing toward Cas. Their eyes lock as Dean grasps the hem of the sweater and lifts it up and over Castiel's head.

Cas kisses him quickly, "Thank you, Dean," he tells him looking down. He sides steps away, leaving Dean standing there when the bathroom door slams shut.

"Right," Dean says to the air, he had no clue what the hell was going on. He hears the shower start and heads into the kitchen, Dean grabs one of the cupcakes his mom had made for Cas as he hops up onto the counter to eat it.

The cupcakes where supposed to be a surprise, but Cas was tired or some bullshit and so Dean figured he wouldn't miss one of them. After he ate the cupcake he sat there for a while just thinking about things, he wasn't sure what was going on with Cas. It was only like 4:30 and ya 8 to 4 is a pretty decent work day, but still.

Dean started to realize that Cas was taking a longer shower than usual, so he hopped off the counter to go check on him. He knocked on the door, but there was no answer.

"Cas, you almost done in there?" He waits a beat with still no reply and knocks again.

Dean hears a sound like someone clearing their throat and turns the handle of the door. It was unlocked, but when he opened the door he found Cas perched on the toilet seat. Cas's legs tucked up against his chest and he's just staring despondently at the floor.

"Cas, you all right?" he asks, crouching down in front of him to look at his face.

"I didn't need to shower," Cas admits quietly, not looking him in the eyes.

"Ok," Dean nods.

"Are you sure about this, Dean?"

"About what?"

"This, us I guess," Cas sighs. "I just don't understand."

"What's there to understand?" Dean asks, "I love you," he clears his throat. "It's not that big of a deal," He shrugs trying to lighten things up again.

"Indeed," Cas states not really believing it. "I love you too," he sighs peeking up at the other man.

"Come on," Dean helps him stand up, "Let's get you a nap ok." He shuts off the shower and prods Cas off to bed.

That weekend they move to their new place. Gabe is still out of town, but John, Mary and Sam are more help then they need. The group of them lugging boxes and furniture up the stairs to the new apartment, Dean and Cas move the mattress while John instructs them.

"Only one bedroom huh," John gripes looking around the place.

"This is such a cute apartment," Mary looks around after nudging her husband.

"Thanks mom," Dean smiles at her.

"Can I stay over sometime?" Sam asks excitedly.

"Of course," Cas tells him.

"Awesome!" Sam places his box down.

After what seemed like a million trips all their stuff was finally inside and they were sweaty and exhausted.

"Well we'll leave you two boys to unpack," Mary smiles at them. "Don't forget church and family breakfast on Sunday." She hugs them each in turn.

"We won't mom."

"Thank you for all your help." Cas states.

Dean's family finally leaves and the pair lie down on the carpet willing some strength back into their bodies, as their fingers brush each other.

"Who's going to unpack this shit?" Dean jokes.

"You where supposed to hire a maid."

Dean laughs at Cas's remark, "Ya, this stuff isn't going to unpack its self." He sighs.

"If only," Cas sighs back.

"There's always tomorrow," he offers.

"Tomorrow," he reiterates.

Dean sits up a while later, "We should get some food."

"Hmm," Cas hums kissing Dean's shoulder and sliding his hand under the back of his shirt.

Dean turns and looks back at Cas with a smirk, before their lips meet.

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	6. Piece by piece

They get the majority of their things unpacked the next day and decide to head off to the store. Dean's parents had given them a gift card and the apartment was still lacking some décor, even with the combination of their possessions. Dean and Cas piled into the car and went down the street to the nearby everything store.

"What should we get?" Dean asks as he pushes their cart through the store.

"I don't know pictures or something," Cas offers, looking around.

"Maybe we should have made a list."

"Hmm," Cas just shrugs, "Let's go get groceries." He strides off towards the food section.

"Ok," Dean follows after him.

They head down the aisles stocking up on various food stuffs; like a giant chunky peanut butter, blackberry jelly, other condiments and some frozen dishes.

"Want to get lunch meat?" Dean asks stepping on the lower bar of the cart and propelling himself forward like it's a skateboard.

Cas looks at him like it's a weird question before almost smiling, "Yes."

"Finally get buy real food huh," He smirks at Cas.

"That will not be something I miss," He states, "Bacon," Cas adds running off to grab it from the cold section.

Dean just chuckles to himself as Cas grabs up some more items. They finish up on the food side of the store and head over towards home goods.

"This is ridiculous," Cas states picking up a fuzzy red toilet seat cover.

"I dunno, man," Dean shrugs at a loss, looking at the various items on the shelves. He turns back to say something to Castiel to find him nowhere in sight. "Cas?" Dean turns the cart around to find the damn ninja.

"Let's just get paint," Cas says sensing Dean next to him as he keeps staring at the wall of colors.

"It is allowed," Dean nods remembering the lease they signed.

They pick out a couple colors, figuring they only needed to pant the bedroom and the main room. Dean and Cas make their way to the check out, more than ready to head home.

As soon as they finish bring up the groceries Cas pushing things around and putting the tarps down.

"What are you doing?"

"We're," Cas corrects, "Painting,"

"Now?" Dean asks tiredly, he feels like he's been doing nothing but moving for the past three days.

Cas tilts his head his eyes softening, "Yes."

Dean can't resist the look that the dark haired man is currently giving him and just sights, "Fine." He helps Cas place the tarps down and get everything ready to paint, opening all the windows before Cas opens the can.

They get to work painting the main room a dark green and before long the first wall is done. Dean looks over to where he thought Cas was painting, but he wasn't there. He turned to look around, but before he could get the chance a wet hand collided with his upper arm.

"What the," Dean looks down to see a green hand print dripping paint down his arm.

Cas just stands there smirking as he looks at his wet hand.

"You," He shakes his head, grabbing Cas's wrist and forcing his hand onto the side of his own face. Castiel's eyes go wide with shock as Dean just laughs.

"Dean," He warns with fake venom.

"You started this."

Cas pulls Dean towards him by his shirt with his paint covered hand.

"I liked this shirt," Dean pouts.

"Oh," Cas's eyes narrow as he goes in as if he's going to kiss Dean and drags his fingers down the front of the taller man's ruined shirt.

Dean drops the paint roller on the tarp and pulls Cas in, their lips meeting briefly.

"Two can play that game," Dean growls lowly as he rips Cas's shirt at the v neck line.

A small gasp escapes Castiel's lips as he glares at Dean; then he reacts grabbing the back of Dean's neck with his paint hand and bringing their mouths together roughly. Dean's hands roaming over Cas's newly exposed skin.

They stumble along to the bedroom, their mouths moving together urgently as Cas rips Dean's shirt off his body. Cas pushes Dean onto the bed forcefully and undoes his pants, pulling them way. He kisses up Dean's chest, his jean clad erection pressing against Dean's.

Cas nibbles and sucks Dean's neck and jaw, running his tongue along Dean's ear. "You want me to fuck you?" He whispers his fingers brushing Dean's cock.

"Fuck, yes," Dean groans, flipping them over to remove Cas's pants as fast as possible.

He straddles the smaller man's hips kissing him soundly, pulling back to slip his fingers between Castiel's parted lips to wet them. He clams his fingers back and quickly gets himself ready. Dean sinks down onto Cas's hard cock, panting slightly as he adjusts. Cas's hand on his one hip and the other stroking Dean's erection, as they start to move at a frantic pace.

Cas moves his hips in time with Dean's there grunts and groans mixing together as work together. Dean bracing himself on Cas's shoulders, arching forward as Cas hits the right spot.

"Fuck, Cas, ya," Dean pants, his movements stuttering.

"Dean," Cas rasps, dragging his nails down Dean's back.

They finish with in moments of each other sweaty and thoroughly debauched. They pull apart, Dean moving off of Cas and resting his head against his chest, their breathing still labored.

"Painting was a good idea," Dean whispers against Cas's skin.

"This room is next." Cas nods as he puts his arm around Dean, before they drift off to sleep.

Dean ends up panting the bedroom by himself on Monday while Cas is at work, they had picked out a vibrant blue that actually matched the steel colored sheets on the bed. Cas's job had gotten better as soon as his training was over and he actually seemed to be enjoying it, which Dean was really happy about.

He knew Castiel was still taking his prescribed drugs and had his own stash, but at least he wasn't selling anymore. That fact alone made him ten times safer in Dean's mind. They where shaping up to fairly upstanding members of society, at least for 18 year olds any way.

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><p>THANKS! :)review(:<p> 


	7. We fall apart

After Dean's done painting he's exhausted, he's been doing so much lately that he hopes he's not warring himself down. He showers and sees that there are still a couple hours before he has to pick up Cas. He falls onto the bed that he moved into the main room to paint and passes out.

"Dean?" A deep voice calls, "You here?"

Dean blinks groggily at the noise and rolls over as Cas appears in the doorway.

"Cas?" Dean rasps, his throat feeling scratchy, "What?" He looks at the clock to see it's almost 5:30, he had over slept. "Shit."

"What the hell happened?" Cas grumbled, pissed off that he had to walk home as he bangs around the kitchen. "You where supposed to pick me up."

Dean moved to sit up, but apparently did it too fast, getting a head rush. "I over slept," he gets out sniffling, "Sorry," he mumbles.

"You are not well," Cas appears before him, his brow creased in concern.

"I'm fine, Cas. It's nothing," Dean brushes him off standing up and instantly feels nauseous.

"You're pale and you do not sound fine."

"Cas," he starts before rushing to the bathroom to retch.

Castiel follows him, Dean flushing the toilet and looking over to see Cas leaning in the door frame.

"You look like shit," Cas blinks at him.

"Thanks," Dean murmurs as he sits back on the cold tiles. "I feel like it too."

"You are sick, then." He softens.

Dean just shrugs half heartedly, less nauseous but still not feeling well.

Cas sighs moving towards Dean, "Bed, now." He orders helping Dean up and stripping him down to his boxers and t-shirt.

"It's nothing," He tries to protest.

"Dean." Cas warns before he leads Dean to the main room and tucks him into the bed.

"Cas?" Dean grabs on to his arm stopping him from going.

"I'll be right back," he assures him stroking his hair gently.

He goes off into the kitchen and takes out his cell phone to make a call as he passes the linoleum.

"Hello?" A pleasant voice answers on the third ring.

"Hello, Mary."

"Castiel, how are you?" Mary greets warmly.

"Fine, thank you." He starts politely, his tone betraying him.

"Is everything ok?" She asks with concern.

"Um," Cas starts peeking out to make sure Dean can't hear him. "Dean is not feeling well, he vomited and I do not know what to do." He admits.

"Oh, sweetie it'll be ok." Mary assures him. "Soup, ginger ale and cough syrup should do the trick." She instructs him, "He usually just sleeps it off, but if he gets a fever a cold compress or if you can, a bath."

"Ok," Cas sighs still a bit panicky, "I just feel powerless."

"You are not powerless Castiel, it's just the flu. Dean will be fine." Mary tells him gently. "He's in good hands and if you need any help you just call me ok."

"Thank you, Mary," He says feeling a little better.

"I'll let John know Dean won't be in tomorrow, all right?"

"Yes, thanks again."

"You're welcome hunnie, give Dean a hug for me."

They hang up, Cas checking to see if they have any ginger ale which they thankfully do. He grabs a can and a large pot, just in case, to place next to Dean who's sleeping. After making sure he has Dean all set he goes into the bedroom to change out of his work clothes, he pads back turning the TV on low in case Dean wakes up and wants to watch it. Castiel tucks the blankets around him and lies next to Dean on the bed, to read. Cas gets a few pages in before Dean shifts towards him.

"Cas," he murmurs as he cuddles around him, "cold."

He puts his book down, slipping under the covers and pulls Dean towards him. It was a bit too warm, but if it helped Dean fell better it was worth it. They stay like that for a couple hours, before Cas is awakened by the movement of covers being throw off of him.

"Dean?" He blinks looking around.

"Sorry, it was hot," Dean states sitting up with his back to Castiel.

Cas just nods sitting up rubbing Dean's back gently, "There's ginger ale on the floor there if you are thirsty." He tells him. "And I can make soup if you are hungry."

"Thanks," he picks up the soda and sips it slowly. "I'm not really hungry, right now."

"Very well," Cas nods realizing he actually is hungry and goes off to the kitchen as Dean turns the TV up to watch something.

He just grabs some juice, lunch meat and crackers eating them in the kitchen as he sits on the counter. He was thankful that he didn't have to work tomorrow, but he probably would have to go to the store. He checks the cabinet seeing that there's no soup and they don't have cough syrup.

Cas grabs his mug heading back into the next room, where Dean had moved the blankets to set up camp on the couch.

"Where are your keys?"

"Why?" Dean asks peeking out from his cocoon of blankets.

"We need things," Cas sighs expectantly waiting for the keys.

"They're on the nightstand."

Cas fetches the keys and returns to sit on the arm of the sofa next to Dean.

"Will you be ok, for a while?" Cas asks feeling Dean's forehead.

"I guess I'll live," Dean mumbles burring himself deeper into the blankets.

"I'm just going to the corner store," Cas kisses the top of Dean's head through the blankets before toeing on his shoes and heading out the door. "I'll be right back."

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><p>:)REVIEW(: MERCI!<p> 


	8. With every beat

Twenty minutes and a pack of cigarettes later, Cas came back to find the lump on the couch snoring noisily while the TV rumbled. He had collected himself enough to be able to help Dean out; he just hoped he didn't catch whatever it was in the process. He slipped off his shoes and placed the cough syrup on the coffee table and then he shook the soda can he left there earlier to find it mostly empty.

Cas went to the kitchen to unload the other items and grab another ginger ale for Dean, after quickly downing a couple pills. He was still a little worried; sometimes he could barely take care of himself let alone another person. Cas pulled out another cigarette and lit it, power smoking until he heard Dean call form him. "Shit," he says to himself as he puts it out the butt in the sink and grabs the soda can.

"Yes, Dean?" He questions, coming around the corner.

"You're back," Dean sniffed from under the covers.

"That is correct," Cas places the can in front of him and sits on the coffee table. "Are you feeling any better?"

Dean just shakes his head pathetically even though he hated to seem vulnerable, but it was different around Cas.

Castiel opens up the medicine he got at the store to measure out the proper dose for Dean, "Here, take this."

Dean nods taking the medicine in one gulp and handing the little plastic measurer back to Cas, "Will you sit with me?" He clears his throat.

"Very well," Cas agrees, Dean leans forward to allow him to slip on to the couch behind him.

He sits back, resting against Cas's chest as the other man raps his arms around him. "Thanks, Cas." Dean snuggles down a bit closing his eyes.

"You're welcome, Dean." Cas kisses his head, watching TV.

They stay like that the rest of the night only moving when Dean gets too hot or too cold, Cas trying his best to soothe him. Castiel wakes up a bit after dawn, the light coming through the windows becoming too much to bare. He cracks his neck trying to work out the kink from sleeping in an awkward position and looks down at Dean. He's still asleep, mouth open because he's probably stuffed up and possibly drooling.

Cas sighs, as he tries to extract himself from Dean and the couch as quietly as possible. He ends up falling on his ass, but it got the job done. He does a couple yoga stretches and then crawls over the mattress on the floor to try and get some sleep.

His peace however is short lived when Dean wakes up in time to rush to the bathroom. Cas winces, praying this just a dream before he drags himself up to check on the other man. Dean's kneeling to the porcelain god as Cas enters, he perches himself on the edge of the toilet to rub Dean's back.

"I don't get it, I didn't even eat anything," Dean whines.

"You are ill," Cas shrugs tiredly, his eyes closed, "It is not suppose to make sense."

"Make it, stop," he spits before heaving again.

"I wish I could," Cas whispers earnestly as he continues to slide his hand up and down Dean's back.

It does stop eventually, Cas getting Dean back to the couch to drink some flat ginger ale and try to eat a couple crackers.

"I'm sorry, Cas," Dean tells him.

"What for?" He tilts his head in confusion.

"For this," He coughs.

"You must have a fever," Cas deadpans, running his hand on Dean's forehead.

Dean tries to shrug him off, "I'm not delirious, dude."

"Really," he narrows his eyes at him, "It seemed like you where just apologizing for something you have no control over." Cas smirks.

Dean just glares as he launches into another coughing fit. "I hate you," He rasps out as he drops his head back on his pillow.

"Of course you do," Cas pats him on the arm placating him, as he tosses the remote onto the sick man's chest and heads off to the bathroom for a shower.

When he gets out Dean is thankfully sleeping with reruns of Scooby-doo playing. Cas just leaves him be heading to the kitchen. He knows he's hiding from the sick man and it makes him feel guilty, but it can be very over whelming. He lights a cigarette as he peruses the food, he settles on just some juice as he's not feeling too hungry.

Dean sleeps for most of the day, Cas chain smoking in the kitchen as he listens to the TV. Cas is dead tired, but for ever reason he just can't sleep. He stays in his hiding place hoping Dean will just miraculously be back to normal. This is way to tiring and stressful for him right now, but he figured when it rains it pours.

After a while he decides to go check on Dean, he places his hand on his forehead and is pleased to find that he doesn't have a fever. The action, however stirs Dean.

"Hey," Dean mumbles.

"Hello," Cas blinks at him. "Um, are you hungry?"

He thinks for a moment before nodding, "We have any jello?"

Cas smiles a little, "I bought some yesterday," he informs him. "Lime or cherry."

Dean looks pleased, "lime."

They watch TV together, Dean eating his jello and clearly feeling better; it must just be a twenty four hour thing. He's still coughing and sniffling, but he's keeping things down and the color is back in his cheeks. Cas finally passes out on the one end of the couch, his head tilted back and his lips parted as he snores gently. Dean can't help but chuckle a little at the sight of him; he moves some of his blankets and pillow, adjusting so he can rest his head on Cas's lap while he watches cartoons. In a way he's glad he's the one who got sick and not Cas, he hopes it's not contagious. Dean knows from experience that sick Cas is an extremely unhappy Cas and no one wants to deal with that; luckily he can't really make people spontaneously combust. Though, it definitely feels like it sometimes.

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><p>Thanks guys! :REVIEW:<p> 


	9. Tried our Best

ENJOY!

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><p>The next day Dean was feeling loads better he still had a bit of a cough and stuffiness but it was nothing he couldn't live with. Cas, however, had threatened him with bodily harm if he even considered going into work that day; much to his dismay. A little couch was nothing to be fussed over, he'd gone to school with worse.<p>

He was left by himself when Cas went off to work that morning and he just went right back to sleep. Dean woke up a little after noon and watched TV for a bit before he was bored out of his mind. He whipped out his phone and decided to call his mom, since Wednesday's where her day off.

"Hey, sweetie," Mary answers, "How you feeling?"

"Much better, thanks."

"That's good, Castiel was very worried."

"Really?" Dean questions, realizing that Cas must have called her for help, "Well, he's almost as good of a nurse as you are."

"I'm glad to hear it," She says happily laughing gently, "You're not working today?"

"No, Cas wouldn't let me," he sighs. "Not till I'm 100%, doctors orders I guess."

"I see, well I have some errands to run today," Mary leads, "And that one diner does have that soup you like."

"Ya," Dean nods smiling at his moms tactics.

"Well if you're feeling up to it?"

"I'd love to come mom."

"Great! I'll come pick you up, see you in fifteen, sweetie."

She hangs up, Dean shaking his head. His mom thought she was so sneaky, he coughed a little. He headed off to shower quickly and throw on some clothes before his mom arrived. They went to lunch and he helped her with the groceries and the other errands she had to do. He had a good time with his mom that day, just like before he moved out. When they got back, the mustang was in its spot and Dean mentally kicked himself for forgetting his phone. Hopefully Cas wouldn't be pissed.

When Dean got into the apartment he saw the mattress propped up on its side and the sound of frustration.

"Cas?" Dean asked looking around.

"Hello Dean," Cas replied peeking out from behind the mattress, "I see you are feeling better."

"Ya, I went out with my mom. Sorry I forgot my phone."

"I'm not your keeper, Dean." Cas huffed, trying to push the mattress back into the bedroom. It wasn't that he wasn't strong enough to do it, it was just the angle he was trying to do it at.

"Let me help," Dean offered coming towards him.

"I can manage," He replies tersely, his voice low.

"Dude come on," he goes to move the corner that's stuck on the door frame.

"Dean," He warns dangerously snapping at him, "I have it under control."

Dean puts his hands up defensively, "Ya, it doesn't look like it."

He turns heading to the kitchen as Cas continues to fight with the mattress. Dean grabs a jello and heads back into the main room to watch Cas struggle.

"Are you going to be done in my lifetime?" He smirks, "Because I kinda would like to take a nap."

Cas glares daggers at him, "Use the couch."

Dean chuckles, "The corner is stuck you know." He points with his spoon.

The other man looks at the corner of the mattress, his eyes narrowing as he kicks it away from the door jam. Dean just laughing at the show as the other man continues to eat his jello.

"Fuck off," Cas slides the mattress into the room easily now that it was no longer blocked.

"Love you too," Dean chuckles moving to plop down on the couch.

A couple minutes later, Cas comes back into the room still wearing his librarian outfit. He sits down next to Dean, his cheeks slightly flushed from his earlier efforts.

"Good day at work?" Dean asks sarcastically.

"I do not want to talk about, it." He crossed his arms pretending to watch TV.

"Come on," Dean nudges him.

They sit in comfortable silence before Cas decides to tell him.

"Apparently your flu bug is wreaking havoc through my work place."

"Dude, not my fault," he shrugs.

Cas gives him a 'well duh' look before continuing. "Well Chasta," Dean gives him a look. "Don't ask." He dismisses him. "She's the children's section coordinator and does story time."

"You have to cover for her? That's not so bad."

"Children are horrible, evil creatures." He glares harder at the memory of today.

Dean can't fight the laugh that escapes him as he pictures Cas, with his low gravelly voice, reading a children's book to kids and not scarring the shit out of them. "How'd story time go?" He coughs.

"Hopefully, I will not be covering for her again."

"What book was it?" Dean couch-laughs in curiosity.

"Rumpelstiltskin," Cas deadpans.

"Oh man, that's creepy."

"Indeed."

"Well congratulations," Dean pats his shoulder, "You just gave a group of kids nightmares." He smirks.

"They deserved it," Cas grumbles childishly.

"That's the spirit," Dean winks at him lightening the mood.

He pulls Cas by the arm, so that he comes closer towards him reluctantly. Cas resting his head on Dean's chest, still a little tense from earlier.

"You well enough to make food?" Cas asks after a while.

"We'll see," Dean smiles ruffling Cas's dark locks fondly.

"Hmm," he groans petulantly, "I better not get sick."

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><p>Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions? :)REVIEW(:<p> 


	10. I can't sleep

Cas ends up getting Dean's cough, which wouldn't be so bad if he didn't A) work at a library where you need to be quiet and B) Smoke. He goes to work anyway, despite Dean's protests; it's funny how that works. He comes home later that day, Dean hearing him coming before he gets through the door due to the hacking.

"How's your day choky?" Dean chuckles from his spot on the couch.

Cas glares at him, shrugging off his shoulder bag. He grabs one of the bottles of cough syrup and drops onto the couch, drinking straight from the bottle.

"I don't think you're supposed to just drink it."

"It works." Cas deadpans taking another sip of it.

Dean snatches the bottle away from him finding a little less than half. "This is your first bottle right?"

Cas shrugs, lighting a cigarette. "I can't be sure," he coughs.

"Ya, not cool, man." He caps the bottle hiding it in the couch.

"This is your doing," Cas glares at him trying to not to cough long enough to actually enjoy his cigarette.

"Nature Cas, it's the circle of life." Dean shrugs at him.

"Hmm," Cas rasps starting a coughing fit. He angrily leans forward and snubs out the rest of his cigarette.

He stomps off to the bed room stripping off his sweater and tossing on the floor on his way. Dean just laughs giving him some space to change and hopefully for the drugs to take effect. A little bit later Castiel reemerges from their room in just his sweatpants, he crawls on to the sofa right next to Dean. He snuggles in against Dean wrapping his arms around him.

"Any better?" Dean asks draping his arm around Cas.

Cas shakes a little trying to fight the cough from escaping, "A little." He coughs, sneakily digging the cough syrup from the cushions. He pulls away slightly from Dean taking the cap of to drink some.

"You sneaky bastard," He huffs shaking his head at the dark haired man, "You really need to cut back Cas, it can't be good."

Dean snakes the bottle, Cas pouting as he moves back to his original spot against him.

"It helps," he murmurs against Dean.

"You gotta wait for this to kick in." He warns, running his hand through Cas's hair.

"My apologies, I didn't know you where a doctor." He rasps sarcastically.

"Cas," Dean sighs.

"I didn't think so."

"Fine, you wanta kill yourself," Dean pushes off from the couch disrupting the other man, "I don't care." It was a lie, but Cas was being impossible. He grabbed his keys of the table in the kitchen, "I'm going out." Dean calls over his shoulder before slamming the door, Cas hacking behind him.

Dean heads out for a short drive, but ends up going to the garage. The Mustang just didn't have the same mind clearing effect as his baby did. He figured it would be good to put some more work into her; the sooner she was up and running the better. He toils away loosing track of time, the Impala having the desired mind clearing effect. He checks his phone and sees that it's almost eleven; he locks up again to head home.

When he gets back the apartment smells like bacon and there are empty wrappers with Popsicle sticks in them on the coffee table. Dean shakes his head smiling to himself, when left to his own devices Cas ate the weirdest things. He peaks into the bedroom to find Cas laying on his stomach octopussing the bed due to the alcohol content of the cough syrup. Great Dean thought, as he went to shower the grease off.

He crept back to the bedroom after his shower, slipping on some boxers before crawling in to bed. Dean rubs his hand along Cas's bare back, getting him to shift to give Dean more room. He finally get's comfortable when Cas's arm flops over him, he just shrugs and drifts off to sleep.

Some hours later Dean awakes to Castiel sitting up coughing and wheezing. Dean blinks seeing Cas's back facing him, his shoulder's shaking as the hacking continues.

"Cas?" Dean asks groggily, "You ok?"

Cas doesn't reply just nods as he seems to get worse. Dean sits up rubbing Cas's back hoping it stops, but the wheezing continues. He can sense the frustration and discomfort in Castiel's shoulders as he tries to calm him. Dean gets off the bed after it continues and drags the other man along with him.

He sits him on the toilet seat, Cas's blue eyes watering as the coughs rack through him. Dean turns the shower on all the way to hot and closes the door to trap the steam.

"Just relax, Cas." Dean instructs him, rubbing sleep from his eyes in the dark bathroom. "Deep breathes." He sinks down, sitting on the floor across from Castiel.

Cas looked pathetic as he tried to get his breathing back to normal; his flash flushed, eyes watering and tired plus he looked almost scared. Dean couldn't stand seeing him like that so he pulled him down to the floor, making Cas rest his back against Dean's chest. He took deep breathes, guiding Cas to breathe in the steam to make the wheezing and hacking stop.

"Doctor tomorrow," Dean whispers, stroking Cas's chest as the coughing calms down.

Cas just nods in defeat, at least now he was seeing reason. Dean dropped a kiss to his shoulder as Castiel's coughs became sparser. They aren't sure how it happens, but they end up falling asleep on the bathroom floor.

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><p>Reviews help me mucho! (Thought? Suggestions? Comments?)<p> 


	11. So I'll just say

AN: THANK YOU! The feed back etc has been awesome keep it up guys! Also, I know I haven't mentioned it, but their apartment # 316 (stands for 1 John 3:16 ESV) ENJOY

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><p>The next morning Dean makes a doctor's appointment for Cas and calls him out of work. Cas is in the shower, the steam still billowing through the air when Dean peaks his head in.<p>

"We got the first appointment, so we need to get a move on," Dean tells him.

"Ok," Cas rasps out, Dean leaves him to finish up heading to put some clothes on.

Dean hops into some jeans and pulls a t-shirt from the drawer, when Cas pads into the room holding a towel around his waist and coughing a little. They don't say anything; Cas just places his hand on Dean's back leaning around him to grab a shirt of his own. Dean throws on his shirt and exits to go to the kitchen.

He grabs a poptart, leaning against the counter to eat it as Cas comes in.

"Ready?" Cas asks, fiddling with a cigarette.

"Yep," Dean nods pushing of the counter and opening the freezer. He pulls out a Popsicle and pulls the cigarette out of Cas's nervous fingers and replaces it with the frozen item. "Let's go," he heads for the door.

Castiel opens the item with displeasure and follows Dean out of the apartment. They ride in silence, Cas eating the popsicle and coughing while the radio blares. About twenty minutes later they arrive at the doctor's office. A new wave of displeasure rolls of Castiel as he chews on the empty stick.

"It's not a hospital," Dean reminds him, draping his arm over Castiel's shoulder as they head in.

They wait in the waiting room for like ten minutes before a nurse finally shows up and calls Cas in. Cas says nothing, but looks at Dean as he coughs and Dean gets up to come with him.

"I don't want to be here," He coughs, perched on the examination table.

"Relax," Dean instructs, "He'll give you the good stuff and you'll be smoking like chimney in no time."

Cas didn't get a chance to reply, as the doctor burst through the door.

"Good morning," he greeted cheerfully, clip board in hand.

The doctor was an older man African American man with a wise, friendly demeanor.

"I'm Dr. Joshua, you must be Mr. Novak." He extends his hand for Castiel to shake.

"Nice to meet you," Cas says gravely before covering his mouth to cough.

"What seems to be the problem son?" The doctor asks as he sits on his little stool.

"I have a cough." He states frankly, annoyed because he all ready told everything to the nurse.

"I just like hearing it for myself," Joshua replies, like everyone wonders the same thing. "Let's take a look." He stands up.

The doctor takes out his stethoscope and instructs Cas to take deep breathes as he listens to his chest and back. He feels the glands in his throat and pulls out a tongue depressor to check inside.

"You a smoker?"

Cas just looks at him glumly, not wanting to answer the question.

"Yes, he is," Dean replies for him.

"Well," The doctor starts, taking out his prescription pad. "I'm going to prescribe you an antibiotic, to kill the infection and a cough suppressant." He starts scribbling, "However, I'm going to recommend you stop smoking."

Castiel glares at him like the man just informed him he was going die or something.

"This is going to be a blast," Dean quips sarcastically.

"At least until your cough is gone," Joshua smiles, chuckling a little, "You can use nicotine patches in the meantime, if you feel it's necessary."

The doctor hands the prescriptions to Cas, who scrutinizes them like an ancient text.

"Thanks Doc," Dean smiles shaking the man's hand when Cas doesn't speak.

"My pleasure," he smiles, his hand on the door knob, "He should be fine in less than week."

The doctor leaves and Dean turns to Cas who's still staring dejectedly at the scripts in his hand.

"I'm being punished," Cas states blandly, as he coughs again.

"No you're not," Dean sighs.

Cas tries to protest, but ends up just hacking up a lung.

Dean rolls his eyes and snatches the prescriptions out of Castiel's hands, "Now let's go get those filled before you choke to death." He walks out of the room, hoping Cas follows. He does and they leave the doctor's and head off to the pharmacy.

They drop off the prescriptions and they opt to wait the 30minutes until it is ready. Cas fold himself into the chair in the waiting area, unhappily a unlit cigarette between his lips.

"Let's look around," Dean offers as he sits next to Castiel.

"It's all crap."

"We're not going to buy it, just look at it."

"There is no point," Cas informs him darkly.

"You could get those patches the doctor mentioned."

"Hmm," Cas hums, before standing up walking halfway down the nearest isle and picking up a box. He strides back tossing the boxe at Dean and returning to his previous position.

"Fine," Dean huffs examining the box.

Once he finished reading it he gets up to look around by himself, that only takes ten minutes before he returns to his seat next to the coughing man. It's the longest half hour ever and when Castiel is finally called Dean jumps up, dragging the other man with him. They take pay and leave as fast as possible with Cas lagging behind him.

Dean forces Cas to take the medicine on the car ride home, hoping it will snap him out of it. It doesn't however and he's stuck with a taciturn boyfriend, who coughs every 10 seconds; which makes him more and more withdrawn. When they get back Cas storms off to the bedroom slamming the door behind him.

"What the hell," Dean said to himself. He had no clue why all this was bothering Cas so much, but he was getting sick of it. He contemplated giving him some space, but the confusion and annoyance where mounting into anger.

"Cas," Dean called striding toward the bedroom, when he got there he found the door locked. "Cas open the door, now." He pounded it, he could hear the coughs coming from the other side, but still no answer. "Open the fucking door."

"Go away."

"You know that ain't happening, now either open the door or you can explain to the landlord how it got broken down." Dean threatens.

Castiel just coughs for a while sounding horrible, "I just want to be alone right now," He rasps quietly. "Please, Dean."

Dean rests his fist against the door, contemplating the other man's words. "You have an hour, but then we're talking," He snaps, storming away.

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	12. What you won't say

Over an hour later Castiel finally emerges, his cough sounding a lot better. Dean was sprawled out on the couch, not really paying attention to what was on, as Cas sits on the floor in front of him, his back against the couch.

"I saw my brother, yesterday." Cas says to the air, his voice monotone. "He's going to college," he sighs, "And I heard he's engaged to that Amelia girl."

Dean doesn't speak, he just waits patiently listening for when Cas is ready to continue.

"We always said we'd never marry, just be brothers forever," He coughs. "Go to school," he starts, "Funny how things change." He bows his head, "We were just children, I suppose."

"Why don't you just tell me these things when they happen," Dean snaps. "You lock everything up and just get pissy, which I know that's how you are when you're sick." He sighs before his vehemence returns, "But sometimes I just don't know what the fuck is wrong with you and you expect me to just sit around till you spit it out."

"I don't expect anything, Dean," Cas tells him softly.

"Don't talk like that!" Dean sits up angrily. "We're in this together, Cas. I don't know what more I can do to get you to see that. You're here for me no questions asked and I'm here for you the same." He stands up, looking briefly at Cas. "Now get that through that thick skull of yours." Dean walks off this time it's he who locks himself in the bedroom.

When he reemerges sometime later, Cas is gone. There's no note and his phone is still sitting on the coffee table. Dean grabs his keys and heads out the door. He has haunch about just where he might be, even though he has no idea when the man left.

He drives a little ways away, back towards the area near his parent's house. Dean parks the car and heads out towards the field. He sees the familiar set of hunched shoulders and sits on the park bench adjacent, where they sat so many months before.

They don't say a word to each other, but Dean knows Cas is aware of his presences.

"I have doubts, Dean," Cas breaks the silence coughing.

"About us?" Dean asks unsure what else he could mean.

Cas nods then adds, "Everything."

"You wouldn't be human if you didn't."

Castiel contemplates Dean's words for a beat, the two of them looking out at the field.

"I shot Crowley," he states out of the blue. "I know we've been avoiding this, but I want you to know."

"Ok," Dean's a little surprised at this admission.

"After they hit the car I got you out, while they were still dazed I assume." Cas starts coughing a bit, "We fired at the same time, that's what I remember."

"Is he dead?"

Cas nods fiddling with a cigarette he knows he shouldn't smoke.

"I'm not sure if I said anything," Dean hedges awkwardly, "But thanks, Cas."

Castiel just starts hacking a bit, nodding at Dean.

"We just keep saving each other," Cas states simply.

Dean just nods a faint smile on his lips, because he knows it's true and they're hopefully ok. The pair sit once again, letting the comfortable silence creep over them.

"How long have you been out here?" Dean asks after Castiel coughs a few times.

"An hour… maybe more," Cas rasps.

"Let's go get some food, man." He stands, Cas rising with him and tossing an arm on his shoulder. "I'm starving."

Their weird little talk actually made things a lot better, things weren't really totally fixed; but they trying and that's all that matter in the long run. Cas was still being pissy due to the fact that he wasn't allowed to smoke, his cough was almost totally gone though. Dean was looking forward to the day it was completely back to normal. He had a sneaking suspicion that part of it was the considerable lack of sex that they'd been having due to all the sickness running around.

By the time Monday rolled around again, Cas was back to his normal self. He woke early for work, Dean half awake watching as Cas gets ready. He pulls on his sweater vest, his hair sticking up impossibly.

Dean pretends to be asleep when Cas kisses his temple, "Good-bye, Dean." He smirks knowingly as he leaves.

Dean gets up a few hours later, grabbing a bowl of cereal before throwing on some clothes. It was his day off, but he figured he'd head down to work on the Impala. He was itching to get that project done and have her back on the road.

He spent most of the day there, getting home about an hour or so before Cas would be home. Cas had worked out a car pool thing with that Chasta person, so Dean didn't have to take him to and from work on his days off. He took along cool shower as soon as he got back in the door; it was extremely hot that day.

Dean contemplated making dinner for when Cas got home, but decided they could just order out instead. He plopped onto the couch and flipped through the channels, 'accidently' getting sucked into the skin channel. He didn't even notice that front door had opened until Cas was standing behind him.

"Hello Dean," He greets his head tilted as he takes in the program Dean had been watching.

Dean starts, dropping the remote in surprise, "Ah, hey Cas."

"You have a productive day?" Cas quirks his brow taking his bag off his shoulder and dropping it on the floor.

"Ya, I worked on the car today." Dean clears his throat as Cas makes his way around the couch.

He sits right next to Dean, his hand resting on Dean's thigh as he leans in to kiss him. Dean placing his hand on the side of Cas's face as he deepens the kiss. Castiel pushes him back on to the sofa, their legs intertwining, and their mouths working together. Dean couldn't help but think about how much he had missed this.

Cas starts to kiss along Dean's jaw moving down to mark his neck, eliciting a groan out of the other man. Dean pulls Castiel back up for another hungry kiss.

"What's for dinner?" Cas asks as he pulls back.

"I thought we'd order out," Dean smirks as their lips meet again.

He slides his hand down Cas's chest to undo his pants, Cas moving to straddle Dean. Castiel sits back to pulling Dean's shirt up, Dean sitting up to remove it fully. As he sits back, Cas moves to remove his vest, but Dean stops him.

"Leave the vest on," He grits out darkly as he dips his hand into Cas's unzipped pants.

Cas just nods his pulse quickening before he slides his hands over Dean's bare chest. He leans back down to kiss Dean as Dean starts to stroke his erection. Castiel moving his hand down to undo Dean's pants, he moves away to strip them completely off and standing up to remove his own trousers.

Dean watches as Cas's pants fall to the floor, grabbing him by the neck of his sweater to pull him back. They kiss before Cas makes his way to nibble on Dean's ear.

"I see the porn girl got you read," He whispers darkly, his other hand stroking Dean's cock.

The action causes Dean to arch slightly as he slides his hands under Cas shirt and sweater to thumb over his nipples. Cas hissing slightly his blue eyes closing briefly, he kisses Dean and then sits back. Dean watches in anticipation as Cas sits back and licks his slender fingers.

Dean spreads his legs, allowing Cas access to prep him. He takes his time making sure Dean is more than ready for him. Castiel pushes in fluidly, Dean arching as he grabs hold of the arm of couch to brace himself. They start move slow at first, until Cas can't take it anymore and starts to work furiously. His face flushed due to the fact he still had his button down and sweater vest.

"Fuck, Dean," Cas grunts death griping Dean's arm.

Dean just groans inaudibly as he strokes his own cock in time with Cas's thrusts. He grips Castiel's hip aiding in bringing him in closer. Dean cums first, staining Cas's vest as the other man follows shortly after. Cas rests his head on Dean's chest panting, he drops a kiss to his skin.

"You're washing that." Cas informs him.

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	13. I've tried hard

AN: Shit might be hitting a fan next chapter... fair warning

Until then ENJOY! ;D

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><p>Later that night, after Cas changed, they are eating their Chinese food while watching some stupid reality show.<p>

"I've been invited to a picnic," Cas states.

"Ok," Dean looks at him, "Who's is it?"

"Chasta," He takes a bite of lo mien with his chopsticks, "Will you accompany me?"

"Um sure, was I invite?" Dean asks awkwardly.

"She told me to bring someone."

"Sure, but I think that Chasta chick's got the hots for you." He stands up to throw his trash away.

"We are work colleagues," Cas states, "I am sure I could tell if she was remotely interested."

"She's a nice girl," Dean sits back on the couch as if that explains everything.

Cas just tilts his head at him in confusion, "Meaning?"

"Meaning," he sighs, taking a peapod from Cas's food. "She's not a whore who just throws herself at you."

He contemplates for a second, "We are just friends, Dean."

"You better be," Dean hits him in the arm, playfully. "When's this stupid picnic thing?"

"Saturday at 5," Cas informs him.

"Is it all the library bitches and their dates? Or cats," He chuckles.

"I believe so… You do not have to come." He tells him darkly.

"And miss the chance to see you socialize with your work buddies, no way!" Dean smirks at him, earning him a punch in the arm. "Shit, dude." He holds his arm.

Cas smirks, placing his food on the coffee table. "I'm going to bed," he sighs standing up to go brush his teeth.

Dean kicks him in the leg as he walks by, Cas just glaring at him as he continues to walk away. He stays up for another hour, even though he has to work tomorrow. When he goes to bed he finds the light still on, Castiel had fallen asleep reading again. Dean changes for bed before turning the light of and removing the book from Cas's grasp; the dark haired man rolling over to in twine himself with Dean.

The week goes by fairly quickly and the next thing they know it's Saturday. They sleep late, relishing in their day off; Dean awakening to the feeling of deft fingers sliding down his chest.

"Good morning," Dean smirks blinking awake to a set of blue eyes watching him.

"Morning Dean," Cas rumbles, leaning in to kiss him as his hand slides down to Dean's cock.

They kiss deeply and languidly as Cas strokes him to hardness through his boxers. Dean rolls them over pining Cas down with his body weight, relishing as his blue eyes narrow and he struggles under him. He reaches into the nightstand and grabs the handcuffs.

"You wouldn't dare," Cas warns him as he continues to struggle.

Dean just smirks locking Cas's wrists together, "Sorry, babe." He kisses Cas dominantly as the other man fights to regain control, "You're sitting out this one."

He kisses along Cas's jaw and licks down his neck, placing a brief kiss to the bite mark on his clavicle. Dean licks around first one then the other nipple, Cas inhaling sharply as he struggles to gain the upper hand. The action causes Dean to smirk as he frees both of their erections to stroke them in tandem.

"Dean," Cas pants out, thrusting his hips up as he moves his locked wrists over Dean's head so they're around his neck.

"I don't think you're going to win this," Dean chuckles as he strokes them harder.

He alternates his speeds bringing them closer to the edge together; they're just about there when Cas pulls a ninja movie and rolls them. The chain of the hand cuffs digging into the back of Dean's neck as Castiel looks down on him.

"You bastard," Dean huffs out.

"Keep moving," Cas orders his voice tinged darker with ardor.

Dean would have protested if he wasn't so close it hurt, as he stroked them to completion. The chain digging painfully when Cas threw his head back as he came on Dean's chest; the sight bring Dean right along with him.

"Shit," Dean sighs, sitting up and rocking Cas back with him so he can remove his arms from his neck.

Cas pulls him close for a kiss, "I always win this," he informs him frankly.

"Ya, ya," Dean kisses him again.

They untangle, Cas thrusting his wrists forward for Dean to free him.

"I think I like you like that."

"Dean," he glares at him petulantly.

"All right," He concedes, unlocking one of Cas's wrists before securing it around the bedpost. "I'm going to take a shower," Dean rushes off.

"Dean!" Cas shouts after him pulling against the restrains, "You will fucking pay for this!"

Dean hopped into the shower, drowning out the noise of Cas banging the cuffs against the metal of the bed frame. He takes a nice long shower, just to spite him. Dean figured Cas would see the humor of it eventually. Which he ended up being right about when he emerged from the shower towel around his waist, he expected to find Cas exactly where he had left him.

Instead he was ambushed by the other man. Cas somehow managed to get the key from the nightstand and free himself while Dean was in the shower. So when he returned he locked Dean to the door knob of the closet and tossed the key on the other side of the room; he also was able to steal Dean's towel in the process, leaving him fully exposed and in an awkward position.

"Have fun getting dressed, Dean," Cas smirked as he went off to take his own shower.

"Fucking Houdini," He griped as he pulled clothes out of the closet, with some difficulty.

By the time Cas came back he had somehow managed to get his pants on, not zipped or anything, but on. Castiel just shook his head at the other man as he picked out his own clothes.

"I expected more from you, Dean."

"We can't all be fucking ninja's." Dean shoots at him.

"That would be redundant," Cas smirks making an odd joke as he puts on his jeans and t-shirt.

"Whatever, just let me out man," He whines, "I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry." He deadpans, shrugging on his button down vest.

"We're even now, ok," Dean pleads.

Cas sighs dramatically stooping to grab the key off ground, "I don't think you've learned your lesson Dean."

"What lesson," He snaps, "You just like me naked and tied up."

"True." He nods, tossing the key at Dean and striding out of the room.

Dean quickly unlocks the handcuffs and grabs his shirt before racing after Cas. He catches the other man buy surprise and tackles him to the ground pining his wrists with his hands.

"We do not have time for this Dean," Cas informs him.

"Still a couple hours till the party." He kisses the other man.

"I said no," He states, trying to keep his resolve.

Dean loosens his hold giving up as Castiel takes the opportunity pinning Dean with a hand at his throat.

"I won."

Dean just glares at Cas, not wanting to admit it.

"Dean?" He asks patiently.

"You won." He mumbles as Cas smirks triumphantly, Dean pushing the man off of him.

They break apart heading in opposite directions. Dean finishes dressing as Cas smokes in the kitchen with a mug of orange juice and his book.

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	14. I can't fight you anymore

AN: Trouble in paradise! IDK...

ENJOY!

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><p>They kill the couple hours until they have to leave with Cas smoking while he reads and Dean watching TV on the couch; until it's finally time to go and they head off to the picnic. Cas chain smoking on the way as Dean drums along with the music on the radio. Dean can tell Cas doesn't really want to go the party, but he feels obligated to do it. Which could be a good thing, because maybe they can skip out of the party early and actually do something worthwhile for their Saturday off.<p>

"Whenever you want to go, just let me know," Dean offers patting Cas's thigh. "We can have a code word, like sticky." He adds dirtily.

"Very well," Cas nods, "Thank you, Dean."

"We could just skip out." He asks hopefully, Cas just shooting him a 'nice try' look.

Apparently it was important to socialize with the people you work with by attending certain functions, which was weird for Cas to want to do. Dean just figured it was the new leaf thing he was trying out while on the straight and narrow.

They turn down Hibiscus Street, which is peppered with little 1950's ranch style houses, on the cheaper side of town until they find the bright red balloon hanging on the mail box. There are six or so cars lining the street and they pull in behind a beat up old Camry from the 80's.

"She said it's around back," Cas states, trying to inhale every last hit of nicotine form his cigarette.

"All right, let's go." Dean slides form the car.

They make their way around to the back of the house where there is a sign on the fence telling them to just come on in, in disgusting pink curvy letters.

"You ready for this?" Dean winks at Cas running his hand through the man's messy hair.

"Let's get this over with," Cas states swatting Dean's hand a way.

Castiel ditches the cigarette, and pulls open the gate. It looks like they stepped into the twilight zone; everything is sickeningly 1950's even down to the dress that the girl bounding towards them is wearing. Dean can't help but stare at the blonde women; she looks like a young Stepford wife and it's creepy as hell.

"Castiel!" She greets sweetly, ambushing him in a hug as Cas stands there like a rod. "I'm so pleased you could come!"

"Hello, Chasta."

"Oh and you brought a friend," Chasta beams, sizing Dean up. "That's great! We need more men 'circulating' around here." She giggles at her weird library humor.

"I'm Dean," he shakes her hand, "Cas's boyfriend." He smirks as her face falls.

"I didn't realize, Castiel never mentioned," She starts, recomposing herself.

"He doesn't really do labels," Dean informs her haughtily.

"I see," Chasta nods, her eyes calculating before turning back to Cas. "Sally-Ann is here, Castiel, you just have to say hi," She grabs Cas's arm to drag him away.

"Sticky," Dean whispers urgently to Cas who discreetly pinches Dean's arm painfully as a warning before Chasta pulls him further into the yard.

"Beer is over there," She informs Dean with fake nicety not realizing that he's only 18.

"What a bitch," Dean says to himself as he heads off to the booze, might as well he figures. He can all ready tell that the broad isn't going to give up on Cas without a fight.

He grabs a beer and idly chats with some of the other guys milling around the coolers. Sometime later Cas comes back grabbing a beer of his own, discreetly throwing back some pills and chugging the alcohol.

"I told you she was into you," Dean greets, "And did you forget the code word? Because…"

"Not know Dean," Cas warns, handing him the empty bottle so he can light a cigarette.

Cas gets a couple puffs in before the shrill voice of Chasta carries across the yard.

"Oh, god," Dean huffs under his breath, turning to busy himself by taking a swig from his beer.

"There you are Castiel," she skips up to them latching on to Cas's arm, "These things will kill you!" Chasta's brow creases with concern as she takes the tobacco product from his lips and puts it out under her high-heeled shoe. "Dean, I cannot believe you allow this!" She chides him with her hands on her hips.

Cas looks like he's fighting a war between wanting to smite her and having to be polite because he works with her. "You owe me a quarter," is all he gets out, which was about right based on the price of a pack if he was being generous.

"I think it's sexy," Dean informs her, winking at Cas affectionately.

"Being dead, is not sexy, Dean." She states matter of factually.

"Listen lady," Dean narrow's his eyes, because who the fuck did she think she was. She had no idea what they'd been through.

"Dean," Cas stops him, "May I have a word." He drags Dean away excusing himself from Chasta.

Dean and Chasta are locked in a death glare, when Castiel rounds on Dean breaking his concentration.

"What's the matter with you?" Cas asks him quietly as to not draw attention to their little conversation.

"Me?" Dean starts realizing he's being loud, and then lowers his tone. "Me? She's all over you, Cas. And you can't tell me you're having fun here."

"That's not the point Dean," He states as they stare at each other. "She maybe a bitch on occasion, but she means well and I work with her."

"So you have to let her walk all over you? And treat me like a piece." Dean hisses at him. "Bull shit!" He snaps checking his tone.

"I understand you are jealous, but this not the place." Cas warns vehemently.

"Jealous," He scoffs, "Jealous, you think… that has nothing..." Dean grits out anger getting the better of him. "You know what, no. Why don't you ask your new girlfriend to give you a ride home?" He stomps away exiting through the gate.

"Dean!" Cas calls following him towards the front lawn.

"Blow me, Cas," Dean throws back striding off to the Mustang.

"Castiel, is everything all right? I heard unsavory language." Chasta coos, having followed them, as she gets her claws into Cas and drags him back to the party.

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	15. You're already one foot out the door

AN: Chasta is short for Chastity, but I guess there's an angel with that name... I learned something new! (YAY)

Anyway, ENJOY! (I guess ;)

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><p>Dean doesn't go home, or at least not to his apartment home. He calls Sammy to see if he was free, pick up some loose ends and all. Really he just couldn't be around anything that had to do with Cas, he needed a distraction. Dean drove back home to pick up Sam, they agreed on going to a movie and maybe grabbing a bite.<p>

Driving to the theater proved a difficult task while trying to keep Cas off the brain.

"What's Castiel up to today?" Sam asks.

"Hell if I know," Dean grumbles.

"You guys ok?"

"No offense, but that's none of your business, Sammy."

"That bad huh," Sam sighs.

"Can it doctor Phil," Dean snaps.

"Calm down man, I'm just saying it's clear that something is wrong and if you want to talk…" He offers, Dean just rolling his eyes.

"I get what you're trying to do and thanks," He clarifies, "but no thanks."

"Maybe it's Castiel you need to be talking with," Sam adds.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He glares at the kid as he pulls into the parking lot.

"Nothing, you guys just have more of a bond or whatever," He informs Dean awkwardly.

"Drop it, Sammy." Dean warns as they head into the theater.

After the movie, which was a pretty kick ass action flick, Dean takes his brother home. Sammy's too smart for his own good and Dean's going to punch his puppy dog face if he gets another knowing look of concern from the kid. He doesn't know what to do now, its well after dark and he has no desire to go home.

Dean drives to the garage, he's so close to finishing the Impala he can taste it. While he's working, however, his mind flits to Castiel. He wonders what the other man is doing and how the rest of the party went. It's pathetic, he knows, but he can't help himself. He's still pissed though, that Chasta…

"What a bitch!" He calls out uselessly.

She might have Cas blinded, but not him. Chasta, if that is her real name; she had the hots for Cas and ya it pissed him off. Mostly because Cas didn't seem to care, which sounds stupid, but Cas didn't do anything. Chasta said he never mentioned Dean, which why would he that's none of her business, but still. Dean shook his head, this was more than just wounded pride and it was certainly not jealousy. Well maybe a little bit of jealously, he conceded.

What Dean knows for sure is that he needs time to figure shit out so he shoots a text to Cas.

MSG:ToCAS

Won't B

Home 2night

Need time.

-D

He doesn't expect to get a reply, but when Cas's ring tone goes off Dean can't help the little leap his heart takes, until he reads the text.

MSG:FromCAS

.

Dean death gripped the phone, more anger coursing through him. Fine, he thought, he'd take his sweet time. If Cas didn't seem to care, then two could play that game. It was stupid and childish, but that's how he felt or dealt with what he didn't want to feel. Either way, Dean wasn't going home tonight or the next. They'd been living out of each other's asses any way, space could do them good.

For the next couple days, Dean poured himself into his baby. He put his blood, sweat and tears into hit trying to push it past the last hurtle to finish it. Sam must have said something to his mom, because dad was lurking around him.

"You think it might be time for you to go home, son?" John hedges. "Bobby says you've been here the last couple days, and some sleep might do you good."

"I fine dad, I just really want to finish this." Dean lies as he continues to work.

"Go home," John orders him. "That, Cas…" He flounders awkwardly, "You need sleep and a shower." He adds before walking away.

Dean just stews for a moment, debating because he knows his dad is right, but he really doesn't want to do it. He checks the time on his phone when he realizes that, on the plus side Cas was probably still at work. Dean decided to go back to the apartment, just to shower. He was half way there when his phone went off, he didn't recognize the number so he just let it ring.

He pulled into the parking lot at the apartment complex when his phone beeped, alerting him to a new voice mail. Dean pushes the buttons on his phone to listen to the message as he heads up the flights to his apartment.

"Hello," A sweet old lady voice greets him. "This message is for, um, Dean Winchester. This is Sally-Ann from the public library; I was just wondering if Castiel was ill today, it's strange for him not to show without a courtesy call. However, if you know anything, please call and let us know. He is a valuable employee, and I was just concerned. Hope it's nothing serious, thank you."

Dean was all ready unlocking the door when the message ended, "Shit," he swore, there was no turning back now.

He stepped inside, the dim apartment looking around awkwardly. All the blinds where closed and he could tell some serious chain smoking was going down. Dean froze when Cas padded form the bedroom, their eyes meeting. Cas's gaze hardening immediately.

"Dean."

"Cas," Dean nods, unsure what to do or say. He was extremely unprepared for this. "Why aren't you at work?"

"What's the point?" Cas shrugs as he leans against the sofa arm, tilting his head to light a cigarette.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean narrows his eyes, switching to a defensive mode.

"Where were you Dean?" He asks, not making eye contact.

"At the garage."

"You really love that thing," Cas glares insulting the Impala.

"You really love these things." Dean shoots back steeling Cas's cigarette and crushing it.

"That's different." Cas gets into Dean's face.

"Whatever man… how's Chasta?" He seethes.

"I have never given you an occasion to not trust me."

"That's not the point!" Dean shouts at him.

"Misplaced jealousy does not suite you Dean!"

"You still think that's what this about!"

"Chasta is a bitch, that's it! We friends at work," Cas blasts him. "I tolerate her!"

"Since when do you do shit, like that huh?" Dean yells back.

"I think you owe me some respect, Dean." Castiel informs him, his tone dangerous.

"Oh, really? How do you figure that?"

"I defied Crowley, saved your ass, went straight and I moved away from the only brother that still talks to me," Cas lists angrily. "And I did it all for you! I'm doing this for you, you fucking bastard!" He shoves Dean in the chest. "So yes I think that warrants some respect."

"For me?" Dean asks getting right back in his face. "Well I'm sorry I haven't been more appreciative," He snaps sarcastically. "I've been so selfish."

That does it, Cas rounds on him. He hits Dean square in the face, he reels momentarily before retaliating on the dark haired man. Dean grabs Cas by the shoulders, slamming him against the wall and knocking the wind out of him.

"What the fuck's the matter with you!" Dean shakes him.

"You!" Cas spits out fighting against him. "Let go of me," He warns quietly.

"No," He challenges.

Cas manages to push forward, knocking Dean to the ground and straddling him. He pushes his hand against Dean's throat. "You think you are not at fault here, Dean!"

Dean struggles in Cas's grasp before punching him in the side of the face.

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	16. I'll take the blame

AN: I know this is kind of short, but these two are just so freaking intense they're actually attacking my brains! :(

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><p>"The fuck," Cas cries in surprise holding the side of his face in shock.<p>

He's still got Dean pinned under him, and tightens his grip on Dean's neck briefly. Cas then grabs Dean's shirt pulling him up slightly, their faces inches apart. "You are impossible!" He grits out shaking him slightly.

"Ya and you're a fucking ball of sunshine." Dean glares back at him.

That quip, earns Dean a couple more blows altering between open hand and closed fist.

"You moon lighting as a heavy hitter, too?" He bites out, rolling them over and checking Castiel into place.

"Don't pull that with me," Cas hisses at him, "I will not allow you to trivialize this, just so you won't have to fucking deal!"

Dean slaps Cas harshly, "You don't know shit!"

"Don't lie to me, Dean!" He enunciates lowly.

"Shut up!" He yells covering Cas's mouth with his hand, Cas's blue eyes glaring at him. "Ya ok, you want to talk about avoiding things Castiel!" Dean stares, ire bubbling with in him, "You're still taking those pills aren't you, huh? Does your girlfriend know about that Cas…Does she? Talk about tolerating shit from people!"

Cas manages to remove Dean's hand from his mouth, "They are prescribed, I need those."

"I'm not the only one lying, you're high as fuck, right now!"

"That is not of import!" He seethed before blurting, "You walked away!"

That was it; Dean forgot why they had been screaming at each other for the last fifteen minutes and kissed Cas urgently. He dominated the kiss both demanding and in an odd way apologizing to each other.

"I'm sorry, Cas," Dean whispers against his lips.

Castiel pulls at Dean's shirt until it comes off, Dean bringing his hips down on to Cas's. Their hands frantically roaming over each other, exploring as if it's the first and last time; Dean slipping his hands past Cas's waistband.

"Dean," Castiel whines his fingers' gripping desperately at the flesh on Dean's upper arms.

It is that simple word and tone that Dean knows exactly what Cas wants from him, or rather what the dark haired man is offering. Dean just nods as he roughly flips Cas onto his stomach, racking his hands roughly down Cas's smooth back. He pulls off Castiel's sweatpants kissing his tailbone.

Cas lets Dean take what he needs from him, both enjoying the temporary reversal. It's equal parts pleasure and punishment, for the wrongs that they were guilty of; once again, it's just how they dealt with it and worked it out.

Afterwards, Cas is resting his head against Dean and idly drawing patters on his chest as they lay on the floor.

"I walked home after you left," Cas murmurs, Dean running his fingers through Cas's hair. "I came home and got high, I'm sorry."

"I went to hang out with Sammy."

"He needs to come over to stay sometime," he reminds Dean. "I bitched out Chasta."

"Really?" Dean smirks.

Cas just sighs cryptically against Dean's skin, "It could have been a hallucination."

"You need to call work, Sally something called they're worried."

"Good, maybe they'll think I'm dead."

"Not funny dude."

Cas just peeks up at him, his eyes still a little sad.

"How will you help pay for rent, if your fired?" Dean asks trying to lighten things up.

"Sexual favors," He offers hopefully.

"As tempting as that sounds…"

"I'll call later," Cas drops a kiss to Dean's skin. They lie quietly for a bit before Castiel speaks again. "We're fucked up, aren't we?"

"It works," Dean concedes, "Somehow we just work."

They're quiet again, just relishing in each other.

"Promise me something Cas," Dean kisses the top of his head, before resting his cheek against it.

"Yes Dean?"

"No secrets between us, ok?"

"As you wish," Cas sighs, "You need a new toothbrush."

"Why?" Dean chuckles softly.

"I don't think you want to know." He deadpans.

At the end of it they're bruised, bleeding and extremely sore; both physically and mentally.

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	17. If it is for your sake

AN: I'm sorry if it wasn't clear since I didn't go in depth with it, but Dean tots topped Cas for rough sexy-time in CH.16...

ENJOY!

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><p>Cas makes the call into work, they had come up with some lie about falling off his bike on the way to work. It was mostly to explain any bruises that where showing up from the physical fight they had; besides no one knew he didn't have a bike. The old ladies where more with Castiel's well being anyway, so they weren't going to ask questions.<p>

Dean showers while Cas makes the phone call, he hadn't realized just how dirty he was. Once Castiel finished he slipped into the shower too, he had grease smeared on his skin from where Dean had touched him.

"Next time I recommend showering first," Cas states as he scrubs at a stain.

"It couldn't be helped," Dean smirks.

"I suppose."

They finish showering and just throw on some sweat pants, before lounging on the sofa together. Cas is already starting to get a shiner around his one eye, making it look even bluer, and he has a scratch across the bridge of his nose. Dean on the other hand has a split lip and bruising on both sides of his face. Neither apologizes for the bruises, however, because they have an unspoken understanding.

Dean flips on the TV, more for background noise than anything else. Castiel pops some pills and lights up, smoking while Dean rests against him, feeling every inhale of breath.

"School will be starting soon," Cas informs him.

"Mmhm," Dean whispers against Cas's bare chest.

"You should invite Sam over for the weekend."

"Ya," He nods in agreement. "I think we have a lot more making up to do first." Dean smirks pressing his lips lightly to Cas's skin.

"My whole being hurts," Cas accuses him lightly.

"I'll see what I can do."

Cas just hums thoughtfully as Dean continues his ministrations, his tongue sweeping over Cas's nipples. He continues to finish his cigarette before putting it out in order to pull Dean up for a kiss. It's soft and exploring with just a touch of playfulness that alludes to the fact that they're ok for now. Dean kisses down Cas's neck nipping at the old mark and making some new ones.

He makes his way down, nuzzling Cas's cock through his pants. "Remember the first time?" Dean asks, his green eyes flicking up to Cas's blue ones.

"You have certainly improved," Cas smirks at him.

"Practice," Dean hums against him, kissing along the Latin tattoo across Cas's hips.

He slowly pulls the waistband down, freeing Cas's hardening cock. Dean smirks slightly before tentatively licking the head, causing the other man to groan tilting his head back. This was different then earlier, this was simple and slow, but no less intimate then the roughness they enjoyed mere hours before.

Cas's hand entwined itself in Dean's hair while the other gripped the couch as Dean took him into his warm mouth. He moved slowly, inch by inch. Which was both pleasing and frustrating the dark haired man; as Dean sucked gently he splayed his hand on Cas's stomach before caressing him. Castiel was breathing heavily as Dean picked up the pace moving back and forth faster.

"Ah, Dean," Cas pants his hips moving up as he tightens his grip on Dean.

He cums with a guttural groan, his head thrown back and his surging forward. Dean keeps moving sucking him through the orgasm, which if Cas's state is anything to go by was an intense one. He pulls off; placing a kiss to Cas's hip before tucking him back into his lounge pants.

"You ok?" Dean looks up at him, resting his chin on Castiel's torso.

Cas just exhales loudly in reply, his eyes still shut tight as he continues to come down.

"That good, huh," He smirks cockily, moving up to kiss Cas on the lips before laying back down against him.

"You're going to be the death of me." Cas informs him breathlessly.

"Worse ways to go," Dean chuckles resting his head against him.

He was a little hard himself, but it didn't matter. Cas was so blissed out that Dean wasn't sure he could move and Dean himself didn't want to. The simplicity of them being near each other was enough right now. Two days wasn't too long to be gone from one another, but it seemed like it when they were fighting.

Cas wraps his arms around Dean, as they doze together on the couch. The only noise is the dialogue from whatever random show happened to be on. It was comfortable and familiar, both knew they couldn't stay like that forever, but for now it was perfect.

The next day, the pair woke up early because they both had to work. The light of the new day brought their injuries to full form upon one another's flesh.

"You look like shit," Dean informs the other man, as Cas shrugs on his shirt.

"I fell off my bike," he deadpans.

"You sound like a battered wife," He shakes his head, hopping into his jeans.

"I believe you are the wife in the relationship." Cas smirks at him.

"No one would believe it looking at us, princess," Dean shoots back playfully.

"Maybe I should teach you a lesson," he mock threatens, thumbing over a bruise on Dean's cheek.

"You gunna push me down the stairs?" He whispers sarcastically, his eyes darkening as their hips brush against each others.

"As fun as that sounds," Cas moves closer, their lips almost brushing. "I'm afraid we do not have time."

Dean closes the gap bringing their mouths together in a lingering kiss. They pull back at the same time, knowing that they would be late for work it they didn't end it now.

"I'll pick you up after I get off, if you don't mind waiting a bit." Dean offers changing the tone of the room and throwing on his shirt.

"I do not mind," Cas informs him, slipping on his shoes before heading out of the bedroom.

Cas eats half a poptart while Dean scarfs a bowl of cereal, they really where on a time crunch this morning. Dean figured hitting the snooze button more than a couple times, was probably not the best idea. They rushed out the door, Cas running back to grab his shoulder bag as Dean went to start the car.

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	18. Things we already know

AN: ENJOY! ;D

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><p>Dean actually gets off early from work that day, Bobby was in an extra good mood for some reason or maybe he took pity on Dean due to how beat up he looked. He drove straight to pick up Castiel and decided to head into the library, see Cas in his work environment. It might be a weird kink Dean has, but he was really hoping they could sneak off for some naught fun. As soon as he walks in, he catches Castiel's bruise ridden eye as the man pushes a cart of books towards the elevators. He can't help but chuckle a little to himself; if he didn't know Cas he would have thought he was a member of fight club or something. Dean hustles to catch up with him.<p>

"Hello Dean," Cas states quietly.

"I got out early," Dean informs him as they wait for the elevator to arrive.

"I have to shelve these books before I am done."

"Ok," He smirks following Cas into the opened doors of the lift.

They stand there quietly, Castiel pushing the button for the top floor. Dean watching each number light up as they ride to the top.

He leans close to Cas's ear, "Ever have sex on an elevator?" He whispers.

Cas shoots him a look, "Yes, but not one with camera's." Dean looks up to find a camera tucked away in the upper corner.

"Are there camera's every where?" Dean asks as they stop on the top floor, the doors dinging open.

"Not everywhere." Cas informs him, pushing the cart out.

The top floor of the library was the older section; few people came up there unless they really wanted to find a specific book. It seemed darker and mustier than the rest of the building and the place was deserted. Dean traipsed after Cas, taking in all of his surroundings. Castiel led them deeper into the shelves, pretending like Dean wasn't there, deftly shelving books as he went.

Dean was surprised at how quickly Cas was returning the books on the shelves, if he didn't know any better he would have assumed the other man was just sticking them in random spots. After a while, there were only a couple books left to be shelved and Dean was completely turned around. They were obviously along the far wall of the building due to the brick across from the shelf they stood at, but other than that he had no clue what so ever.

Cas stopped abruptly, looking around before turning to Dean and kissing him roughly. He pushes Dean up against the wall, Dean pleasantly surprised at the turn of events. This was exactly what he had been hoping for when he arrived. Cas slid his hands under Dean's shirt as they make-out against the brick wall, Dean's hands holding Cas's hips.

"We have about thirty minutes," Cas whisper's into his ear his hand working at Dean's pants, "You make any noise and I'll stop." He warns deeply.

Dean nods as Cas's hand slips past his now open fly and begins to stroke him. He closes his eyes and bites his lip, trying desperately to remain silent. Cas strokes him for a bit as they continue to kiss, he moves down to Dean's neck and sucks a new mark into place. Dean breathing heavily as he continues to struggle against the barrage of feelings, Cas then drops down in front of him. He takes his length into his mouth hollowing out his cheeks as he sucks skillfully teasing the head when he pulls back. Dean's hand against the back of Cas's head desperately.

Cas releases him slowly, blowing on Dean's slick cock as he stands back up and crushes their mouths together passionately. He then nudges Dean away from the wall, coaxing him to bend over in front of him. Dean grips the book shelf as he hears Castiel unzip his trousers, realizing that they were in the theology and occult section. Dean smirking, who had a fetish now he thought as Cas moves his hand against Dean's back before slipping into the back of his pants. He caresses Dean's ass briefly before he starts to prepare him, it doesn't take much.

Dean's white knuckling the shelf as he keeps every noise he's dying to utter inside. His split lip reopening in the effort as Cas pushes his Jeans down and thrusts into Dean. Cas pounds him furiously, Dean is surprised that books are falling off the shelves with the force behind each thrust.

"Don't cum on the books," Cas warns him quietly as he grips Dean's shoulder as he keeps pumping frantically.

Dean's so close it hurts, but he's holding back on Cas's orders. Cas cums hard inside him, gripping Dean's shoulder and muffling himself against Dean's back. He freezes momentarily before pulling away and pushing Dean back against the brick. Cas licks the pre cum off Dean's dick and as soon as he envelopes him in his mouth, Dean cums muffling himself in the crook of his arm.

Cas swallows him down and tucks him away, as Dean breathes heavily above him. They recompose and straighten themselves up as close to what they looked like before as possible. Dean kisses Cas briefly, a smirk on his lips.

"Good to see librarians are still enforcing the noise policy," Dean whispers.

"Shh," Cas hushes him, as he pushes the cart away to shelve the last two books.

He runs his hand through his messy dark locks as he stretches to place the final book on the shelf, Dean watching him idly. They stay silent like they didn't just have sex in amongst the shelves. Dean was amazed that Cas didn't get lost in the labyrinth of shelving as he lead them knowingly around.

"There you are Castiel!" A voice quietly calls from behind them, causing them to turn in surprise. "I was looking all over for you." The middle aged woman informs him.

Dean and Cas share a brief look, "My apologies, I was helping Dean find a book," he replies smoothly, the women looking Dean up and down like a piece of meat. Cas clears his throat, "What did you need, Pricilla?"

"Right," She snaps back to Cas, "Um, I couldn't find the call log for the reference section and Sally-Anne said you had it last, so…"

"I put it away in the folder," He informs her flatly as they start walking towards the elevators, "Where it belongs."

Dean pushes the down button as the three of them wait awkwardly for the elevator.

"Oh, how stupid of me," Pricilla laughs to herself, "Why didn't I check there?"

"Because I am the only one who puts it in its proper place," Cas offers watching as the doors ding open and he strolls inside, Dean following close behind.

"So true," She smiles, not picking up on Castiel's accusing ire.

Dean just smirks, finding it funny to see Cas interacting with people he words with.

"You two friends?" Pricilla asks, her walleyed gaze falling upon Dean again.

"It's more complicated than that," Cas deadpans, watching the floors light by.

Priscilla arches a brow in brief confusion as she looks between the two men. Her gaze stopping on Dean for help, he just smirks and points at Cas and himself before making a crude gesture involving his mouth and hand. Her eyes go wide, she's about to open her mouth to say something when the doors open to the ground floor and Cas pushes forward with cart. Cas smirks, having seen the exchange in the reflection of the metallic elevator doors.

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	19. So I'll just

"You know that Pricilla bitch totally could have caught us," Dean smirks as he peels out of the parking lot.

"Correct me if I'm wrong," Cas starts, "But isn't that the thrill of public sex."

"You have a point," He chuckles. "There aren't cameras there on the third floor?"

"Only in the open areas," he informs him, "I'm sure Pricilla got more than she bargained for either way." Cas smirks knowingly.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Dean feigns innocence, Cas just narrowing his eyes at him.

"Did you talk to your brother to invite him over?" He changes the subject.

"Not yet."

Cas sighs, sliding closer to Dean and searching through his pockets.

"What the hell," Dean asks in surprise, "I'm trying to drive."

"Do not get excited, Dean." He orders procuring Dean's phone from his pants pocket.

Dean watches out of the corner of his eye as Cas's slender fingers fly across the buttons on his phone. A moment or two after he's finished, Dean's ringtone for Sammy goes off, Cas quickly stopping it.

"He says he would love to stay over this weekend." Cas informs him, texting a reply. "He's looking forward to it and we will pick him up Friday at 7."

"I was going to do," Dean mumbles.

"Well, it is done now."

When Friday rolls around, Dean is stuck using one of his days off to clean the house while Cas is at work. Castiel took the car, saying that it would be easier, but Dean knew it was to prevent him from shirking the cleaning duties. Cas told him it was important since it was his brother that was coming over.

Dean really felt like a house wife today; having to vacuum, dust, scrub and throw away food that was no longer edible that still resided in the fridge. It was amazing how bad it had gotten without them noticing. He finally finished around three or so and hopped into the shower before Cas got back.

After he got dressed and plopped on the couch to relax the front door burst open, Cas coming through in a furry and slamming the door. Dean could almost see the tension coming off the other man, and couldn't help but sigh. Was it really too much to ask to have just a moment to relax, it was his day off for crying out loud.

"Fucking stereotypical whores and their labels!" Cas ranted tossing his bag on the kitchen chair and heading towards the bedroom.

"Good day at work?" Dean asks sarcastically.

Cas pops out of the bedroom shirtless and the fly of his khakis undone, "All those fucking bitches and their twenty cats just think that they can stick me in there little filing cabinets!" He motions.

"They are librarians, organizing is what they do." He offers, unsure what Cas is going on about.

"Dean, do I watch stupid reality fashion shows, do I know or care who the bachelor or bachelorette is going to pick!" He narrows his eyes, "And do I give a fuck if teal is the new rose for bridesmaid's dresses!"

"No," Dean replies lamely.

"Library bitches!" Cas rumbles, turning on his heel and slamming the bathroom door.

Dean just stares after him, as he hears the shower turn on. What the hell was that about, he wonders to himself as he settles back to watch TV. Hopefully the shower cools Cas down so he can talk like his normal self.

Cas comes out of the shower in his towel, tossing his pants into the bedroom. He plops irately onto the sofa.

"You calmed down now?" Dean questions gently.

"This is your doing." He gripes.

"What?" Dean looks at him in confusion.

"Ever since you're little encounter with Pricilla, the majority of the ladies assume I'm gay." Cas crosses his arms childishly.

"What do you care what they 'label' you as?"

"I wouldn't it if any of them had ever met anyone who wasn't strictly straight or cliché gay. They are old ladies, Dean all they see is black and white and it's frustrating."

"So they think you know fashion shit and stuff like that?" Dean smiles a little, because it's a bit funny.

"Yes," Cas nods staring straight ahead, "It doesn't help either that Chasta is fueling the fire."

"Of course that bitch is involved," he gripes, all good humor leaving him. "Just explain it to the other ladies."

"I shouldn't have to Dean, what I do or who I choose to be with is my own damn business." Cas states gravely. "I've been there long enough for them to somewhat get to know me and yet the slander from one jealous bitch changes their views of me." He sighs switching his position to rest his head dramatically on Dean's lap, "I do not understand people."

"You don't have to be friends with them Cas," Dean tells them running his hand through his damp hair.

"I'm not trying to be."

"If they don't listen to the truth they aren't worth it babe."

"I suppose," Cas huffs closing his eyes and tossing his arm over his face.

"It's true." He adds as they sit in silence for a while.

"Thank you for cleaning."

"No problem," Dean brushes his thumb over Castiel's lips. "What do you want to do with Sammy tonight?" He asks trying to lighten the mood.

"I don't care," he huffs petulantly.

"I was thinking mini golf and then pizza and movies back here."

"I've never mini golfed," Cas deadpans, blinking up at Dean.

"Well you're missing out," Dean tells him smiling as he gently traces the shadow of the bruise under Cas's eye.

"Can't we cancel?" Cas pouts a little burying his face in Dean's lap.

"This was your doing," Dean reminds him humorously, "You are going to have so much fun you'll explode."

"Sounds dangerous."

"Trust me."

"Hmm," Cas hums, "I suppose clothes are necessary."

"Might be a good idea, unless you want to scar my brother," Dean smirks.

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	20. Every beat

AN: Thanks for all the great feedback, etc. It's awesome! Keep it up!

ENJOY!

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><p>After a couple cigarettes Cas finally gets up to go and get dressed, his hair sticking up worse then usual because of Dean. It's almost six thirty and Cas still hasn't emerged from the bedroom.<p>

"We should probably get a move on," Dean peeks into the room.

Castiel is fully dressed and doing a couple yoga stretches on the floor, probably to clear his mind.

"Fine," He stands, stretching back so the hem of his shirt rises up slightly.

"You're too damn tempting." Dean gripes stomping away to find his keys, stupid teenage horniness.

"I told you we should cancel," Cas calls from the bedroom.

"You arranged it," he reminds him.

"Nope," he states appearing in the kitchen and slipping on his shoes. "You ready," Cas tilts his head, running a hand through his hair.

Dean looks at him like he's seriously contemplating canceling on his brother.

"We shouldn't keep your brother waiting." Cas narrows his eyes at him, "I was promised fun and mini golf, which seems pointless, but…"

"All right let's go," he cuts him off storming out of the door.

Cas smokes on the way there, Dean had made him promise he wouldn't smoke around Sammy. Unless they where in other rooms or inside and outside of a building. He knew it would be a bit of torture for the dark haired man, but Castiel agreed none the less.

When they arrive at the Winchester's Sam is all ready waiting on the stoop with his back pack. No sooner does Dean put the car in park than Sam is bounding into the back seat.

"You're late, jerk." Sam informs him, "Hey Castiel."

"Hello Sam," Cas greets him.

Dean throws the car in reverse, "You're lucky we came at all, bitch."

"Whatever," he huffs.

"Mom and dad going out tonight?"

"Ya," Sam replies, "They where getting ready and fighting about this new chick Bobby's seeing or something."

"That would explain the good mood," Dean nods thinking about Bobby's recent change in demeanor.

"That's gross."

"Perfectly natural, Sammy."

"How's the library, Cas?" Sam changes the subject.

"Musty," Castiel deadpans, causing Sam to laugh.

"Good to know the place hasn't changed," he smiles. "I've been reading this book about John Dee and Edward Kelley, it's really interesting."

"You should come to the library there is a whole theology section and we have some old volumes about Enochian translations."

"That'd be awesome; I'll definitely have to check it out." Sam nods.

Dean starts to loose interest on the nerd fest happening between his boyfriend and his brother. "As interesting as this conversation is," he clears his throat.

"It's very interesting," Sam glares good naturedly at him in the rearview mirror.

"We are going mini golfing," Cas states flatly, "I assume you've been before."

"Ya," Sam nods like it's the most common activity ever, "Who hasn't been mini golfing."

"Sammy," Dean warns.

"What?" He asks confused, before catching on. "Oh, sorry Cas."

"It's all right Sam," Cas assures him then glares at Dean for making it a big deal. "I just never had the occasion."

"It's pretty fun, you just hit a ball into a hole." He explains to him.

"I am aware."

"Ya, I'm sure you'll be a natural." Dean smirks turning into the parking lot, earning another dangerous look from Castiel.

Sam pretends he doesn't hear what was just said. They park the car and traipse out heading to the little office of 'Put Put Paradise'.

Cas stops waving them ahead so he can smoke, "I'll catch up."

"Come on you gotta pick out the color of your ball and stuff," Dean informs him.

He lights his cigarette looking disinterestedly at Dean, "You know what color I like."

"Fine, come on Sammy."

Dean and Sam head into the office, Dean paying for a round. Sam picks a red ball while Dean grabs a blue one; he contemplates getting Cas a pink one but ends up grabbing green, lest he hear Cas bitching the whole time. Castiel strides in right when they're picking there clubs, Dean smirking mischievously.

"Here," he hands Cas a baby putter.

"It's very small," he scrutinizes it.

"That's a children's putter," the kid behind the counter states bored.

Dean frowns; his joke ruined as Cas shoots him a look and exchanges the putter for a regular one.

"Dean," Sam looks at him warningly telling him to be nice.

"Come on," He whines as they head out to the course.

"You have my ball," Cas blinks at him.

"Yep," Dean hands it to him, with a smirk.

"I'm going first," Sam jumps in front, setting up to tee. "It's super easy, Castiel." He informs him going through the motions for Cas's benefit.

Luckily Cas is a quick learner and it's not that hard of thing to learn, but it gets boring real fast. Sam is still trying to win, which he probably will since Dean and Cas lost interest a few holes ago. Dean just keeps making innuendo's to try to get a rise out of Cas and Cas looks bored out of his mind while itching to smoke. The two men changing the game to see who could knock each other's ball into all the traps; as Sam starts to complain that they aren't trying.

"The last hole eats the ball," Sam informs Cas.

"Why?"

"It's just how they collect them," Dean shrugs, tossing his arm over Cas's shoulder's.

"I see," He nods placing his ball in Dean's pocket as they share a look.

"Too bad you lost you're ball in the water back there," Dean winks at him.

"When did that happen?" Sam looks back.

"A couple holes ago," Cas replies blandly.

"Oh," he nods, his brow still creased as he tries to remember the incident.

"Hurry up, Sammy I'm starving." Dean prods him with his putter, "Here hit mine in too."

Sam quickly puts both into the pit of no return and they head down the steps to return their putters. They head back to the car, Sam walking slightly ahead of Dean and Cas.

"So did you have fun?" Sam asks enthusiastically.

"It was interesting." Cas deadpans.

Dean chuckles at Castiel's words before whispering, "Let's not do that again, OK."

Cas smirks at him, Dean placing a brief kiss to his temple when they come upon the car.

"Well, I thought it was." Sam jumps into the car. "Thanks Dean."

"No problem, Sammy."

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	21. Slows down my heart

On the way back they stop at the Dollar Video to rent a couple movies, Dean lets Sam pick whatever he wants. Cas choosing to stay in the car so he can smoke again. They end up getting a horror movie and action movie, which seem all right.

"So… pizza?" Dean asks as they head back to the car with the movies.

"What about tacos?"

"That could be good." He nods as they slide back into the car. "You down for Mexican, Cas?"

"That will do," Cas nods, flicking the butt of his cigarette out the window.

They stop at the drive through ordering a bunch of tacos and three large 's, because according to Dean that's the best flavor combination.

When they get back to the apartment, Dean instructs Sam to get the movie ready while they get plates and stuff. Sam bounds out of the kitchen and Cas kisses Dean while snaking his green golf ball from the man's pocket. He pulls back tossing it into the bowl on top of the fridge.

"Thank you, Dean." Cas states moving to help dole out the tacos onto paper plates.

"I'm just the accomplice." Dean jokes holding his hands up and he grabs some napkins.

Sam coming pack into the kitchen, "It's all set, I figured we'd watch the scary one first."

"Sounds good kid," he nods handing Sam his plate and following Cas out to the sofa.

Cas places his drink on the coffee table before tucking himself up onto one end of the couch, Dean sitting next to him while Sam sits on the other end. They eat silently as the previews play on the movie, Sam having a weird fascination for watching the previews no matter how old the movie is.

"You don't mind sleeping on the couch do you?" Dean asks Sam, even though he all ready knows the answer.

"No that's totally cool."

"I figured we'd grab some breakfast in the morning too, but by all means sleep in."

"All right, great!" Sam smiles turning back to the TV and his meal.

Dean looks over at Cas who, in his silence, all ready finished two of his tacos. He hand's the last one to Dean after he eats half of it. Dean just takes it, food is food, and eats it with the rest of his own. Castiel sipping his soda and idly playing with the straw as they watch the gory movie.

Half way through, Cas excuses himself to go smoke in the other room. Dean's happy he's making the effort for Sam, it means a lot. When he pads back to his spot he's a lot calmer and rests his head against Dean's shoulder. Sam had moved to the floor to get a closer seat to the TV.

It's almost eleven when the movie ends, Sam changing into his PJ's before putting the second one in and moving back to his spot on the couch. About twenty minutes in, Dean looks around to find that both Cas and Sam are snoring quietly. He can't help but smile a little. He figures he'll give it a half hour incase they wake up.

Dean finds the movie extremely boring and when neither of the others wakes up he figures it's probably time for bed. He kisses the top of Cas head before running his fingers through his hair.

"Babe," he calls moving slightly to jostle the sleeping man, "Cas let's go to bed."

Castiel squints before blinking drowsily at Dean, ridding himself of sleep. "Mmk," he murmurs getting up and heading for the bedroom.

Dean flicks off the TV, and throws a blanket over his brother. "'Night Sammy," he ruffles his hair.

"Night," Sam mumbles as he positions himself fully on the couch.

He shuts off all the lights and makes sure the door is locked before heading off to bed. Cas is all ready under the covers as Dean closes the door and shucks off his clothes. Dean crawls in, his head just hitting the pillow when Cas's form is pressing against him. Castiel kisses up to Dean's lips where they kiss lazily for a while.

"Thanks for being cool with the smoking thing," Dean whispers.

Cas just nods, kissing him again as his hand slides down to the waistband of Dean's shorts. Dean pulls back from the kiss and grabs Cas's wrist to stop him, causing the dark haired man to blink curiously at him in the dark.

"Can we not," Dean asks gently, "It's just Sammy's here and…"

"Fine," Cas huffs moving instantly away as if Dean was lava. He rolls onto his side, his back facing Dean.

"Cas don't be like that," he turns to him, running his fingers down Castiel's spine.

Cas moves away from his touch. "You are correct, Dean," he tells him tonelessly, "It wouldn't be appropriate."

"Babe," Dean tries again; placing his hand on Cas's hip trying to turn him.

"I'm trying to sleep, Dean." Cas warns him.

"Whatever," he grits out, turning so that his back now faced Cas's. "So not a big fucking deal," he adds under his breath.

Apparently in the silence of the sleeping apartment, Cas heard him. The covers are thrown off and Cas grabs his pillow and cigarettes before striding out of the room. Dean watches as Cas closes the door behind him.

"What the fuck," Dean sighs to himself looking up at the ceiling.

He tries to go to sleep, but he can't. Groaning in frustration he sits up, throwing on some pants sweats and going in search of Castiel. Sam is still peacefully sleeping on the couch as Dean walks past him to the kitchen. The front door was still locked so Dean decided to check the balcony. He peaked out, seeing the smooth back of Castiel sitting Indian style and smoking in the moon light.

Dean quietly slides the door open, a cool gust of wind rushing past him.

"Aren't you cold?" He asks closing the door and dropping to sit next to the other man.

Cas doesn't reply, just continues to smoke as he stares out at the night.

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><p>Merci mucho! :)Review(: Any suggestions etc are welcome... let me know! :D<p> 


	22. All the things

AN: Cas is still kind of dealing with shit...

Any vhey...

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><p>They sit in silence, Cas slowly inhaling and exhaling smoke. Dean's waiting hopefully for Castiel to speak, watching him out of the corner of his eye as he finishes one cigarette and starts another. After what feels like hours, Dean figures Cas isn't going to talk anytime soon.<p>

"You're not seriously mad are you?" Dean hedges staring up at the stars, they really need chairs out here, he thought aside.

"No." Castiel replies simply.

"What's up then?" He nudges Cas gently.

He exhales, "I suppose I'm just jealous."

"Ooh, jealousy…That's a sin, man," Dean fakes shock.

Cas rolls his eyes, "I am aware." He replies softly.

Dean picks up on Cas's dejectedness, "Jealous of what?"

"It's not of import."

"Cas," Dean looks at him knowingly.

"I don't expect you to understand, Dean."

"Here we go," he huffs, scrubbing his hand over his face.

"Just make time for your brother," Cas instructs him sadly as he stands. He flicks the rest of his cigarette off the balcony before squeezing Dean's shoulder. "He looks up to you, Dean." Cas slides his hand away as he heads back inside.

Dean stays out on the balcony for a while contemplating things. He had been neglecting Sammy, sure he saw him every Sunday for family breakfast, but that wasn't the same. The movie they went to when he had that fight with Cas was a rare occurrence. He conceded that it didn't really count either since it had an ulterior motive behind it. Dean knew he was acting kind of selfish, even the brother that Castiel did have wasn't as close to the kind of brotherly relationship he had with Sam.

He could totally get why that might cause Cas some jealousy, it wasn't fare, but that's how it was. Gabe hadn't even come for a real visit yet and they'd been living there for about two months, maybe more. Dean stood up, stretching a bit. He had decided to set up a weekly thing with his brother that was separate from the Sunday thing. Which made him also, all be it grudgingly, think it was about time Gabriel popped in.

Dean crept back into the apartment, grabbing Cas's pillow and locking the sliding door. He was going to talk to Sam about it at breakfast tomorrow; maybe he could let Cas sleep in while they just went. Castiel would understand especially if he brought him back breakfast. He made sure Sammy was still out like a light as he made his way across the flat.

Slipping back into the bedroom he found Castiel sleeping curled up on himself having taken Dean's pillow. Dean tosses the other pillow down slipping beneath the sheets and fitting himself against Cas. Castiel relaxed further back into him, uncurling slightly as they slotted together. Dean placing his arm around Cas's middle as he too slipped off to sleep.

Dean woke up at 9:30 the next morning when Cas's arm collided with his face.

"What the," Dean starts sitting up too quickly.

Cas just snuggles back into the covers still asleep. Dean sighs, rubbing the sleep form his eyes. He stretches briefly and heads out of the room to use the bathroom. When he's finished he peaks into the living room, Sam watching cartoons on the sofa.

"Hey, Sammy," He greets heading to sit on the couch with him.

"Morning, Dean." Sam smiles, "I didn't wake you up did I?"

"Nah, Cas tried to beat me up," Dean chuckles.

"Is that what happened to your face and Cas's for that matter?" Sam asks awkwardly.

"He fell off his bike."

"Right…" he replies not really buying it, "And you what…fell down the stairs."

"Something like that," Dean smirks before changing the subject. "So what do you say to me and you grabbing some breakfast?"

"What about Cas?"

"He could use the sleep," he supplies, "so just us bro's." Dean smiles at him.

"Great, I'll get ready." Sam hops up grabbing his bag as he heads to the bathroom.

Dean makes his way back to the bedroom, he closes the door in order to change. Castiel is sleeping on his stomach, his arms bent by his head. He crawls towards the sleeping man, pressing a couple kisses up Cas's bare back causing him to squirm a little.

"Cas," Dean calls softly.

"M'sleep," Cas mumbles deeply.

"I know babe," he smirks kissing Cas's neck. "I'm taking Sammy to breakfast."

"Good-bye, Dean," he replies softly, his words muffled by his pillow.

"Want me to bring you something back?"

"Food."

Dean just smiles as he moves off the bed to throw some clothes on. Cas was ridiculous and adorable, Dean knew that he would probably wouldn't remember this conversation a few hours from now.

"Bye Cas, love you." Dean whispers kissing Cas's head.

"Love you," Cas rumbles back.

Dean heads back out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him; Sam waiting patiently on the couch.

"All set?"

"Yep, where we going?" Sam asks eagerly as they go out the front door, Dean locking it behind them.

"Wherever you want, Sammy."

Sam ends up picking this new breakfast place that has chickens and roosters all over and has this disgusting name, 'The cock-a-doodle-Eatery'. Dean figures that's what he gets for letting a 14 year old pick the place. On the plus side they had Cas's favorite pancakes, so it wasn't all bad.

"So I was thinking, Sammy," Dean starts as they peruse the menus.

"Uh-oh," Sam jokes.

"Can it!" He threatens him, "Any way, I was thinking we could make this like a regular thing, if you want." Dean adds.

"Like hang out once a week or something?"

"Ya, we could set a day and if for whatever reason we can't make it we schedule a different day or night for that matter."

"That'd be cool." Sam smiles at him. "How about like Thursday or Friday?"

"Works for me," he nods, "And you can call anytime."

"Thanks Dean."

The waitress shows up and they place their orders; Dean getting the combo plate that comes with eggs, meat and pancakes. To his disgust Sam gets some weird healthy grain and fruit pancake thing. The two brothers just talk, catching up with each other's lives.

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><p>:)Review(: please and thank you ;D<p> 


	23. We tried our best

AN: Thank you all for the lovely feed back and suggestions! I write chapter to chapter, seeing where it takes, me so your reviews etc help shape the story. Keep it up! ;D

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><p>Dean comes back a couple hours later, after dropping Sam off and popping in to say hi to his mom, pancakes in tow. Cas is staring blankly into space on the couch, probably still half asleep, with a cigarette billowing smoke between his fingers.<p>

"Hey Cas," Dean runs his hand through Castiel's hair before dropping the take home bag on his lap and sitting down next to him. "How awesome am I," he smirks, stretching his arms on the back of the sofa.

Cas tentatively peeks into the bag, before pulling out the container inside. "No coffee?" he asks, popping the lid open to reveal lemon pancakes with whipped cream on top.

"No cup holders," Dean reminds him.

"Hmm," Cas nods, putting out his cigarette before starting to pick at the pancakes with his fingers.

They sit in silence, Cas eating the pancakes before absently clearing his throat; Dean chancing a glance at him, Castiel just blinking back nonchalantly.

Dean sighs as he gets up retreating to the kitchen briefly, coming back with a mug of orange juice, "You're fucking needy, you know that." He hands the mug to Cas.

"Thank you, Dean." Cas swallows smugly as Dean sits back down. "How's Sam? You two have a good time together? " He asks after taking a sip of his juice.

"Yeah, he's doing good, we're going to try and hang out every Thursday or Friday."

"That is a wise idea."

"Speaking about brothers," Dean starts, "Have you talked to Gabe recently."

Cas licks some cream off his thumb, "He's still in Taiwan."

"Ah," Dean nods, "Well he should come for a visit when he gets back."

"Perhaps," he leans forward placing the empty container on the coffee table.

"You have," Dean motions to his face, realizing Cas had some powdered sugar there.

"What?" Cas tilts his head in confusion, narrowing his eyes.

Dean sighs, "Come here," he places his hand on the back of Cas's neck to bring him closer so he could lick the sugar off. He drops a chaste kiss to Cas's lips before pulling away, Cas smirking a bit.

"Did Sam have fun over the weekend?" He asks, positioning himself against Dean as he sips from his mug.

"Yeah, he had a blast." Dean rubs his thumb on Castiel's arm.

"Good," Cas nods, "Mini golf was quite the experience."

Dean chuckles at that, "I still can't believe you stole the ball."

"Technically, you stole it."

"I'm no one's mule!" Dean informs him.

"Maybe I'll start a collection," he supplies idly.

"You need a hobby," He states, "That doesn't involve steeling."

"I suppose," Cas fiddles with his mug.

"And smoking doesn't count," Dean adds.

Cas tilts his head back to glare up at him, "What's your hobby? And do not say eating."

"Working on cars," he shrugs.

"That's your job, Dean."

"So you work at a library and like books," Dean defends himself, "What's wrong with doing what you love?"

"Nothing," Castiel sighs shifting back into Dean. "I think you need a hobby."

Dean's silent for a beat, racking his brain for what his hobby was. "Running," he states proudly, "That's my hobby."

"When was the last time you went running?" Cas asked, prodding Dean's gut.

"Shut up," Dean huffs defensively. "I'm going tomorrow."

"Before church?"

"Ya, I always go super early."

"I'll believe that when I see it." Cas informs him.

"Whatever you'll be unconscious anyway," Dean states. "You do your yoga and I'll run."

"See we do have hobbies."

"I guess, we do," Dean nods thoughtfully, "What you want to do today?"

"I don't know," Cas replies tapping his fingers on the ceramic, "Nothing."

"I think that's fairly doable." He wraps his arms around Cas, "You still miffed about the work bitches?" Dean asks cautiously.

"Mhph," Cas huffs petulantly as he tries to shrink farther down.

"You can't turn invisible Castiel," Dean chuckles.

"I'm done talking about."

"Fine, but when you want to plot against that Chasta bitch, let me know." He offers grabbing the remote and turning on the TV.

Cas procures a cigarette and starts smoking, Dean can feel the tension starting to rise off the smaller man. He finds this random show that's like a train wreck, but they somehow get enthralled with it.

"This cannot be real," Castiel states, leaning forward to put out his cigarette.

"I'm afraid it is," Dean says in disgust unable to look away.

Apparently it was a marathon and after three, hour long episodes Cas is sound asleep against him, Dean wavering in and out of consciousness. It is in this weird sleep state that Dean starts to have an extremely realistic dream or nightmare.

Cas and Dean were at the Old Mill, tied to a steel pole while Crowley stood above them on the cat walk. He was just laughing at them as he looked down from his perch. He leaned over the banister and jest kept laughing and laughing, for what felt like years, until Crowley looked to his left revealing Balthazar and to his right revealing Chasta. The two new people just started in on the laughing and it didn't make sense, but Cas disappeared and he was alone. Dean couldn't move or scream, or rather he tried to scream, but nothing came out.

The tormenting was coming in surround sound and it felt like the chains that where once wrapped around him, where actually boring into his flesh. Every time he tried to scream or call for help, the mocking just continued and multiplied. The three faces morphing becoming more and more grotesque with each chuckle that escapes them.

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><p>:)REVIEW(: Please and thank you!<p> 


	24. To find us

AN: So, I finally have a more concrete plan for this! (YAY!) This will follow the first year of them living together etc (I'll prob should change the synopsis...) Then I may make another story that catches glimpses of there lives in latter years... (just a thought...) Thanks guys!

ENJOY!

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><p>The dream keeps going, until Alistair shows up. Well, he believes it's Alistair judging by the way the people above him eyes are gleaming. Dean senses the presences right up behind him, a wet tongue that he knows isn't Cas's licking along his ear. He keeps trying to yell and move away, but he can't. Then he feels a blade at his back as the figure behind him whispers in his ear. Dean can't make out the words, because the feeling of the blade being driven home is all too real.<p>

"Dean," Cas calls as Dean wakes with a start.

The violent movement, in which he wakes, disrupts Castiel and tips him off the sofa.

"Cas!" Dean huffs out, finally able to voice his distress.

Cas blinks at him from his spot on the floor, "I thought you weren't having those dreams anymore."

"I wasn't," he pants, reaching out to help Cas back up. "It was just a random nightmare."

"It's daytime," Cas deadpans sitting down and watching Dean carefully.

"It was so real," he states, recalling the particulars of the dream.

"They often are," he places his hand on Dean's shoulder. "Was it the lake?"

"No it was different," Dean takes a beat to further calm down. "They were just laughing and laughing," he shakes his head, "And the chains where so tight, the pain was so real." He looks at Cas's concerned eyes.

"It was not real, Dean." He offers lamely.

"No shit, thanks for that brilliant deduction, Cas." Dean unfairly snaps at him.

Cas removes his hand from Dean's shoulder and sits back, away from him.

"Sorry," he sighs.

"Yeah," Cas nods standing up to grab a cigarette, "Who was tormenting you?"

"I, I couldn't see their faces," Dean lies, regretting the fib it instantly.

Cas exhales a puff of smoke, his sharp eyes scrutinizing Dean, "Very well." He runs his hand through his messy dark hair.

Dean knows that Castiel can tell he's not telling him everything and he hates himself for it. He motions for Cas to come back to the couch, the dark haired man eyeing him suspiciously as he sits back down.

"It was just a dream," Dean states, reassuring himself and taking Castiel's hand. "No reason to worry about it."

Castiel remains quiet, watching Dean intertwine their fingers together. Dean can't take the heavy silence anymore; he's done talking about the dream, even though he knows he owes Cas the truth. Instead he opts to change the subject by taking Castiel's chin in his hand in order to bring their lips together.

Dean kisses him gently, Cas hesitant at first until he gives in to the insistent lips upon his own. Cas deepens the kiss, allowing for better access as Dean pushes back. Dean's hand is in Cas's hair while Cas's is splayed on Dean's chest. Neither feel like going any farther, they just keep kissing, choosing to make-out instead of dealing with things. It's mostly Dean avoiding the subject, but Cas isn't putting up a fight.

They continue to kiss languidly, Castiel pulling back slightly, but keeping close. "You're avoiding," he rumbles lowly, kissing Dean again chastely.

"You're distracting," He replies kissing Cas deeply, leaning him back against the arm of the sofa.

"Dean," he breathes out, in what tries to be a warning tone.

"It was just Chasta," Dean places their lips together. "And Crowley," he murmurs against Cas's lips, praying he doesn't make out his words.

Cas does and freezes against him, pushing Dean away. Dean can't blame him because it was stupid of him to not just tell him right away, but Dean was used to doing stupid things and he did tell him.

"Dean," Cas states, flicking between being pissed and worried.

"I just didn't want to upset you," Dean offers lamely.

"Well you did." Cas worries his lip, "It's just a dream," he states looking down at his hands.

"Exactly," he breathes, "He's gone and won't be bothering us anymore."

"Right," Cas nods stiffly.

Dean studies him momentarily, "Why do you sound skeptical, Cas?" He places his hand on Castiel's head trying to get him to look at him.

"I was just remembering," he utters softly, avoiding eye contact with his hand on his chest.

Dean figures it sounds truthful enough, but there's something nagging him in the back of his mind. "Cas?"

"Let's go out," Cas stands grabbing another cigarette, and padding to the bedroom to grab his shirt; leaving Dean confused on the couch. In his absence Dean thinks he hears the faint sound of pills in a pill bottle.

"Ok," Dean nods watching after Cas.

A moment later Castiel returns not even looking at Dean, "Let's go," he utters around his tobacco stick heading off to the kitchen.

Dean gets off the couch following after the smaller man, "Where are we going?" he grabs the keys.

"Out," Cas informs him before heading striding through the door.

"What happened to doing nothing today?" He gripes before tagging along.

"Things change, Dean." He informs him before jogging down the stairs.

They end up driving around aimlessly, Cas not giving Dean any suggestions about where to go; not talking at all actually. He just sits there smoking, Dean chancing a glance at him every so often while Led Zeppelin pulses through the speakers.

"So…" Dean drums nervously. "Want to get some food or go to the park?"

"No."

"All right, wasting gas it is, then." Dean nods.

"Ok," Cas sighs.

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><p>:)REVIEW(: are great! ;D<p> 


	25. But there are

AN: O.K. so frame of time they are currently at is prob late July/early August... Case you where wondering! ;D

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><p>Eventually they head back home, after Dean picks up some food. Cas was still unresponsive so he orders him a coke slushy and an extra burger, just in case; Which he ends up eating of course. When they get back Castiel corners Dean in the kitchen and kisses his forehead.<p>

"I'm going to take a nap," Cas utters quietly turning to leave as he chews the straw on his drink.

Dean grabs his wrist pulling him back, "What's up with you?" he asks gently, looking down into Cas's eyes.

"I'm tired," He states simply, sipping thoughtfully on the slushy.

"Ya and I am the pope."

"You are not old or devout enough," Cas deadpans.

"Ya like you're a fucking saint," Dean eyes him.

"I'm tired and I do not wish to fight you, Dean."

Dean let's go of Castiel's wrist instantly, "Ya ok," he nods, taken aback.

Cas turns his back on Dean, striding swiftly to the bedroom and closing himself in. Once again, Dean is baffled at how different things can change just hour by hour. He had to get to the bottom of what Castiel was keeping from him, if that's what was going on. Dean figured his dream could have just stirred up the memory of what happened that night, but he still couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to it than that.

Dean mulls things over leaning on the kitchen counter with his hands bracing him at his sides. Cas will tell, he thinks to himself. They've come so far with this shit, he doesn't think Castiel would break that fragile trust they teeter on. He pushed of the counter, he was going to go crazy dwelling on this and there was no telling how long Cas was going to 'nap' for; he went to the bedroom door knocking on it gently.

"Cas, I'm going to go work on the car," he calls through the wood. "Will you be ok for a couple hours."

He waits a beat before Cas cracks the door open, shirtless and his hair fully messed.

"What?" Cas rumbles, only making eye contact for an instant.

"I'm going to work on the Impala for a bit," He reiterates, "You gunna be ok? It'll just be a couple hours."

"Very well, I'll see you later." He nods allowing Dean a brief kiss before closing the door again.

Dean works tirelessly on the car, working out the last few kinks, all is left is a new paint job and of course the moment of truth to see if runs. He'll double check everything first though. He ends up losing track of time and before he knows its well after six. He locks everything up and shoots a text to Cas saying he's on his way.

When he gets back, he finds that Cas had made Mac and cheese with pepperoni in it; which is weird, but delicious. Cas is serving some up into his blue bowl, since that's how the box shows it.

"Hello Dean," Cas greets him handing him a bowl as he walks off to the next room.

"Thanks, Cas." Dean follows after him, sitting on the floor in front of the couch so he doesn't get grease on it.

Cas was watching some history channel show about whether or not Jesus actually existed and had siblings. It was fairly interesting and Dean found himself actually paying attention as he hate his food.

"She almost running?" Cas asks, blowing on his pasta as he watches the commercial that is playing.

"Just a paint job and start up," Dean informs him, "I'm just double checking everything."

"Hmm," he hums as he chews.

"Oh, I talked to Jo the other day."

"Oh," Cas says with disinterest.

"I know it's a few months off, but she might be having a Halloween party." Dean tells him.

"I assume we will have to make an appearance."

"Most likely," Dean stands, taking Cas's bowl; which still contained a bit of food.

He took the bowls to the kitchen eating the rest of Castiel's before placing them in the dishwasher. Dean crosses the apartment, "I'm gunna shower," he informs Cas.

"Very well," Cas flippantly replies still engrossed in the show that is on.

Dean takes a nice hot shower, just throwing on some sweats before heading back to sit with Cas. Castiel is smoking idly, the blue smoke around him hinting that he was on at least his second.

"Chain smoking again," Dean sighs plopping down and resting his head upon Cas's lap.

"I didn't realize," he deadpans.

"I can think of better things to do," he smirks up at Cas.

Castiel narrows his eyes as he takes a drag, "I do not," he pauses, "feel like it."

Dean's a little taken aback at that statement, "We're eighteen, Cas," he blinks at him. "There is no 'not feeling like it'."

"I do not see what our ages have to do with it."

He opens his mouth to explain, but decides against. Dean chooses instead to turn back to the TV and just chill for the night. Castiel resting his hand on Dean's head as they watch the rest of the TV program together.

"I heard there's supposed to be fireworks later," Cas informs him.

"Do you think we can see them from the balcony?" Deans asks.

"Perhaps."

"What time?"

"Eight, I believe." Cas says.

"We should check it out, then."

Castiel nods silently smoking another cigarette as the history of pot starts.

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><p>:oplease :)REVIEW(: ;Dthank you!<p> 


	26. Lights to guide us

AN: Some holidays will be coming up soon... Happy reading!

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><p>That night when eight rolled around they crept out onto the balcony, Dean grabbing his jacket just in case. Cas still shirtless, Dean briefly wonders if he's high; but then fireworks start. Brilliant colors light up parts of the sky behind the building adjacent to theirs; which is cutting off the view slightly. Without a word, Cas climbs up onto the rail and up on to the roof, cigarette between his lips.<p>

"I swear you where raised as ninja," Dean gripes watching him before throwing on his jacket and following up.

"I suppose it's possible."

"You wouldn't say of course, because you where sworn to secrecy."

"Don't make me kill you," Cas deadpans, his eyes lighting up as the explosions barrage the night.

They fall silent, just taking in the scene of it all. The new vantage point really offered a better view; Dean wonders who's setting them off, but it doesn't really matter. Cas smoke billows around them as the colors change from copper reds to neon greens and everything in between. Dean steps silently behind the smaller man kissing his shoulder than resting his chin upon his bare shoulder. Cas's skin is cool and he leans back into Dean, Dean opening his jacket to envelope him in its warmth.

"It's amazing," Cas whispers darkly.

"Mhm," Dean murmurs, "We should come up here more often."

"Hmm," he hums thoughtfully.

After a while the fireworks start to come fewer and farther between, tapering off before the finally. Dean placing kisses to Cas's neck, his skin still fairly cold.

"You're like an iceberg," Dean whispers against Cas's skin.

"I am not a large ice mass in the middle of the ocean, Dean." He states frankly as Dean starts to nip at the juncture of his neck and shoulder, "If you keep this up, we will miss the finally."

"Not if we stay up here," He says softly in Castiel's ear, causing the man to shiver as he slides his hand down Cas's chest toward his waistband.

"Dean," his breathe hitches as the assault continues.

He slips his hand into Cas's pants, toying with his cock to get him hard. Dean can feel every inhale Cas takes as he's pressed tighter against him.

"You," Castiel starts, tilting his head back on Dean's shoulder. "Finish what you start," he pants.

"Why's that?" Dean asks cockily as he bites Cas's shoulder, his hand stroking steadily.

Cas hisses, keening against him, "I'm not climbing down like this." He bites his lip as Dean rolls his thumb over the head of his dick.

"Me neither," he challenges as his hand picks up pace.

Dean's other hand is splayed on Castiel's chest, thumbing one of his nipples. Cas reaches around, fisting the back collar of Dean's jacket for something to hold on to as each slide of fingers brings him closer to the edge. He sucks a new spot over the indent his teeth left on Cas's bare shoulder.

"Christ," Cas breathes, his eyes shut tight as Dean's thumb keeps rolling over the sensitive head after each stroke.

The fireworks fall to the background as the finally crescendo's around them brilliantly. It ends minutes before Cas's back arches as he cums hot and wet into Dean's hand.

"Fuck, Dean." He rumbles trying to unhitch his breathing.

Dean turns Cas's face to kiss him, "Bet you're not cold anymore," he smirks.

"Hmm," Cas hums, turning to face Dean. He looks him in the eye as he feels Dean's erection through his pants. "I think you could take care of yourself," Cas whispers darkly his mouth inches from Dean's as he grasps Dean's wrist.

Dean doesn't have time to react to the other man's words; Cas brings their mouths together urgently as he guides Dean's hand past the waistband. He worries Dean's lower lip between his teeth, pulling back when Dean groans. Castiel's fingers stroke with Dean's own on his leaking cock until he pulls his hand away and takes a step back.

He looks at Dean, whose hand is still in his own pants, like a predator. "Well?" He runs his thumb along his bottom lip.

"Babe," Dean pleads; while he can take care of himself, and has on occasion, he would much rather have Castiel do it.

"I could just leave you up here," he smirks.

Dean inhales sharply before he starts to stroke himself at Cas's instructions. Castiel watching him intently as he lights up a cigarette, Dean's fully hard cock peaking out of his pants as he keeps stroking himself. It's a bit awkward, but they way Cas is watching him keeps new waves of arousal coursing through him.

"Cas," Dean exhales raggedly, biting his lip in his efforts.

Somehow, Castiel seems to know that Dean's close and pads back towards the other man. They watch each other ardently, Cas kissing him deeply as he tightly grips his arm before sliding down to his knees. He moves the band of Dean's pants so his cock is fully exposed and licks the tip as Dean continues to quickly stroke himself. The additional sensation is all he needed and he cums on and in Cas's mouth, bits of white splattered on his full lips. Dean watching as his darkened blue eyes blink lazily up at him.

"That was torture," Dean gasps, pulling Cas roughly to his feet and licking into his mouth for a searing kiss. "Why, man?"

They head back towards the edge of the roof to hop down to the balcony.

"You made me miss the best part," Cas explains with a hint of mirth in his tone, slapping Dean on the ass and climbing back down to their apartment.

"Son of a bitch," Dean huffs under his breath as he maneuvers onto the balcony, "They're just fireworks." He calls after Cas, who's all ready back inside.

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><p>:)REVIEWS(: are full of sheer liquid wonderment!<p> 


	27. Just looking

AN: I'm trying to decide when Cas's birthday is... I know he's older then Dean in this story even though they are both 18, but that narrows it down to Aug through Dec... I'm leaning towards sag or scorpio (If you follow the horoscope thing) But if you have any suggestions regarding that let me know PLEASE!

METALICAR! Rawr...

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><p>A few weeks go by and they fall into a routine once again. Cas is still having issues with Chasta, but the other ladies seemed to be coming around. They work, go to church with mom every Sunday, Cas does his yoga and Dean started running again in the mornings.<p>

The once a week thing with Sam was going well too, Dean no longer felt like he was neglecting his brother and he was a part of Sam's life again. Gabe was still MIA, on the other hand. Dean decided he would probably have to take action on Cas's behalf. If he left it up to the other man, they'd probably end up seeing Gabe once a year. Which didn't sound too bad to Dean, but he knew it was important to Castiel; whether he admitted it or not.

Another great thing was that today was the day; the Impala was finally back to its pristine condition. Dean was itching for work to end so he could take his baby out on the road. Cas had no idea it was done, so Dean couldn't wait to go pick him up in a few hours.

The time felt like it ticked by at a snail's pace, though and as soon as the clock struck four Dean was off. Bobby and his Dad watching in anticipation as he started the Impala; he held his breathe as he turned the key in the ignition only exhaling when she roared to life. A huge smile broke across his face as he waved to the two older men outside the garage, heading for the open road.

Castiel was, as usual, waiting for him outside of the library smoking disinterestedly. Dean pulled up rolling down his window, grinning wildly.

"Hey Cas!" Dean calls out.

Cas looks up, flicking his cigarette butt as he looks at the sight before him. "You finished it," he states in awe.

"Don't sound too surprised," he jokes, "Now get your sexy ass in my baby because we're celebrating." Dean orders as Cas jogs around to the passenger side.

Cas slides his hand over the leather on the seat as he looks around the interior, "It's amazing Dean." He tells him solemnly.

"Hell ya she is," Dean smirks, stroking the dashboard. "I've missed you baby," he tells the car.

"Should I be jealous or just leave you too alone," Cas narrows his eyes at him.

"He just doesn't understand," he whispers to the Impala.

"How are we celebrating?"

"I was thinking a nice drive around town, food and a drive in movie."

"Very well," Cas settles in for the drive, pulling out a cigarette.

Dean grabs it from Castiel's chapped lips before he can light it and tosses it out the window. "Dude, cardinal rule; no smoking and no eating in the car."

"I miss the mustang," he rumbles looking out the window wistfully.

"It's just been a while since you where inside her," Dean informs him patiently.

"That sounds pornographic, Dean," Cas deadpans.

Dean just gives him a look turning a corner, cautiously as they cruise around.

"Any way, how was work?"

Castiel sighs weightily, "The bitch has given up on her slandering crusade."

"That sounds like good news," Dean glances over at him, "What's the catch?"

"Her tactic has switched to seduction."

"What?"

"You would be surprised how many times I've gotten an eye full of cleavage."

Dean frowns, his mind racking up ways to possibly kill her and get away with it.

"It is not even that impressive," Cas says matter of factually.

"She's like a dog in heat, what the fuck." Dean can't help the ire from coming out.

"She is a bitch."

Dean chuckles a bit, "True that, Cas," he nods is good humor returning almost as quickly as it left.

"And a whore," Cas adds, helping to keep the humor going. "Can we get food now, if we go early enough you can get a parking spot by the window of restaurant."

"Sounds like a plan," he laughs, Cas knew his motives all too well.

They end up going to the old drive up, Dean parking in the walk up area so they could eat at the picnic tables. Cas buys, they each get a burger and fries; deciding to share a chocolate banana milkshake. After they eat, Castiel somehow convinces Dean to let him bring the milkshake with when they leave. The only reason he concedes is because it has a lid and he knows Cas won't drop it.

Dean takes them to the movie, it's some old black and white Hitchcock double feature. He knows Cas will like it, but he really just wanted to relish in his new old car. The drive in is fairly empty, which isn't too surprising since it's a Thursday and school starts any day now. He parks them in a decent spot that's centered for a good view, yet far enough away from the other cars.

He kills the engine, setting up the speaker so they can hear the film. Cas handing him the rest of the milkshake that he finishes before placing it on the ground outside of the car. The movie starts, Castiel shifting to lean against Dean as he puts his arm around Cas's shoulders.

Half way through the first movie, Dean feels Cas shifting against him and a hand on his thigh. He looks down to see Castiel still pretending to watch the movie. Castiel's hand slowly ascending up Deans thigh, stopping just short of his crotch as he stokes back and forth. Dean shifts slightly as his pants start to feel a little uncomfortable.

It continues for a beat before the two men turn at the same time bringing their lips together in sensuous kiss, Dean snaking his hand over to stroke Cas through his dress pants. It starts off tentative, but deepens as Cas's hand begins to skillfully stroke his package through the denim. Dean's hand knots into the hair at the back of Cas's head as their tongues spar dominantly. Cas sliding his hand under Dean's shirt before returning to his growing erection.

He pulls the zipper on Castiel's slacks down, maneuvering his hand inside rubbing his heated flesh. Castiel groaning quietly as he squeezes between Dean's legs, causing him to tense slightly and moan into the kiss.

Dean nips at Cas's full lip, pulling away from the kiss and pressing their foreheads together. "Back seat?" he asks breathlessly.

Cas's lust blown pupils borrowing into him as he nods in acquiescence. They kiss again chastely before sliding apart in order to head to the back seat. Dean looking around to make sure no one suspects anything. As soon as the back doors close behind them, they're pressed together. Their mouths working in time, Cas drawing away to kiss down Dean's neck. He nips at the pulse point below Dean's flesh as he marks him. They're breathing growing in harshness as Dean returns his hand to Castiel's fly, undoing the button for better access.

He strokes the dark haired man to full hardness as Cas slides his hands under Dean's shirt to pull it off. Castiel's warm mouth resuming it's assault on Dean's bare chest before flicking his tongue over Dean's nipples. Dean sucking in a harsh breath, Cas's and still stroking him through his uncomfortable pants. He can feel Cas's lips brushing his ear, causing him to shiver.

"Is sex aloud?" Cas whispers softly, his tone impossibly low.

Dean cannot form coherent sentences with Cas's hand on his dick, so he just nods dumbly. He pushes Castiel back pulling open his button down shirt to expose his flesh. Dean kisses up Cas's pale olive skin, sucking on the indent of his teeth that resides on Cas's clavicle. Cas arching up as he pulls Dean's hair.

"Pants off now," Castiel orders pushing Dean back and regaining control.

Cas pulls out his cock, stroking it as his pants hang off his hips; Dean scrabbling to obey the order. He pulls his jeans and underwear down, only pulling out one leg just in case. Cas strokes Dean's erection in time with his own before grabbing Dean's thighs and pulling him closer roughly. Dean's back flat on seat with his legs bent in Cas's hands. Castiel leaning between his legs kissing Dean as they're dicks rub against each other.

"Cas," Dean keels.

Cas nods spitting in his hand to slick his cock, he slides his hand past Dean's balls to prep him.

"Just fucking do it," Dean grits out impatiently.

Cas smirks darkly, splaying his hand on Dean's stomach as he lines up and pushes in roughly. Dean bites his lip as he remembers just where it is they are, Cas pausing briefly before he starts to move. Thrusting frantically, bent over Dean as they kiss. The break apart as Cas keeps moving pounding into Dean forcefully, their faces still inches apart as their groans fill the car.

Dean feels the familiar tensing within Castiel and he knows he's close. He pushes him back, sliding off of Cas.

"Dean," Cas pants, his skin flushed and his tone wrecked.

"I got you," Dean assures him as he bends to take Castiel's cock in his mouth.

He swirls the head and hallows his cheeks as Cas cums forcefully thrusting up into Dean's mouth. Dean swallowing him down, because while sex might be aloud there will be no staining the interior. Castiel kisses him roughly directing him back into the seat in order to finish Dean off.

Cas strokes him a couple times, swiping his broad tongue up and down the length of Dean's erection. Dean holds on to the back of Cas's head as the tension in him starts to peak, his hand guiding Cas up and down.

"Babe," Dean pants, is voice cracking as his grip on Cas tightens.

Castiel barely gets Dean into his mouth when he's cuming with a shutter.

"Fuck'n Ahhh," he groans.

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	28. So

AN: This is all I can get up for today! MORE TOMORROW!

ENJOY!

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><p>They redo their clothes, making themselves as presentable as two people who just had sex in the backseat of car can be.<p>

"The only downside," Dean states as he redoes his pants, "Is that it's a little cramped."

"Try doing that in a two door," Cas deadpans as he slides out of the back seat in order to smoke.

Dean making sure he didn't forget anything and follows, resting his fore arms on the roof after closing the door. "Seriously, how much sex have you had?" It's more of a rhetorical question, but he should know better than to ask them around Castiel.

"You'd be surprised what people do when they owe money," he shrugs, turning his attention back to the movie as Dean just stares at him.

His brain whirling as he breaks down what Cas just said, which he figured made sense. If the people he was selling too couldn't pay they probably offered him something in return for their next hit. Dean remembered the 'arrangement' that Balthazar had with Castiel, and it made his skin crawl. He quickly shook the thoughts from his head, not wanting to dwell on the past.

Cas was with him now and that was all that mattered. They end up leaving the drive-in as soon as Cas finishes his cigarette, it wasn't like they were watching it any way. The next morning Dean sleeps in an hour or two more than usual before deciding to head out for a jog. He leaves Cas sleeping, curled around himself and heads out into the early morning light.

While on his run he decides to get a hold of Gabe and makes the call when he rests at the park.

"What the hell," Gabriel mumbles on the other line, "There better be good reason you're call at the butt crack of dawn!"

"Hey Gabe," Dean greets cheerfully, "How's it going you obnoxious little imp!"

"Winchester?" he breathes, "What the fuck I'm trying to get my beauty sleep."

"Good luck with that," he mocks, "Any way, I'm calling for Cas."

"Why? What's he want?"

"He wants his only family to come and see his new apartment, like you do when you care about people." Dean grits out.

"I've been working," Gabe snaps defensively.

"I don't give a rats ass," he informs him, "If it was me I wouldn't mind only seeing you once in a blue moon, but Cas, for some reason, misses you're stupid face."

"Stupid face," Gabe starts chuckling, "You've been spending too much time with Cas, you're getting soft."

"Shut up Bozo!"

"Or what you're going to throw a cream pie in my face?" Gabriel eggs him on, "I thought that was my bro's job."

Dean wishes he could just punch the little man through the phone, but then remembers why he's doing this. "Are you free Sunday night? Yes or no?" He snaps, all patience gone. "You can come over for desert; I know how much little tikes like their candy."

"All right, I'll come, Bitchester. Just don't fucking call this early, my head's all ready pounding." He whines.

"Good, I know you have the address so…" Dean hangs up, putting his phone back in his pocket. He stretches quickly before jogging back to the apartment.

Needless to say, he was quite pleased with himself. While he would have rather had a root canal then talk to Gabriel, but it went better than expected. Now he just had to tell Cas and go from there, he was hanging with Sammy later which was always a good time. It was the last one before school started and while they were going to continue the weekly thing, it was only going to be Thursday's. That way, Sam could make plans with friends and go on dates. The latter of the two Dean stressed extensively, it was a very important rite of passage.

Dean got back, not surprise to find Castiel still unconscious on the mattress. He stripped down and headed to the shower to clean up. When he got out he was surprised to see Cas up. He was doing his stretches, Dean watching as the tattooed wings on his back moved and flexed along with him.

"You have a good run?" Cas mumbles around the cigarette perched in his mouth.

"Ya," Dean nods. "Oh and Gabe is going to stop by on Sunday." He turns to the dresser to pick out some clothes.

"Gabriel, my brother?" Cas iterates, blinking owlishly at Dean from under his bent arm.

"Is there any other?"

"Probably."

"It's your brother," Dean sighs.

"Did you see him?" Cas asks as he stands back up.

"Not really," He hedges.

"You called him." He accuses Dean, starring at him.

"Um," Dean replies, "Yeah."

"Oh." Cas sighs nodding.

"Is that ok?" He looks at the dark haired man.

"Yes," he replies dejectedly.

"He should be the one calling, but he's a selfish ass." Dean informs him. "So I figured I'd give him a push."

"Sunday?" Cas questions.

"Ya, for desert," he nods, "We'll probably have to run to the store and stock up."

"Very well," he states, turning. "We'll go after my shower."

"Ok," Dean agrees, even though he wasn't expecting them to do it right away. He figured that Cas was just pleased that he was going to see Gabe, or at least he hoped that's what it was.

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	29. For the best

AN: THANKS for the feedback guys! -heart-

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><p>After Cas is dressed they head off to the grocery store, they needed to stock up on regular food anyway besides the desert items. They mosey through the bakery section perusing the various sweets, Cas looking very disinterested.<p>

"What should we get?" Cas asks eyeing a container of brightly colored cupcakes.

"I dunno, I'd vote for pie." Dean looks at one, "But I doubt that's sweet enough for your brother."

"Hmm," he hums thoughtfully returning the cupcakes to the shelf. "Maybe we should just get ice cream and sundae toppings."

"That'll work."

They make their way through the various isles getting the things they really need before heading down the sweets isle.

"Let's get a bag of m&m mini's," Cas instructs Dean.

"And snow caps," he adds grabbing the packs from the shelf.

"I prefer raisinettes."

Dean grabs a box, "Seriously, these are like one step away from being health."

"I like them," Cas reiterates taking the boxes from Dean and dropping them in the cart.

They grab a couple different syrups and whipped cream as they head to the freezer section.

"What kind of ice cream does Gabe like?" Dean studies the flavors through the glass.

"The one with the most things in it," He sighs, grabbing a tub of mint chocolate and one of neopolatin flavor.

"So, moose tracks then?"

Cas investigates the front of the container before nodding, "That should suffice."

They head to the check out with the majority of their cart weighted down with sundae fixings; which earns them an amused look from the check out girl. Cas glares at her throughout the entire transaction, Dean finding it humorous.

"What was so amusing about what we purchased?" Cas grumbles as they head to the car.

"It's kind of a lot of ice cream stuff for two dudes." Dean offers.

"She doesn't know our business."

"It's really not a big deal, Cas."

"I know, but she was bothersome." He states flatly as he runs the cart to the corral.

The weekend goes by fairly quickly and before they know it's Sunday. Dean hits snooze on the alarm a few times, deciding he'll run later. The bed was too comfortable and Cas practically on top of him, which he knew would be a bitch to try to get out of. They sleep as long as they can before they have to get up, which is always easier said than done.

"Time for church," Dean calls softly, as he gently shakes Cas awake.

"I'm awake," He murmurs burrowing deeper into the blankets.

"Come on, babe," he shakes him again, "Mom's going to be hear any second."

"Lies."

"Not if you don't get up and get dressed," Dean informs him.

"You get dressed," He rumbles petulantly.

"I'm trying to, but you way a ton."

"Fuck you," Cas squints up at him before he rolls away to get up.

Dean smirks sitting up, the pair of them moving to get dressed. Cas going through the motions slowly, his eyes still closed as he steps into his trousers. They finish in the nick of time, jogging down the stairs to Mary's awaiting vehicle.

Church is, as always, uneventful; at least in Dean's mind. He'd love to not have to go, but the looks his mom gives him might just be worth it. Just because he doesn't believe doesn't mean he can't cover his bases, right. After the service, they meet Sammy and John at the dinner for breakfast.

Dean's a little worried about Cas, he continues the conversation at hand. His parents asking him questions about trivial things and Sam talks excitedly about school; Dean glances over at Cas. He seems paler than usual, and is just picking distractedly at his food. He places his hand on Castiel's thigh, giving him a reassuring squeeze. Castiel just looks up at him, his expression unreadable.

"You ok?" He whispers, while his mom chats with Sam and John went to pay the bill.

"I am fine, Dean." He states blankly.

Dean studies him for a second, deciding this isn't the place to press it further. They head out of the restaurant, thanking his parents for breakfast. Mary takes them back to the apartment, chatting more about how lovely the church service was and Cas commenting on it as well.

They get back, Cas heading straight to the bedroom. Dean watches him for a beat before heading after him. He pauses in the doorway, watching Cas strip off his church clothes and stepping into his usual sweatpants and grabbing one of his white 'wife beater' undershirts.

"You excited about Gabe coming?" Dean asks sarcastically.

"Something like that," Cas replies, slipping his shirt over his head, grabbing a cigarette and pushing past Dean out of the room.

He turns, watching as Cas heads to the bathroom and he hears the familiar rattle of the pill bottle. Dean sighs, heading to the kitchen and out onto the balcony for fresh air. For every two steps forward they were taking together, Dean couldn't help but feel that Cas kept taking one back. He didn't know what to do, except hope it'd stop.

They keep at distance from one another for the rest of the day. Dean hanging out on the porch, which they thankfully got chairs for finally, just enjoying the nice weather. He wasn't sure if Cas was actually avoiding him or just taking a nap, but he was content to keep away for now.

Dean apparently ended up passing out for awhile, until the sliding door opened and Cas stepped out.

"Dean?" He tentatively placed his hand on Dean's shoulder.

Dean cleared his throat as he became fully awake, "Uh, ya Cas?"

"What are you doing out here?" He sits in the chair opposite him.

"Just enjoying the weather."

"I see," Cas nods looking out off the balcony wistfully, "Gabe is going to be late."

"How late?" Dean asks.

"He said he'd be here by ten," he replies solemnly.

"That tiny bastard," he huffs, Cas looking at him in warning.

He sighs tiredly looking back out at the view, "He's very busy, Dean."

"Bull shit."

"Dean," he chides softly.

"No, Cas." Dean stops him, "All I know is that if he doesn't get his ass here tonight, he'll hell to pay."

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	30. Way out

AN: Gabe, while funny, is kind of a douche...

ENJOY!

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><p>With the extra free time after they eat dinner, Dean gets a brilliant idea. He fishes through the junk drawer procuring a bag of grenade colored water balloons.<p>

"Dean?" Cas asks watching him idly.

"I have an awesome idea, to get Gabe back." He informs him triumphantly.

"How?" He eyes Dean warily.

"With this," he holds up the package with a smirk as Cas tilts his head questioningly. Dean sighing as he tosses the pack to the other man.

Cas observes the package from his spot at the kitchen table as Dean grows impatient, drumming his fingers on the counter.

"So?" He asks.

Cas smiles mischievously and that's more than enough of an answer for Dean. They start filling up the balloons and placing them in the little cooler so they can bring them out on to the patio. Once they are done it's almost nine, they hall the cooler to the patio and grab a couple cans of soda to sit in wait.

Luckily Gabriel actually decided to show his face, they try their best to keep quiet as he approaches the walkway below. When he's within shot they start the barrage of water balloons, trying to keep the laughter down as they nail Gabe and the walk way around him. Gabriel running for the door and swearing into the night, since they had the darkness as their advantage.

A few minutes later, there's an impatient knock at the door as they close the cooler and head back into the apartment. Cas answering the door to reveal a thoroughly damp and pissed Gabriel.

"What the hell kind of place is this?" Gabe grumbles, pushing past Cas into the room.

"Hello Gabriel," Cas states closing the door behind him.

"Hey bro."

"What happened to you?" Dean asks innocently as he laughs at the little man.

"I got dive bombed by freaking water balloons, you have any punk kids in this building?" He asks, eyeing Dean as he hands him a six pack of beer, not caring that they are underage.

"Besides you?" Dean chuckles popping the lid off the beer bottle and taking a swig.

"You know," Gabe narrows his eyes, "This has Winchester written all over it."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Dean looks away, "Cas why don't you give your bro here the tour?" He smirks clapping his hand on Gabe's wet shoulder.

"Very well," Cas deadpans leading Gabe through the place quickly.

"Where's this dessert I was promised?" Gabriel asks as he steps back into the kitchen.

"Jeez, one track mind, much." Dean gripes pulling out all the ice cream shit.

"We're having sundaes," Cas states blandly.

"Awesome, my favorite! Thanks, Cassy." He smirks before elbowing in with Dean, to dish out the ice cream.

Castiel sits quietly at the kitchen table watching as Dean and Gabe bicker over the ice cream toppings. They make a mess, but whatever. Dean saunters to the table bringing Cas mint chocolate chip with chocolate syrup, whipped cream and rasinettes. Cas's lips twitch slightly at the somewhat odd combo Dean concocted for him.

"Thank you, Dean." He states as he dips his finger in the whipped cream, licking it off.

"It's good to see you have him whipped, Cassy." Gabe calls over his shoulder.

Dean throws up his middle finger to Gabe's back and then starts to eat his snowcap covered strawberry ice cream that he scooped from the Neapolitan, because it's the only flavor Cas doesn't like in it. Gabe joins them a moment later with the towering monstrosity of ice cream, syrup, whipped cream and all the different types of candy they had bought.

"That is appalling," Cas deadpans.

"You're supplying the habit, Cassy." Gabe smirks as he sits down to eat it.

Dean tenses at the phrase, which he knew was silly, but he didn't want to hear about Cas supplying anything; unless it was books at the library.

"I saw you finished the death trap." Gabe looks at Dean.

"The Impala is not a death trap," He glares at him, "And ya she's even better than before."

"Mhm," he hums skeptically as Dean grumbles into his bowl. "So… how's things?" Gabe hedges, as he stuff's his face with ice cream.

"They are well," Cas replies.

"Look at you all grown up, bro," he sighs, "And with a wife too!" Gabriel jests, smirking and taking another bite. "So the library, huh… Isn't that like super boring?"

"I enjoy it," Cas replies solemnly, pushing his spoon around his melted dessert.

"I'd have blown my brains out by now," he mimes a fake gun at his temple, "Besides aren't all those cat ladies bitches?"

"They totally are," Dean replies nodding. "He even called one lady a bitch to her face."

Gabe laughs, "How do you stand it Cassy? The must and the," he fake shivers, "the old people!" His face twists up in disgust.

"I do not expect you to understand, Gabriel," Cas looks up at him.

"Probably doesn't pay as well," he states licking some syrup off his thumb.

Castiel rises from his seat, "Excuse me," he states gravely, he heads off to the bedroom.

The door slams, and Gabriel looks over at Dean, "What's that about?"

"Do you think this has been a cake walk for him?" Dean rounds on the smaller man.

"I feel like a deaf person without sign language here!" He blinks at him.

"Seriously?" He sighs when all he gets a confused look, "He's gone legit, Gabe." He stands leaning his hands on the table, to tower over him. "It takes some getting used to, and any normal brother would be fucking stoked that he was doing so well." Dean spits out, "You're all the blood family he's got, but you're too much of a selfish prick to come by and visit."

"Hey now," Gabe starts.

"I don't want to hear it; I had to practically fucking bribe you to come here tonight and you where late. I think you are the one here who needs to grow the fuck up and get you head out of your ass….I'm not talking about being a saint, but even just a phone call to at least pretend like you care."

Gabriel's face is drawn, his mouth a thin line as the words soak in and he remains silence.

"You better shape up, dude. Cas won't keep forgiving you forever." He leaves the table to head to the bedroom. "And the water balloons… where us," he states as he strides away.

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	31. What you can't save

AN: This site is being weird on me... but ANYWAY...I decided Cas's b-day is like Nov 30 aka sagitarious (since their lucky day is thursday!) I am lame... Anyway, I have no clue how many chapters this will end up being because a year is a long time and I have sooo many plans for the year... MOWHAHAHAHAHAHA..cough... thank you!

Happy reading...

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><p>Dean steps into the dark bedroom, pausing a moment as his eyes adjust to the light. He sees Cas lying on the side Dean usually sleeps on, he's curled up clutching a pillow to his chest and staring straight ahead. He's not really sure what to do at the moment, this type a thing is definitely not his forte; no matter how natural it might seem.<p>

"Cas?" He calls softly, sitting on the bed by the other man's feet.

He doesn't move or blink and the silence hangs over them for what seems like ages, "Why is the right path often the hardest?" Cas drones to the air.

Dean places his hand on Castiel's leg as he contemplates an answer, "Life's a bitch," he shrugs, "it isn't supposed to be easy." He offers, "Everyone has their own shit to deal with."

"Some more than others," Cas dejectedly whispers.

"I know it's been hard, Cas," he shuffles his feet awkwardly on the floor, "But I'm proud of you." Dean glances over at the unmoving man beside him, "All the shit you've been through, most people would not have stuck around." He blinks at the weight of his own words. "You're a fighter, man, whether you know it or not."

"I'm getting tired of fighting," he mumbles so softly that Dean doesn't quite hear him.

"Gabe will come around," Dean hopes at least or else he'll beat the guy like piñata, which was quite fitting because he wouldn't be surprised if candy did come out of him.

Cas keeps just staring into space when there's a soft knock on the door; Dean's surprised because he figured Gabriel would have just up and left. He strides around the bed to open the door, peering down on short man on the other side.

"Can I speak with my brother, oh great and powerful OZ." Gabe tries to joke, but his face betrays him.

Dean just nods stepping aside to allow him access to the bedroom; as soon as Gabe is in, he steps out and closes the door after himself. He hopes that this gets resolved right away, as he heads to sit down on the sofa. Dean flicks on some random show, Cas can't afford to lose anymore family. Sure Dean's family has accepted Cas in like he's one of their own, but blood is important too.

It's well after midnight when Gabriel reemerges from the room, his face is a little puffy, but Dean knows better than to press it.

"You heading out?" Dean asks tersely and somewhat groggily.

"Ya," Gabe nods as Dean stands to show him out.

They pause awkwardly at the door, Gabriel studding the linoleum intently as Dean leans against the open door.

"I know we've had our differences or whatever," he hedges, "but uh," Gabe sniffs, "Thanks, Dean." He claps him on the arm and heads off.

Dean watches him go for a beat; he's a bit bewildered about the whole thing. He closes the door and replays Gabriel's words in his head as he locks it. It seems like a good sign, he figures tiredly as he headed back to the bedroom. If it did get resolved then maybe Cas would be back to normal, or close to it.

He shuts everything off before slipping back into the room; Cas's back still facing the door as if he hadn't moved. Dean strips down to just his shirt and boxers, gingerly slipping under the covers; it's a little weird being on the other side of the bed, but he can sleep anywhere. He lies on his back starring up at the ceiling, he was tired, but sleep wasn't coming for some reason.

After a while the figure next to him shifts silently, and Cas burrows his face into Dean's threadbare shirt. Dean can't be sure, but he thinks Castiel may have been crying. Something, he didn't think he'd ever see from the stoic man. He put his arm around Cas's shaking shoulders and just held onto him, there was no need for words. Dean knew that they'd both drift off soon enough and Cas would be back and tell him what transpired between him and Gabe. For now however, this was all that was needed.

The next morning Dean wakes up to find himself embraced in Cas's arms like a life sized teddy bear. It's funny how much people move in their sleep, Cas's head rested on Dean's and even though he couldn't see his wise blue eyes he could sense Cas was awake. Dean shifts slightly in Castiel's arms, looking up at the frowning man.

"Hello Dean," Cas greets him solemnly.

"'Morning babe," he replies gently, he sits up a bit so his body is pressed flush to Cas's side.

"Thank you," he rumbles quietly, Dean offering up a soft smile.

"Ya," Dean nods, "Is everything worked out?"

"I believe so," he blinks. "Gabriel is just dealing with the fact that I'm no longer his responsibility."

"Oh," he whispers, resting his head on Cas's chest.

"We both were forced to grow up too fast," Cas sighs and falls silent for awhile, "I wonder what we'd be like if that wasn't the case."

"I dunno, Cas," Dean starts, "The whole apple-pie life thing, seems really out of place on you." He smirks.

"Perhaps," he states idly, starring at the ceiling.

"Don't dwell on it, babe." He instructs him as he presses his lips to Cas's flesh.

"It's difficult, sometimes."

Dean maneuvers himself up so he's looking down at Cas, he brushes his hand through his messy dark locks. "You need to focus on the present," He kisses him slowly, "You have an awesome," he brushes their lips together again, "sexy," Dean presses his lips to Cas's nose, "willing," he kisses his forehead, "boyfriend who lets you have your way with him." Dean smirks gently as he brushes his fingers against Castiel's cheek, their eyes locked.

Castiel smiles a small sad smile as he looks up at Dean, "I love you too," he murmurs as their lips touch again.

Dean smiles broadly as they pull apart, "So that sticky brother of yours going to make an effort now?"

"He's going to call whenever he can," Cas nods. "It's his busy season, so I'll see him when I can."

"It's a start," he slides his hand down to Cas's arm, stroking it gently. "What do you want to do today?" Dean asks lowly.

Cas blinks at him contemplatively, "Stay in bed."

* * *

><p>:)REVIEWS(: = liquid gold!<p> 


	32. For Your Sake

...Yep!

* * *

><p>School finally starts and the time is passing at an alarming rate. Gabe was sticking to his word and calling at least once a week, they'd see him about once a month as well unless business interfered. Dean wasn't really sure what they talked about, the phone calls Cas got from his brother all seemed kind of short; but he figured they were probably just making sure they were both still alive. In the scheme of things that was definitely better than nothing.<p>

The seasons where starting to change, the heat of the summer burning out into a brisk fall. October practically upon them, the two boys where spending the day at the laundry mat. They had been seriously neglecting the laundry and at the rate it was going they'd be lucky to finish by night fall. Cas was perched upon one of the washers, his sharp eyes scanning the text of an old volume; Dean standing next to him, folding some laundry.

"So, I got an interesting thing in the mail," Dean chatted casually as he uses his chin to fold the tee shirt.

"Oh?" Cas breathes, not bothering to look up from his book.

"It was an invitation," he leads, "Seems like Jo's going to be having that party."

"Hmm," he turns the page, clearly not paying attention.

"Yep, it's going to be a huge pagan orgy," Dean states, realizing that Cas hadn't been paying attention. "Maybe even some goats." He adds, cheekily winking at the elderly lady who's staring at him in shock.

"Sounds messy," Cas deadpans as he turns another page.

"We're going." He informs him, turning to switch the loads.

Castiel finally looks up from his book blinking slowly. "Dean."

"So you where listening," Dean smirks back at him, thumbing a couple quarters into the machine.

"I suppose it is a costume party." Cas eyes him warily.

"Relax, I got it all picked out." He pats Cas's knee.

"I'd rather it be an orgy." He grumbles flatly.

"I could arrange that," Dean jokes, standing between Cas's legs with his hands on the other mans knees.

Castiel looks up, Dean leaning down to put their lips together; causing another surprised stare from the old lady.

Dean smirking mischievously when he pulls away and whispers in Cas's ear as he watches the women, "Should we invite the old lady?"

"You need more than three people for a proper orgy," Castiel replies blandly.

"Ya," He agrees, "Plus the laundry mat is kind of porno."

The lady huffs in surprise clearly having enough, "Well I've never!" She cries as she gathers up her delicates and leaves in a tizzy.

Dean and Cas share a look, chuckling idly as they find themselves alone in the shop. Castiel kissing him again, before pushing Dean away so he can get back to the laundry. He picks up his book, reopening it to its marked spot.

"What is your brilliant idea for this party?" Cas asks sarcastically, his nose in his book again.

"You'll love it!" Dean smiles at him.

"I doubt it."

"Whatever," he shakes his head folding a pair of jeans, "I'm going to be batman and you're going to be scarecrow."

"Why would I be a man made of straw that's unintelligent?" Cas questions, idly.

"Not the fugly thing people put in fields dude," Dean sighs, "he's one of batman's enemies."

Cas just looks at him blankly, obviously not catching on.

"Dude, we're so watching the movie later." He informs him, as he throws the clean clothes in there basket. "It'll be perfect, he's got dark hair," he ruffles Cas's hair, "and blue eyes. He's pretty bad ass."

"We'll see," Cas sighs returning to his book.

"And sweater vests," He calls folding one of Castiel's.

"That explains so many things," he deadpans as he reads.

"Ya, Ya," Dean gripes tossing a shirt at the dark haired man. "Are you going to help or just read the whole time?"

"I have faith in your laundry skills, Dean." Cas tells him blandly.

Dean snatches the book from Cas, opening one of the washers in use and dangling the book over it.

Castiel narrows his eyes, watching Dean intently, "That is a library book, Dean," he warns him.

"Is it?" Dean looks at the spine seeing the numbers on it, "So it is." He shrugs placing it near the edge. "Start folding, sweet cheeks!" He orders Cas impishly.

He hops off of the machine, "Give me the book first," Cas holds out his hand as he glares dangerously.

Dean smirks, slapping the volume into his out stretched hand as the dryer buzzes. He turns his back on Cas, chuckling to himself as Cas swats him on the back of the head with the book.

"Oww!" Dean turns looking at him crossly.

Cas smiling to himself as he places the book on the top of the machine and starts folding things. They fold together in silence; Dean can tell Cas is hating every minute of it, not like he's enjoying it either.

"Where is this maid I was promised?" Castiel glances at Dean as he starts another pile of clothes.

"Are you kidding me," Dean shakes his head, "Mind like a steel trap… Besides what do you think I am?" He bemoans, "You'd forget to eat without me."

"That's more like a sexy nanny," Cas corrects, "You promised me a 'naked' maid." He reminds him.

"Did I?" Dean challenges, thinking for a moment; he shrugs off his shirt throwing it at Castiel and pushes him out of the way to fold the laundry, "Nanny my ass."

Cas smirks knowing he totally just won that one. He watches Dean briefly before he slides back to his previous spot on the washer to take up his book.

Later that night, they watch Batman Returns with Dean's intermediate commentary. By the end of it, he had 'thoroughly' convinced Castiel that his idea was brilliant.

* * *

><p>:)review(:<p> 


	33. Can't save

Two days before the party is scheduled, Dean gets a frantic phone call from Jo while he's at work.

"Dean, I have a huge favor to ask you!" Jo greets.

"Um, ok… shoot." He juggles the phone on his shoulder while he works under the hood of an old Camry.

"Mom put the cabash on the party; can we have it at your place?"

"Jo," Dean sighs.

"Dean come on, please, please do this!" Jo begs him. "You owe me! I haven't seen you in forever because that sexy man of yours is keeping you locked up in an ivory tower, so please!"

"First off that's a lie," he informs her sternly, "And secondly I will have to run it by Cas."

"Ugh, really?" She whines, "Can you like hard core sex him up first, because this party is going to be epic! And you're the only one with their own place," She adds. "I have all the stuff we just need the place."

"I make no promises," Dean wipes his hands on the grease cloth.

"He works at the library right?" Jo asks feigning innocence.

"I'll handle it, Jo." He warns her.

"You better, I'm not above cornering him at work."

"You're not above anything," Dean mocks, shaking his head.

"Whatever, let me know ASAP Winchester!" She orders hanging up.

"Yes, ma'am," he fake salutes his phone.

That night when he picks up Cas he tries to figure out how to go about asking him, he'd been better since things got patched up with Gabe. However there was still something not quite right.

"Hello Dean," Cas greets as he ambles into the car.

"Hey Babe," Dean smiles, he see's Chasta coming out of the building and his jealous boyfriend streak kicks, so he grabs Castiel into a searing kiss.

"What was that for?"

"Just happy to see you, do I really need a reason."

"I suppose not," Cas agrees looking out the window to see Chasta, a knowing smirk spreading across his face.

"Jo called today," Dean informs him, nonchalantly.

"Was it to cancel?" He asks idly.

"Not really, apparently her mom told her no… so she had to move it elsewhere."

"Where?" Cas looks at him suspiciously.

"She asked if we could have it at our place," Dean rambles, "I told her I had to run it by you… she has all the stuff, though."

Cas sighs heavily contemplating, "No one is allowed in the bedroom and she better have lots of booze." He orders.

"That's a yes, then?" he asks in surprise.

"We also reserve the right to kick people out." Cas adds.

"I think that's do-able."

Dean calls Jo as soon as they get back home, she nearly deafens him with her screams of excitement. He's not sure about who's all going to be coming, but Jo would be there early to greet people when they arrived and agreed to Cas's demands. She even said she'd get Castiel his own bottle of Jack, which made him very happy.

"I can't believe you agreed," Dean says as he sits down at the table with Cas.

Cas shrugs, taking a bite of cereal as he flips through a magazine. "Parties are usually enjoyable," he states without inflection.

"Don't sound too excited your head might explode," He chuckles as Cas just looks up at him.

The night of the party rolls around, Dean thought about inviting Sam, but ultimately thought better of it. Cas however did text Gabe the night before and he may be dropping by. Dean made sure everything that was damageable was put away and straightened things while Castiel was at work. Cas burst through the door at a quarter to 5, in a foul mood.

"Is it too late to tell Jo no?" Cas questions as he plops onto the couch next to Dean.

"Ya, I'd say a day is the proper cancelation period." Dean drapes his arm over Cas's shoulders. "Why?"

"I have reason to believe Chasta my crash tonight."

"What?"

Cas sighs, "I was talking to Esther about the party and she may have over heard."

"Well she's not getting in, I can tell you that much." Dean informs him irately.

"She has her ways."

"So do I."

"Hmm," Cas hums turning his face into the crook of Dean's neck and placing a kiss there. "Do I have time to sleep before SHE arrives?" He asks, referring to Jo.

"Ya go for it," Dean tells him, "Jo won't be here till like 7 or so."

Cas nods curling up onto the couch as he positions himself against Dean, his eyelids falling closed. Dean nods off as well, his arm still firmly around the smaller as they breathe rhythmically. The pair sleep for a an hour or two, Cas waking up first and realizing they had to get ready.

"Dean," Cas shakes him roughly, "Get your ass up," he prods.

Dean jerks awake from the harsh treatment, "What the hell?" he grumbles.

"We have to get ready, Jo will be here soon."

"Ah, ok," he nods stretching.

Castiel heads off to shower as Dean throws on his outfit. He decided on the low cost and effort version of his costume, wearing his batman emblem shirt under a dress shirt that was partially unbuttoned with a suite. He's slipping on his pants as Cas strides back into the room, he puts on his normal work clothes consisting of dress pants and shirt and one of his sweater vests.

Dean looks them both over, he puts the burlap sack the butchered into Cas's pocket and hands him a pair of fake glasses he got.

"We look ridiculous, Dean." Cas deadpans, eyeing his reflections.

"If by that you mean awesome, then I totally agree." He smirks, as Cas just glares icily at him. "Good job, getting into character," Dean jests.

"I need to be drunk."

"That's the spirit," Dean pats him on the back as the doorbell rings. "Speak of the devil," he leaves to go let Jo in, pausing in the doorway, "I think you look hot by the way," he adds leaving Castiel studying his reflection.

* * *

><p>Will Chasta crash the party? Who's all going to be there? Will Gabe show up and cause trixy mischief? How drunk will they all get? STAY TUNED! and<p>

:)REVIEW(:


	34. The face of

AN: SUPER LONGER CHAPTER FOR EVERYONE! (happy father's day... lol)

Really I just wanted the whole party part to be in one chapter so, Ta-da!

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><p>Dean and Castiel help Jo set up the decorations, she somehow managed to carry a large heavy box up the stairs. It contained all the booze, black and orange streamers with a pack of balloons, a smoke machine and a ton of electric candles. By the time they were done the place looked sufficiently eerie, a thin fog covering the floor and the lights all dimmed with the fake candles. They moved the couch against one of the walls to create more floor space, one of those scary noises tapes playing in the kitchen while the TV played dance music.<p>

"This is perfect," Jo smiled her hands on her hips as she took in the room.

"Ya," Dean nods in agreement, "Super creepy."

"Thanks again, guys!" She hugs Castiel, who just stands there awkwardly.

"Remember," Cas adds, "Unless they cannot make it home safely, you are the only one with permission to pass out here." He looks at her sternly.

"I know I know," She waves grabbing her bag, "I'm going to go throw my costume on," She heads for the bathroom.

"How about a drink?" Dean offers, nudging Cas with his elbow.

"Yes!" Cas nods, eagerly.

Dean hands Castiel the bottle of Jack that Jo got just for him, while he grabs one of the beers from the fridge. Cas opens it, Dean watching in amusement as he drinks straight from the large bottle.

"You better not puke tonight," Dean warns him.

"I'll probably just pass out," Cas shrugs, stepping into Dean's personal space, "Or get very horny." He look up at Dean, their hips brushing.

"Don't write checks you're body can't cash," he quote's darkly.

"I do not understand that reference," he dead pans, tilting his head up to brush their lips together.

"Aww!" Jo interrupts, causing the two men to break apart, "Barf," she adds. "So what do you think of my costume?" She twirls showing off what looked like a 'sexy' pirate costume.

"A pirate?" Dean asks skeptically.

"Ya, it's sweet right?" She gloats, "I'm just gunna run around drinking rum and being slutty," Jo smirks.

"How is that different from usual?" Cas asks.

Dean claps a hand over his face, "He hasn't had dinner," he explains humorously.

"Whatever," she rolls her eyes, "Someone's just jealous, because this corset makes my boobs look huge!" She emphases by grabbing them.

Dean face falls in slight disgust, because Jo's like a sister to him. "So, not appropriate."

"You know you miss them," She winks striding from the room to check on the music.

"We could have a three sometime," Cas informs him blankly.

Dean contemplating the idea, "Could be fun…" he pauses, "Just as long as it's not that library bitch!"

"God, no." he states. "I've seen way too much of her cleavage."

"If she shows up, I am not above punching a chick." He warns.

"You're cute," Cas placates him, tapping the tip of Dean's nose before taking another swig from his bottle.

"No, I'm hot and dangerous," Dean corrects him, childishly.

"Of course you are," he strides to the table to grab his pack for a smoke, lighting it fluidly as he perches on the counter next to Dean.

Jo comes back to the kitchen, pouring herself some rum in the mug on her belt loop.

"So who's all coming?" Dean asks her.

"I dunno the exact number or anything," Jo shrugs, "But I invited some of the kids from high school who might be around and some new friends I've made over the summer."

Dean nods as the knock on the door signals the arrival of the first guest. They start coming in steady streams, Dean and Cas continuing to drink as much as possible. Dean knows a lot of the people Jo invited, well he knows they went to school together, but he doesn't really know them. He never really hung out with the same people Jo did, though Dean got along with pretty much everyone. Cas being the case in point of that.

Gabe actually makes an appearance, and brought along both the ingredients for strawberry daiquiris and a strawberry blonde to go along with it. He's wearing Zorro costume and she's dressed like something slutty.

At his brother's arrival, Cas leans over to Dean to whisper in his ear, "She's a whore."

"Not surprising," Dean chuckles, "But I think you mean prostitute," he slurs a little.

Cas nodding as he goes to great his brother, still sipping straight from his bottle. Dean surveys the room, the cleared space in front of the TV full of every variety of creatures you could think of. All dancing and grinding against each other as the alcohol soaked there pores. He wasn't sure how long he had been standing there or where Castiel went, but he needed another beer.

Dean stumbled off to the kitchen making his way little groups of people chatting, he bee lined to the fridge leaning down to grab a beer. They were starting to deplete, and he was pleased he had the chance to pre game. When he stood back up from the appliance he turned and almost ran into none other than Uriel.

"Winchester!" Uriel smirked, chuckling.

He was dressed like a Jedi and Dean's drunken brain supplied him with the first thing that popped into it, "Samuel L?"

The drunken outburst caused the man to laugh heartily; he obviously wasn't completely sober either. "I heard this was your place."

"Yep, gotta move out sometime. How's school?"

"It's good, it's good," He shakes his head looking into his black disposable solo cup. "Is it true you live with that druggy Novak kid?" Uriel asked skeptically.

Dean nods, not wanting to have this conversation any more. "He doesn't do that anymore," he tells him tensely.

As if on cue, Cas comes up out of nowhere and presses himself against Dean. He's completely wasted, which isn't surprising when you set out to drink an entire bottle of jack by yourself; even if you are a heavy weight. Before Dean can react Cas kisses him in a mildly pornographic kiss, causing Uriel's eyes to practically bug out of his head.

"Um," Dean offers lamely when Cas pulls away, wanting nothing more than continue that little 'conversation' rather than the verbal one he was having with his old teammate.

"That explains the one bedroom," Uriel states, eyeing them in thinly veiled disdain.

"Dean," Cas prods him, his voice tinged even darker with the whiskey and the earlier display.

Dean turns to face Castiel, the two looking intently at each other as Dean picks up on what Cas is conveying to him. Uriel had said something else, but it fell on deaf ears as he allows Castiel to take him by the wrist.

Their eyes never leaving each others, "Fuck off, Uriel," Dean tells him as Cas leads him away.

Castiel takes them toward their bedroom, but they don't go in. He leans into the dark corner by the door pulling Dean close to him roughly by his shirt as they start making out feverishly. Due to the location of the corner the people heading to the bathroom only see Dean's back, but Castiel is mostly hidden. He sweeps his tongue into Dean's beer tinged mouth as he possessively kisses him, his hands on the either side of Dean's face.

Dean pressing back as he thumbs Cas's hips, not caring that they have a perfectly private bedroom right next to them.

"I want you," Cas whispers breathlessly as he pulls back from Dean.

"Then take me," He challenges, pressing their hips together suggestively.

Cas lets out a low growl as he slides his hand into Dean's pants stroking him, bringing their mouths together feverishly. Castiel undoes both the zippers on their pants, freeing there cocks. He pulls Dean closer with hand kneading the flesh of his ass as he starts to stroke their erections together.

Dean tilts his head back at the contact moaning louder than he thought, but the music thankfully drowned it out. He looked down at Cas, there breathing heavy with the exertion. Dean pulls Cas's collar away from his neck as he trails his mouth down, sucking on the pliant flesh. Cas's free hand death gripping Dean's upper arm, as the climax is torn from them.

It's over just as quickly as it started, they cum in tandem on Dean's dress shirt and Cas's hand; which is thankfully white. Dean braces himself on the wall, leaning over Cas as the man's nimble fingers tuck them away. He kisses Castiel on the forehead, Cas looking up to kiss Dean chastely on the mouth.

Castiel suggestively licks a bit of cum off his thumb as he winks at Dean, another wave of lust coursing through the taller man. He shakes it off however as they break apart, Cas lighting up a cigarette as he goes in search of his bottle of Jack.

Dean turns, resting his back on the wall Castiel just vacated as he steadies himself for a beat. He catches sight of Jo and follows after her to the sofa, plopping down beside her.

"What the hell is Uriel doing here?" Dean hollers into her ear over the music as he takes a sip from her rum mug.

"His school has fall break this weekend," She shouts back, "I didn't invite him though I swear." She holds up her fingers in a scouts honor.

"Ya, well he's a face full of dicks," he informs her, as she giggles wildly in her drunken state.

"You would know," She smiles broadly, taking her mug back to drink heartily from it.

"So Cas didn't get any 'goodies' for tonight?" Jo asks, miming a joint.

"I told you he's gone straight," Dean slurs, resting his head on her shoulder.

"He still pops pills though," She states mildly passing the mug to Dean.

"Its prescription," he informs her, which isn't completely a lie. Cas was prescribed drugs he had to take, but Dean knew he still abused it. "I'm getting another beer," he stands unsteadily.

As soon as he stands up, Ash is flopping down into his newly vacated space.

"Thanks, dude." He nods to Dean.

Dean makes his way through the throng of people to the kitchen, he sees Gabe on a kitchen chair with his 'date' straddling his lap as they played a graphic game of tonsil hockey; with unabashed groping. He ignores it, not wanting that image to sear his brain forever as he grabs a beer. Dean leans against the counter as he takes a long pull from the bottle. He notices the familiar form of Cas through the glass of the balcony door.

He watches the form of his boyfriend for a beat, contemplating going out to join him. Then another form steps into view and Dean freezes. Chasta is on his balcony, talking with Castiel. Dean has no clue what they're talking about, but her costume makes her look like the sluttiest angel he's ever seen.

Castiel is extremely drunk, he can tell that from where he's standing rotted to his spot. The bitch backing Cas up into one of the chairs, straddling him as she leans over him. Dean wants to move, to push her off of Cas and possibly the balcony while he's at it; but for whatever reason he can't. It's like time slowed down as he watched everything unfold before his eyes.

In all fairness, he couldn't see Cas's face, so he really had no clue what was going on, but either way he didn't like it. Finally, after what seemed like ages; time started up again and Dean, now a bit more sobered, strides purposefully toward the sliding door. He throws open the door, startling the women, as he steps out.

"What's going on here?" Dean glares as he takes in the scene.

Chasta's all ready low cut bra like top was even lower, as she looked up at him from where she had fallen on the floor. Cas was out of it, his eyes were closed and he was loosely clutching the Jack, that was a little less than half full; the bottle gently scrapping the wood of the patio.

"Dean?" Cas smirks gravelly, blinking up at him.

"Are you high?" He glares at him, ignoring the bitch on the floor.

"I can't be sure," He sighs solemnly.

Chasta tries to crawl past Dean to sneak out of the little space.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going bitch?" Dean takes a step blocking her escape.

"I shouldn't be here," She states lamely.

"No shit," He spits out, "What did you do?" he accuses her.

"I didn't do anything," She shoots back, standing up. "He was enjoying it," Chasta replies haughtily.

"He's higher than a kite, you bitch whore!" He informs her roughly, "You could be a 500 hundred pound hermaphrodite and he'd enjoy it!"

Cas giggles slightly at that, moving to take another sip from the bottle, Dean snatching it away.

"You put something in here?"

Chasta looks affronted, trying her best to stand her ground, "No," she snaps, "don't try to blame your relationship problems on me; he was the one looking for a good time."

Dean's face is drawn in anger and sarcasm, "You stupid fucking slut," he huffs a laugh, "He freaking hates you!" He shouts out.

"The way I hear it, you're a possessive bastard," She glares at him, "And now I see it firsthand."

"You can be quite jealous, Dean," Cas inserts, acting like he's watching a tennis match and he's the ref. His hazy blue eyes narrowing as he tries to focus on either of the people in front of him.

"Sweet heart, what makes you think that any antics you pulled would land you a man?" He asks relishing in her dejected silence.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she whispers looking at the floor.

"Right…If you didn't put anything in this bottle, then take a sip." Dean sticks the Jack in her face.

She eyes it warily, "No, I…I don't like whiskey," Chasta lies, transparently.

"Ya, I bet it's the roofie flavor, kind of puts you off."

"I should go," She glances briefly at Cas as if he would or could ask her to stay.

"Good idea," Dean steps aside to allow her out.

"It's not your fault your daddy didn't love you…" Cas mumbles after her, smirking to himself.

"You're not the person I thought you were Castiel," She informs him, her voice pitched high on the verge of tears.

Cas shakes his head mocking her words before he looks at her one eyed, trying his best to focus on the right person, "You're the whore I thought you where… sorry I mean prostitute."

"Fucking ass hole!" She shouts storming through the kitchen to leave.

Dean just stands there tensely, not allowing himself to relax until he hears the clatter of her hooker heels on the front walk below. Cas had somehow managed stand and to pull out a left over water balloon from the cooler to toss it at her. Sighing contently as she screamed and ran back out into the darkness. He wavered on his feet slightly, Dean grabbing him by the elbow.

"Dean?" Cas asks resting his head sideways on his own shoulder and peering up at Dean.

"Ya Cas?" He leads them to the chair, sitting down so Cas could sit on his lap.

Castiel leans tiredly into his chest, "Thank you for saving me from tiny whore angel tits." He rumbles against him.

Dean chuckling slightly, "You should sue her for sexual harassment, you know."

"Tomorrow," he closes his eyes, idly thumbing Dean's chest; causing Dean to shiver slightly when he grazes his nipple.

* * *

><p>Did Jo throw an awesome party? Did Chasta really drug Cas? Did Gabe have sex with his whore in the kitchen? Keep reading! ;D<p>

*All reviews are greatly appreciated! -heart- *


	35. Beside a stranger now

They sat out in the cool night together for awhile, until Dean felt the soft rhythmic breathing against him. He looked down to see Castiel sleeping peacefully, his face serene as each breathe escaped his parted chapped lips. Dean had no clue what time it was, but if the music from inside was anything to go by the party was still going on.

He really didn't want to wake the drugged man, but Dean knew Cas would not be a happy camper in the A.M. Plus the position would not be good for his neck.

"Cas," Dean called kissing the top of Castiel's head as he slid his hand up and down his arm.

The dark haired man just shivered slightly before snuggling closer into Dean's chest.

Dean sighed, "Cas, it's bed time," he stated firmly.

"Very well," Cas rasped making no effort to get up.

"You know I cannot carry you," he pushed Cas up slightly.

"Mhm," He nodded sitting up on Dean's lap, his eyes remaining closed, "I have faith in you." He sways a little.

"Thanks," Dean rolls his eyes, steadying Cas with a hand at his back.

He somehow manages to get both Cas and himself standing, draping Cas's arm over his shoulders to lead him inside. Castiel's head lolling, Dean using what strength he can to open and close the door; Gabe was still in the kitchen looking thoroughly disheveled and having a heated discussion with his strawberry siren and Jo.

"A little help here guys," Dean huffs, getting their attention.

"What happened to him?" Gabe smirked, turning back to the girls, "Some guys just party too hard," he tells them.

"He was drugged."

"What?" Gabriel stands mimicking Dean's position on the other side of his brother, helping to take the dead weight.

"Ya, I'll tell you in a sec," Dean shifts, "Let's get him to bed."

"Aye Aye captain," Gabe nods as they head toward the bedroom.

"Jo, can you make sure you toss the bottle of Jack that's on the porch?"

"No problem, Dean." Jo rises from the table to take care of it.

Dean and Gabe get Cas onto the bed, earning strange looks from the remaining guests Gabriel heads back to the kitchen while Dean removed Cas's clothing and got him tucked in. That task was easier said than done and when he got back out it was only Jo, Ash, Gabe and strawberry girl. The four of them gathered around the kitchen table playing cards.

"Start talking, Dean-o," Gabe ordered as soon as he stepped foot in the kitchen.

Dean grabbed a beer and hopped up onto the counter, "This crazy bitch from the library gate crashed the party," he tells them taking a pull from his bottle. "She's been hung up on him for months," he adds.

"Didn't she know he was taken?" The prostitute asked.

"That she did," He replies flatly, chugging some more of the amber liquid.

"What a slut," Jo snapped, looking apologetically at the other women, "So she like roofied him and tried to have her way?"

Dean just nods, looking down at the bottle in his hands as Ash whistles.

"He's going to feel like shit tomorrow," Gabe informed them.

"Ya roofies are gnarly shit, man." Ash agrees.

"What's this bitches name and where does she leave?" Jo asks dangerously, "I'm going to scratch her fucking eyes out."

"Can I come?" Gabe smirks, "I'd love to watch…I mean help," he adds lamely, clearly distracted by the prospect of a cat fight.

"Her name's Chasta," Dean tells them as they all look at him with WTF expressions. "I know," he shakes his head, "Fucking weird ass name… She's the children's department librarian."

"He should really report her," Strawberry girl tells them.

"Ya, Gem's got a point," Gabe agrees.

"That's tricky though cuz he's a dude," Jo states, "I say we take matters into our own hands," She narrows her eyes.

"All right there Rambo," Dean hops off the counter finishing the last of his beer, "I'm going to bed." He tosses the bottle in the sink, "If you guys don't mind making sure there's no one left lurking around, that'd be great and feel free to stay as long as you want or crash here." Dean turns to leave.

"Wait Dean," Jo calls catching up to him, "What was she dressed as?"

Dean laughs sardonically, "A fucking Angel," he turns creeping back into the darkened bedroom.

Whatever that bitch used on Cas must have totally counter acted the Jack he had drank, because instead of being sprawled out like a jellyfish, he was curled around himself. Cas looked so small like that, curled up tight like he was trying to shrink himself out of existence. Dean watched him as he changed for bed, making sure that he was still alive.

The next morning Dean wakes up well past noon to the sound of Cas groaning, he sits up blinking to try and wake himself up as he searches frantically for the other man. He finds him laying on his back on the floor, blankly starring up at the ceiling.

"Dean," Cas calls, sounding miserable.

"What is it babe?" He blinks rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Please kill me."

"You know that's not happening," Dean murmurs as he yawns, stretching himself across the bed to peer down on the man sprawled on the floor.

"What happened last night?" Cas asks shutting his eyes tightly. "My brain is trying to mutiny."

"You don't remember?" he wonders worriedly.

"I remember drinking a straight 'sex' and having 'Jack' with you," he replies mixing up what he meant.

Dean can't help but laugh at that, Cas too much in pain to glare at him. "That Jack," he smirks.

"I also remember breast's," he looks over at Dean, regretting the action and instantly dropping his head back to the floor, "Did we have a three some or orgy?"

"If only," he says wistfully, "Though we should add that to the list," Dean smirks.

Castiel groans, tossing his arm over his eyes, "Was I hit by a truck?" He asks the air, "It feels like I was hit by a truck."

"Not really a truck, more like a bitch with stupid name."

"Chasta," Cas spit vehemently.

"Is there any other?"

"Yes," he sighs in agony, falling quiet for a beat. "She drugged me with stuff I used to sell," Cas bemoans.

"I'm not going there," Dean states flatly, digging around in the night stand for aspirin.

"Hand me the pill bottle in there," Cas instructs, "It's orange."

Dean grabs it eyeing briefly, "You still have Codeine?" He shakes the bottle, "Wasn't this just for your stitches."

Cas sighs in exasperation, "Dean."

"How often are you taking this shit?" He asks accusingly.

"I'm in fucking pain!" Cas growls at him, "I can't do this with you right now."

"Fine, Castiel." Dean snaps at him, grabbing a random pair of pants and a shirt. He storms out of the room dropping the pill bottle on Cas's head and slamming the door behind him.

"Oww!" Cas shouts angrily after him in pain.

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	36. To Remember

AN: Thank you guys for the great feed back/review things, keep it up! Especially if you have questions or ideas etc, feel free to let me know!

-heart-

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><p>Dean storms out of the room stepping into his pants on the way to the bathroom, he does his usual morning routine and tosses on his shirt. Padding into the main room he sees Ash passed out on the coffee table with Jo unconscious, the TV on low. Dean ignores it, pleasantly surprised how little the damage was. All there was just a bunch of cups that needed to be cleaned up, he heads to the kitchen still a bit groggy as he pours himself some cereal.<p>

He adds the milk and turns leaning on the counter, slightly shocked at the scene he missed on the kitchen table. Lying on his back on the kitchen table was Gabe, his pants around his ankles. Luckily he still had his boxers on. Dean just takes it in as he munches on his cereal, trying to ignore what happened with Cas as he broods.

Half way through his cereal Gabriel starts to twitch then sits up like he's Frankenstein's monster. Dean eye's him warily, masticating another bite of lucky charms.

"You owe me a new table," Dean calls around his half chewed food.

"Wha?" Gabe turns, blinking confusedly at Dean.

"You fucked your whore, where I eat my meals."

"Gem is a saint," he mumbles, just now realizing that she's MIA.

"Ya, she's a real mother Teresa," He rolls his eyes as he puts the bowl in the sink.

Gabe finds a note tacked onto his shirt, smirking to himself, "Laugh all you want Dean-o, but I got her number."

"So does half the male population here," Dean starts making coffee, "And the bathroom stalls."

"Where's my bro?" He asks hopping off the table awkwardly and redoing his pants.

"He's on the floor in the bedroom," He replies tersely, "Apparently dying."

"A lovers' quarrel?" He asks pretending to be interested.

"Don't you have someplace to be?" Dean glances at him.

"Not before my coffee," he smirks, looking through the fridge.

Dean sighs, opening one of the over head cabinets and pulling out the foil pack of the chocolate fudge poptarts and handing it to the little man.

"Thanks, ma' bitch!" He nods, sitting on the counter while the coffee brewed. "So… not like I care, but what's eatn' you? Is it that psycho bitch?" Gabe stuffs some of the pastry in his mouth, "Because don't worry about that, Jo and I worked it out," he's eyes twinkle mischievously.

"It's none of your business," Dean crosses his arms.

"My brother is my business." He states around a mouthful.

"That's rich," he mocks sardonically.

The coffee maker beeps and Dean procures enough mugs for everyone still in the apartment. He hands one to Gabriel as he pours another.

"Take this to your business," Dean orders the small man as he refers to Castiel.

"Aren't you his French-maid?" Gabe gripes jumping off the counter and going to deliver the mug of dark liquid.

He pours a cup for himself and Jo and heads back to the sofa, nudging her awake and offering the hot coffee.

"Thanks, Dean." Jo states hoarsely, sitting up and grabbing the mug and breathing in the aromatic steam.

Dean sits down next to her, Jo placing her legs over his lap as he turns up the volume on the TV.

"I think the party went well," Jo murmurs yawning, "Thanks for that." She smiles.

"No problem," He replies shortly.

"Is Cas doing all right?" She asks over the top of her mug as she takes a sip.

"He'll live," Dean keeps watching the TV.

Gabe emerging from the bedroom, "Was he always so bitchy?" he asks the air in a huff. "I understand having the mother of all hangovers, but fuck." He leans against the wall.

"I dunno, Gabe. Probably just the drugs talking," Dean says in a dead tone, as he sips idly from his mug still pretending to watch the show that's on.

"Whatever," he shrugs, "I'm heading out, I got a deadline for Monday." Gabriel heads toward the door.

"You still owe me a new table," Dean calls receiving no answer as the front door slams shut.

"FUCKING GABE!" They hear Cas shout from the bedroom.

A heavy silence falling over the two friends, until Jo decides to break it, "You gunna tell me what that's about or am I gunna have to beat it out of you?"

Dean doesn't reply for a beat, Jo watching him patiently. "Cas is," he sighs really not wanting to talk about this shit, "he's not taking care of himself and its frustrating."

"We're young," Jo offers, "We're kind of supposed to learn from our mistakes."

"That's a dangerous motto," He admits tiredly, "At least for Cas… It's like he's playing with fire."

"I see," she nods looking intently at her coffee. "He know how much it bugs you?"

"I don't think he cares."

"Dean Winchester!" Jo chides him, "You are a lot of stupid things, but a pussy!" she shakes her head, "I never thought I'd see the day," She rolls her eyes before she glares sternly at him.

"What the hell are you talking about?" He asks in genuine confusion.

"You need to fucking talk to him, that's what I'm talking about Dean." Jo sighs exasperatedly. "If you don't tell him, he won't know." She places her pale hand on his shoulder, "You two can convey a lot when you look at each other, but you can't do that with everything." Jo pauses for a beat, "I know how much you abhor dealing with feelings, but…"

"He's the one who never tells me about it," Dean interrupts her, "He doesn't hide it per say, but he definitely keeps me in the dark."

"Well, wait till he's 100% first Dean." She orders him, "You can't corner him when he's down."

"He's always down," he sighs under his breath as they sit in silence again, Jo's words sinking into him.

"Maybe he just can't remember sober Castiel," she shrugs psychologically, "And it scares him."

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><p>:)Review(: if ya can or want... And ya, Gabe DID have sex on the kitchen table! ;D<p> 


	37. This prison cell used to be

AN: Cas... *shakes head* ;D These two are very tumultuous, but I go where they take me...

ENJOY! and Thank you all for the REVIEWS!

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><p>Dean knew that what Jo was saying rang true, hell he had thought most of it himself. It was unfair for him to freak out like that, especially since Cas was nursing a roofie hangover. He was just getting tired of always having the same fight over and over, and he felt like the only one trying sometimes. They needed to address it, Dean wasn't looking forward to it, but he figured there are only so many times you can sweep an issue under the rug. If they didn't address it soon everything could blow up in his face.<p>

He also had another thought that he tended to keep in the back of his mind. Dean had wondered what Castiel 100% drug free would be like and if he'd be the same Cas underneath it all. It scared him to think that the man he was in love with might not be the same person, it was probably a silly notion; but it was there. Dean briefly considered that Cas might be thinking similar things about himself, either way his path was clear.

"I'll be back in a sec," Dean tells Jo, patting her shin so she'll move her legs. "And thanks."

"No prob, sometimes it just helps to hear things from a third-party," She smiles at him, "I'm gunna start cleaning up." Jo stands, starting to nudge Ash.

Dean nods at her taking a deep breath as he goes to his shared bedroom. He doesn't bother knocking, lest he anger Cas even more, and just walks in closing the door gently behind him. Cas is still sprawled out on the floor with his eyes closed, the half empty coffee mug perched precariously on his chest as he smokes; using the cup as an ash tray.

"You didn't like the coffee, huh?" Dean asks, lying on the floor next to Cas.

"It was adequate," Cas mumbles.

"I'm sorry about earlier," he starts, awkwardly, "It was unfair and not the right time."

Cas cracks his eye open looking at Dean briefly.

"We'll talk when you're feeling better." Dean adds.

"Very well," Cas inhales smoke.

"How's your head?" he brushes his fingers through the man's dark locks.

"Throbbing," he sighs in anguish, "I'll live I suppose."

"Promise?" Dean half-heartily jokes.

Castiel just groans a little as they lie there in silence for awhile. Dean leaves to help Jo finish cleaning and Cas stays in the room for the entire day just trying to sleep it off. They end up having a discussion that night while in bed, Dean and Cas laying there facing each other, but not touching just talking.

"You know I don't like the drugs," Dean states softly.

"They help Dean," Cas sighs as they look at each other, "The doctor's wouldn't prescribe them if they weren't necessary."

"Cas," he pauses trying to figure out how to say what he wants without starting a shouting match, "We both know you use more than they tell you."

"I know what I'm doing."

"So you're a doctor now?" Dean asks sarcastically.

"I appreciate your concern, Dean, but…" he trails off looking down at the bedding.

"But what?" He wonders softly, his features creasing with concern, "It's ok to be afraid, Castiel." Dean places his hand soothing on the other man's arm. "You can't tell me I don't understand, when I'm trying here."

Cas just nods solemnly, not making eye contact, with Dean; the pair staying silent for a moment.

"When was the last time you where completely sober?" Dean whispers unsure if he really wants to hear the answer.

The other man's blue eyes snap up to meet Dean's green ones, Cas's face slightly stricken. "Almost nine, maybe more," he admits quietly.

"Years?" He asks, his face drawn as Castiel nods in the affirmative.

Dean squeezes his eyes shut, because that's like a decade of drugs; all from having a fucked up family and no one to set the proper examples for him.

"Cas," his voice cracks, he clears his throat to try and hide it. "What all do you take, now?" It's another question Dean wishes he didn't have to ask.

"It's not as much as before," Cas offers lamely, trying to be reassuring as he brings his secrets to light. "Mostly antidepressants and pain killers… I don't really take the aderall anymore." He adds, "That was for school, mostly."

"Huh," is all Dean manages to get out as soaks it in. "I get the depression meds, but why numb yourself out, Cas…" He strokes Cas's cheek briefly.

"It's easier," he shrugs.

"You're better than that."

They stay silent, again, for a beat until Cas looks back up at him.

"Am I, Dean?" He questions. "It's been serving me pretty well all these years," he's starting to get irate, veering away from the steady line Dean had been trying to keep them at.

"Cas," Dean sighs, trying to calm the other man down.

Castiel sits up, Dean starring at his tattooed back, "I ruin everything, Dean, and don't you dare try to say otherwise because the facts are substantial." He snaps angrily, his tone dangerous. "I'm a fuck up, so excuse me for using what I can, to try and forget about it."

"You are not a fuck up, Castiel," Dean sits up, to look at him. "And what facts?" he adds in confusion.

"My entire life!" He answers Dean's question, "Which I know how that sounds, but you cannot deny it." Cas glares at him, "Not a fuck up…You almost lost your brother, because of me, Dean." He reminds him gravely.

Dean's a little taken aback by that left field admission, but he composes himself. "That wasn't your fault! You can't keep blaming yourself for the past, which you had no control over; you have to move on!"

Cas bites his lower lip looking away from Dean, "I know what I am," he says softly, before looking back at Dean vehemently. "You're the only one who can't seem to see it."

Dean starts to break, "Bull shit, Cas! You know what I see!" He tells him standing up from the bed and rounding on him, "I see a guy who was dealt a crap hand, and is so fucked up that he doesn't even recognize when people are trying to help!" He breathes deeply, Cas refusing to look at him, "You self-deprecating ass hole!" He bellows, finally getting the other man to look at him, "I love you, Castiel! Whether you know what that means or not, but I will not watch you kill yourself! Especially knowing that I could have done something about it!" Dean takes a deep breathes trying to calm down, just now realizing that his eyes had started to water.

Castiel bows his head, his shoulders shaking a little, "I'm sorry, Dean." He tells him softly, getting up from the bed and striding out of the room.

Dean watches after him before exhaling sharply, turning his back on the door as he puts his hands on his head in frustration. "Son of a bitch!" He calls out, before going after Castiel.

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	38. A shelter

AN: Guess what's going down after this chap...(HINT: weird name ;D)

Happy trails! ;D

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><p>Dean finds Cas at his favorite spot, on the roof. He's smoking as he watches the stars, somehow seeing Dean before Dean makes himself known.<p>

"You're right," Cas informs him solemnly, his eyes still cast to the heavens. "I've been selfish."

"Cas," Dean sits next to him, his anger coolly back down.

"Hurting you was never my intent."

"You hurting yourself, is what I'm worried about," Dean adds.

He shrugs flippantly, "I've been through a lot of shit and no matter how much I wished it would end…" Cas sighs looking at him, "God kept me here for a reason Dean."

Dean kind of wants to scoff at the god notion, but knows better when Castiel is involved and continues to listen.

"I just don't understand you sometimes," Cas admits. "You selflessly preserver no matter what, just because it's the right thing to do… I wish I had your convictions."

"You have more faith then I do," Dean offers honestly.

"What are beliefs if you lack the conviction?"

They sit silently for a beat, watching the stars together.

"You know I'm not one for the whole god discussion," He reminds Cas, "But if you had an ounce of that faith in yourself as you do for big guy upstairs…" Dean shakes his head.

Cas nods in understanding as he smokes, looking out over the buildings, "Why me?"

"You know I ask myself that same thing sometimes," Dean smirks, nudging their shoulders together, lightening the mood. Castiel looking at him expectantly as he sighs, "Honestly, I have no clue." He admits, "There's just something about you," he tosses his arm over Castiel's shoulders. "I guess I'm just a sucker for the kicked puppy, look."

"Dean," he scolds as he leans against the other man.

"Why ask why, Babe," he tells him earnestly, "It happened and here we are."

"Live day by day?" Cas questions.

"Worked so far," Dean shrugs, "We got this." He assures him, confidently.

Castiel nods quietly as they look up at the stars together, the clear onyx night, alive with billions of twinkling stars. Dean's mind races as he tries to work out a way to help the man in his arms; Cas saying a silent prayer that Dean is right.

"I am trying," Cas tells him softly.

"I know Cas, I'm sorry," he ruffles the man's hair, "I should have helped more."

"We both ignored it."

"Ya," Dean agrees.

The two men stayed up there for another hour or so before Cas slipped from Dean's grasp to stand up.

"I'm going to bed," Cas stretches.

"Me too," Dean nods, taking the hand offered to him to get to his feet.

The next morning Dean sleeps in, bolting awake at 9:30 when he remembered it was Sunday. He was surprised to find the other side of the bed was empty as the sleep left him. Sitting up he grabbed his phone, finding a note stuck to it.

Dean,

Went to church with Mary.

-x Cas

Dean smiled to himself at the brevity of the note not realizing that Castiel should be back, he laid there for a little bit longer before getting up. Slipping some sweats on and padding from the bedroom, the smell of bacon hitting him instantly as he follows it to the kitchen.

"Cas?" He calls curiously.

"Hello Dean." Cas greets, his back to him as he makes breakfast.

"Morning," Dean kisses Cas's temple, watching him finish things up, "What's the occasion?"

"Just felt like it," he replies stoically, "Want to set the table?"

"Yeah…" he glances at the piece of furniture, "I don't think you want to eat on that."

Cas turns blinking at him as he tilts his head in a silent question.

"Your brother kind of…" Dean searches for the right words, "did the dirty, on it."

"That's where we eat," Cas intones flatly, looking at the offending item. "Gabriel," he says darkly, his eyes narrowing.

"I told him he owes us a new table," he shrugs, snatching a piece of bacon off the pan before Cas notices.

"And his first born," Castiel deadpans.

"I doubt you'd want that Satan spawn," Dean smirks looking out at the patio. "Why don't we eat out there?"

Cas turns his attention back to Dean, "Fine."

They eat off their laps on the patio chairs; Cas had made bacon, eggs and toast. He was definitely a much better cook then Dean, though neither of them where horrible at it. Dean cleans up when their done, leaving Cas curled up in his chair while he sips his orange juice. He returns to join the dark haired man as they sit silently in the mid morning sun.

"I talked with your mom," Cas informs him.

"Ok," Dean nods, sipping his drink.

"I've got an appointment on Friday." He looks over the balcony, Dean not quite sure what the man is saying.

"You're going to see a doctor?"

"It's an evaluation," Cas clarifies for him.

"A shrink?" he nods.

"I figured it was a proper course, since it's been a while." He looks at Dean nonchalantly.

"That's great, Cas." Dean smiles at him. "You going to stop the ones you're taking?" He asks cautiously.

Cas nervously lighting a cigarette, his fingers twitching idly, "Um," he clears his throat rubbing his forehead, "That could be difficult."

Dean pats Cas's knee reassuringly, "Tell me where they are and we'll flush them, ok?"

He nods in agreement, puffing on his cigarette.

"I may regret this," Dean sighs to himself, "But besides weed… did you take anything harder?" He asks, just trying to get the facts.

"I dabbled when I was younger," Castiel admits, "but I don't like needles and I used to get nose bleeds a lot," he sniffs, picking a thread on his knee.

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	39. Want to say

The next day Cas goes to work, he' been a bit short and moody; since they flushed his drugs, Dean hopes they got them all, he wouldn't put it past Castiel to have a stash somewhere though. He does a little search of the house after he gets up, a few hours after the other man had left. The search proved futile, however, since he didn't find anything; he figured that was a good sign.

Dean hangs around the house most of the day, going for a drive around noon. His mom had picked up some fall goodies at the apple farm and asked him to come by and pick them up. He was super excited for some apple cider donuts.

It was about time for Castiel to be getting off of work and Dean decided to walk down there to meet him. Cas had been walking to and from work a lot lately due to the refreshing brisk fall weather. He even baggies a donut for Cas, since he all ready ate a couple himself, he hopes this one makes it.

When he gets there, however he sees Cas having a heated discussion with that bitch. Dean keeps out of sight, curious about what's going on. When he gets into ear shot he can tell instantly that Cas is extremely pissed.

"I know it's your friends Castiel," Chasta whines, "They are sending inappropriate emails, phone calls and defacing my property. I want it to stop."

"I wanted to not be drugged," Cas snaps at her.

"I told you I was sorry, Castiel." She begs, "I know it was wrong but my intentions where good."

He looks at her, his eyes narrowed waiting for the bitch to elaborate.

"He's no good for you Castiel, I know you," Chasta pleads with him, Dean realizing she's talking about him.

"You do not know anything about me," Cas glares at her his voice lower than usual, with his ire. "I could tell you things that would make your hair curl," he spits dangerously as he backs her against the brick, "Everything I am now, is because of HIM!"

Dean can see the bitches eyes glistening as Cas looms over her, his height and demeanor in full smiting mode, as Dean likes to call it.

"I'm just trying to save you," She pulls out an ineffective pout, "It's wrong, Castiel."

Great, Dean thinks to himself, she's one of those religious freaks now; the list of reasons to hate her was ever growing.

"I know you that you know this," Chasta tries to reason with him, "It's wrong!"

Castiel fenced her menacingly at the wall and if Dean didn't know any better he looked like he was going to kill or seriously maim her. "Only God can judge me, you self righteous bitch!" He strikes the wall, causing her to jump in shock and fear.

"Cas," She starts inadvertently using Dean's nick name for him.

"You do not get to call me that," He informs her vehemently.

Dean takes that as his cue to make an appearance, while he does hate every fiber of that evil little bitch; being on the receiving end of angry Cas could be shit your pants scary. He came forward, pretending like he had just strolled up.

"Hey Cas," Dean smiles, the other man turning to look at him.

Castiel's face softening as he greets him, "Hello Dean." He strides towards him, and kisses him urgently with relief.

Chasta looks between the two of them, her face stained with tears as she takes her opportunity to leave, hastily clacking to the parking lot.

"You ok?" Dean ask when they pull apart.

Cas nods, shaking out the hand he hit the wall with as the anger leaves him. "She shouldn't be a problem anymore," he states gravely.

"Cas," he exclaims, grabbing Cas's wrist, "You're bleeding."

Castiel looks at the scraped knuckles of his injured hand disinterestedly, "So I am," his hand shaking a little.

"Let's go home," he rolls his eyes leading them away from the building. "Here," Dean hands Cas the donut.

Cas eats half of the donut, giving the rest to Dean as he nonchalantly takes Dean's hand lacing their fingers together. They walk together down the sidewalk looking at all the brilliant colors the leaves where changing.

"So what was going on with bitch face back there," Dean hedges, trying to keep up the charade.

"Apparently my brother and Jo somehow acquired her phone number, email and address."

"It was probably Ash, he's good at computers." He chuckles.

"Yes, well, I took care of it." Cas says without inflection. "And I punched a wall."

"That probably wasn't the best idea," Dean smirks, "If I don't see that bitch again, it would be too soon."

"Unfortunately I still have to work with her."

"How's your hand?" He changes the subject, taking a look at as they turn onto their street.

"It hurts," Cas deadpans, his hand still bleeding a bit as it trembles.

"We'll get it cleaned up," Dean promises him, "It doesn't feel broken does it?"

"I don't believe so."

They head up the stairs to their apartment; Cas tossing his bag on the couch as soon as they get in. Shrugging out of his sweater and dropping it as he unbuttons his shirt doing the same as he heads to the bathroom.

Dean following the trail of clothing scooping it up along the way, "I'm not your maid, Cas." He calls, tossing the clothes into the bedroom.

"Are you going to help me or not?" Cas calls, waiting momentarily for Dean to appear.

"I'm here," he appears in the door, opening the medicine cabinet to grab the first aid kit. "Did you wash it?"

Cas blinks at him idly, Dean sighing impatiently as he turns on the hot water and washes Castiel's hand carefully with soap.

"It stings."

"Just wait," he dries it, sitting Cas on the toilet seat as he gets the antiseptic. He daps the soaked pad on the cuts upon the man's knuckles, Castiel hissing loudly at the contact. "You learn your lesson?" Dean asks him jokingly.

He nods solemnly, "Punch her face instead of the wall."

"Not quite, what I was going for," he chuckles, "But that works too."

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	40. Behind the smile you're hiding

AN: Poor Cas... I keep feeling that Dean needs something to be a little more fucked up too, but I REFUSE to kill Mary... (let me know if you have any ideas...)

Thanks as always!

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><p>As the week progressed Dean quickly discovered that, in retrospect, flushing Cas's drugs was not the best idea. Each day he got back from work, Cas would complain about some idiot at the library or how much pain he was in and how much he wanted to beat the crap out of everyone; Dean included. He would also take super long naps, sleeping through meals. Not like Castiel was eating much when he did finally eat. Castiel was being stand offish when it came to any type of intimacy between them as well. Luckily it was Thursday, which meant that Cas would finally be going in for his appointment.<p>

"Remind me again why it is wrong to kill people," Cas glared angrily as he burst into the apartment.

"Um…it's the law, you'd look weird in an orange jump suite, it can be messy and if it was ok it would cause total anarchy." Dean offered cheekily as he flipped through a car magazine on the sofa.

"Those are not very persuasive arguments; most of them only apply if you are caught." He lights a cigarette standing behind the sofa.

"They always get caught."

"I would not," Cas breathes out a puff of blue smoke.

"Whatever, what's got your panties in a bunch today?" Dean asks idly. "Besides, life in general," he sighs under his breath.

"Work bull shit," he huffs, leaning against the the sofa, his back to Dean. "As always," Cas sighs. "Maybe it's time for a career change," he asks the air, wistfully.

"I thought you liked the library?"

Cas shrugs, smoking as Dean wishes he could see the man's face. "It's tedious," he informs him flatly, "Everything is tedious."

Dean stands on his knees on the sofa, resting his head on Cas's shoulder. "I hope you aren't talking about everything," he insinuates kissing the man's neck, in an attempt to 'release some tension'.

"Not now, Dean !" He snaps, pulling away, "I've got to go shower," he adds solemnly, not making eye contact.

"Right," Dean nods, his jaw set as he sits back on the couch. Cas tossing him a sad, brief glance heading toward the bathroom.

Later that night, the pair is in the kitchen making dinner when things really start to go south.

"So tomorrow's the big day…" Dean hedges pouring the spaghetti in the boiling water, "Ya' nervous?"

"Yes," He narrows his eyes, "I am nervous, about going to some quack shrink," he tells him sarcastically.

"I'm sure it'll help, Cas." He assures him, "Mom wouldn't have recommended the chick if she wasn't good."

Cas snaps, "I'm nervous about the unintelligent asshole forcing me to answer stupid questions that I've all ready had to suffer through once before, just so she can prescribe me the same shit I was taking; which I don't have any more because my idiot boyfriend made me flush it all down the drain!"

"Whoa!" Dean blinks at him in shock as he turns from the pot he was stirring, to look at the other man.

"And I can't even sit in my own fucking kitchen because that pubescent, candy crusted brother of mine fucking soiled the damn table!" Cas spits out, upturning the offending piece of furniture.

Dean just looking on in confusion and surprise, "Cas?" he asks softly, like he's trying to calm a wild animal.

"I'm fine, Dean," He sucks in a shaky breath.

"Clearly," he scoffs.

"I have a head ache," Cas dismisses as he heads to the bedroom.

"What about dinner?" Dean questions awkwardly.

"I'm not hungry!"

The bedroom door slams and Dean is left standing in the middle of the kitchen with a flipped over table and too much spaghetti cooking on the stove, along with the other remnants of dinner preparation. Suddenly, his appetite was gone as well and he turned off the stove to step out onto the balcony.

Dean knew Castiel's change of demeanor was due largely to the fact that he was off his somewhat good meds and detoxing from the rest, but somehow he also knew that Cas was lying again. He didn't think it was anything really big, just secrets that Cas wasn't sharing anymore. Dean could see it in his cobalt eyes every time he looked at him and it was worrying. He decided to call his mom, after he climbed up to the roof.

"Hello?" Mary answered the house phone.

"Hey mom."

"What's wrong hunnie?" She asks instantly, Dean feeling a little better all ready, just by hearing her voice.

"Well Cas's appointment is tomorrow," he hedges.

"Mhmm," she agrees, patiently.

"He's just been psycho this week," Dean admits, "He blames me for everything, he's hurting and I can't do anything about it and he's just so angry… I don't understand." He rambles.

"Sweetie," Mary soothes him.

"He flipped the kitchen table," He adds blankly.

"You make sure you go with him tomorrow you understand?" She orders him.

"I will, unless he kills me first." Dean adds sardonically.

"Dean," Mary chides him, "I know this is difficult, but you where right to call me." She praises him, "Anytime you're worried about Castiel or anything I want you to talk to me."

"Ok," he nods.

"I know he's been through a lot, you both have," She amends, "But you are still just kids in many way and this is never easy. He is hurting, Dean and I know that's heart breaking…the mind creates novels worth of ways to deal with those things, and they aren't always the healthiest."

Dean listens to her, wondering just what Cas told his mom; because it didn't seem like she knew all about the drug thing.

"It's just really hard, mom." He sighs tiredly.

"Love is never easy," Mary tells him sweetly.

"I guess…"

"Make sure he goes tomorrow, it's at 9."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Dr. Visyak, is a wonderful women, she'll help him," Mary promises. "Oh, when I just think about what his family did I…ugh, the things I would do…" She huffs angrily, Dean knowing exactly what she's referring to. "Anyway," she softens, changing the subject, "I have to go now sweetie, Sammy's at debate club let's out soon."

"Yeah, ok, um thanks mom."

"Anytime, feel free to call later if you need to."

"All right," Dean nods as they hang up.

Dean stays on the roof for a while until his stomach starts to growl, Mary's words having reassured him a little. If his mom had faith in this shrink or whatever, then so did he. At this point he was willing to try anything to get Cas back to normal or rather better than normal. He heads back down to the kitchen, not wanting to deal with the partially cooked spaghetti he makes himself a sandwich instead.

That night when they're asleep, which seems to be the only time this week that Cas clings to Dean, Dean hears talking that wakes him up. It's just soft murmuring coming from Castiel, but he can tell it's not pleasant. The dark haired man is death gripping Dean's shirt as he finally realizes that Cas keeps calling for Jimmy, his twin, to end it and make him stop.

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	41. No turning back

AN: Thanks guys! I decided Dean is fine the way he is, because he does still have some father issues...(whether those will be addressed or not)

Also if you are wondering how they pay for this doctor stuff... Mary's just an awesome nurse who gets the hook up from people she works with!

ENJOY

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><p>The next morning, Dean fights the never ending battle of getting Castiel up. None of the usual tricks seem to be working so he uses some old school ones like taking the covers and bribing him. Eventually Cas gets up, Dean making him hall ass so they can make the appointment on time.<p>

Castiel sits petulantly in the waiting room, "This is pointless," he huffs.

Dean shakes his head, "You're here, that's half the battle."

Realizing Dean's not going to budge, Cas switches tactics as he slides his hand onto Dean's thigh. "We could get out of here," he whispers darkly.

"Nice try, babe." He shifts away, continuing to read his magazine; wishing that he was earnestly trying to get into his pants and not just trying manipulate him to get out of here.

"This is your doing." He huffs, crossing his arms.

"Whatever helps you sleep," Dean tosses flippantly; you can't shit a shitter as they say.

Cas pulls out a cigarette going to light it as the lady behind the counter taps on the glass at him. She mouths the word NO as she points at the no smoking sign, Cas just blinking at her as he lights the cigarette any way. The women rising out her chair scandalously, Dean looks up at the women before snatching the tobacco stick from Castiel's lips and stomping it out; mouthing sorry to her.

"You just love taking things away from me don't you?" Cas glares at him, "Want to take my soul while you're at it."

"Shut up," Dean snaps at him in exasperation, "This week has been hell, Cas!" He informs him, "So if anything, you've taken my soul."

Cas's face falls guiltily, as he brings his knees up to his chest, "I didn't realize," he rumbles looking away from Dean as the receptionist calls his name.

"Now go get better, you psycho," he jokes winking at him reassuringly, Cas looking at him with wide nervous eyes as his lips twitch in one of those almost smile things.

The secession is a long one, Dean waiting for over an hour and practically flipping through every magazine the office had. He was about to go and ask how much longer it was going to be when a women came out to get him.

"Mr. Winchester?" The blonde women asked.

"Um, ya."

"I'm Dr. Visyak," She reaches out her hand for him to shake.

"Oh hey doc," Dean smiles as he takes her hand.

"Why don't we step into my office and we can chat," she smiles warmly.

"All right," he nods following after her.

"Mary is a sweetheart," Visyak smiles at him, "Best nurse ever, but you probably know that."

"Ya," Dean smirks, "Mom's great."

"Here we are," She informs him, holding the door to her office open to allow Dean in.

"Where's Cas?" He asks seeing that the office was empty except for them.

"He's in the other room, I wanted to go over some things with you." She steps around her desk motioning to one of the chairs, "Please take a seat."

They both sit down, Dean feeling vaguely like he got in trouble and is in the principal's office.

Dr. Visyak flips through her files, "I understand you and Castiel are living together," She leads her tone clinical, "What's the nature of your relationship?"

"Um," He blushes slightly; he was so not prepared for this, "We're," he clears his throat, "Together."

"He's your partner," she clarifies; Dean not liking the way she put it, but nodding none the less. "I'm just trying to get a clear picture here, Dean." Visyak assures him, "Castiel is having a difficult time right now, and I want to make sure that he has people who can be there for him."

"Look lady," Dean tells her, "I'm here for the long haul, so whatever you need me to do, or whatever, I'll do it."

She studies him briefly like she's gauging the truth with in him; "Very well," she nods. "Castiel is suffering from unipolar depression or major depressive disorder; he is also displaying borderline antisocial personality disorder."

"Ok," he nods waiting for her to elaborate.

"It's due largely on childhood trauma he's sustained and the environment he was in, since we cannot say if it is also hereditary." She glances up from her papers, "I'm going to start him on some anti-depressants, but I also want him here once a week for private sessions so we can make sure the medicine is working."

"What do you need me to do?" Dean asks.

"I want you to just keep an eye on him and make sure he's taking the correct dosages every day. If you have any concerns please call me so I can address them," The doctor hands him her business card. "Make sure you get the prescription filled today, so he can take it tonight."

"Thanks doc," Dean nods earnestly.

Dr. Visjak rises from her chair leading Dean to the door.

Dean pauses at the door, "I know you have the confidentiality thing," he starts awkwardly, "But I just wanta… did he tell you about Jimmy?" he blurts.

Her face remains impassive, due to years of practice, "And who is that?" She asks, Dean unsure if she knows or not.

"His twin," he shrugs, "I just thought it could be important."

"Thank you, Dean." She smiles as she shows him back to the waiting room, "Tell your mother I say hello."

"I will," he nods.

About ten minutes later, Castiel comes out from the room looking drained. He doesn't say anything, just hands Dean his prescription as they leave the office. Out of, what Dean guesses is pity, he lets Cas smoke on the way to and from the pharmacy. He makes sure he reads the medical information about how the drugs are supposed to be taken, before doling out the proper amount and handing to Cas to take. The whole time he feels like some kind of prison warden and he hates it.

Castiel remains silent as he takes his medicine, Dean holding on to the bottle so he won't have to worry about it. The dark haired man runs a nervous hand through his hair as he moves to leave the kitchen, Dean grabbing his wrist to stop him. Cas looks at Dean's hand up his arm before his eyes snap up to meet green ones.

"I'm proud of you," he whispers stepping forward to cautiously press his lips to Castiel's forehead. Cas just stands there stoically and it kind of reminds him of the first time they met.

Their eyes meet again instantly when Dean pulls away, Cas tilting his head up and placing a slow apologetic kiss to Dean's lips. Dean had forgotten just how good it felt, but resisted the urge to do anything more as he was led to the couch. Dean sat down, allowing Cas to lean against him as they watched TV in silence.

He rubbed soothing circles upon Castiel's back, just relishing in the fact that he was no longer pushing him away. Dean knew it was too soon for the meds to be kicking in, but he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the face.

Castiel doesn't talk for the rest of the day, which he spends a good amount of sleeping against Dean. He watches the slow rise and fall of Cas's rhythmic breathing, wondering what was going on inside his head. Dean knew all this shit stemmed from what his brother's did to him, but he also knew the more recent incident had also left a mark on the other man. Not like Dean was immune or anything, just more well adjusted, he guessed.

The man against him started to stir, blinking slowly up at him.

"Hey there," Dean greets softly, Castiel's mouth twitching sadly. "You hungry?"

Cas blinks owlishly at him as he ponders the question for a beat before shaking his head no.

"Ok," he nods, kissing Cas's temple briefly, "I'm gunna grab something real quick," he guides him up.

Castile moving so Dean can vacate the couch to get food. Dean makes a pb&J sandwich and pours orange juice into a mug. He quickly returns after throwing some chips on his plate, reclaiming his seat as Cas curls up on his side. Silently Dean hands him the mug, which Cas sips from as he steals some chips off the plate. Dean doesn't complain, because he just pleased the other man is actually eating something as he wondered how long it would be before the drugs kicked in.

Saturday comes and goes with no change from Cas, Dean gives him the medicine and he just stays in bed all day. Castiel doesn't talk till Sunday, Mary asking him about the appointment as they head of to church.

"How'd you Dr. Visyak?" Mary wonders.

"She is very nice," Cas intones.

"I hope she helps, sweetie," She smiles at him, patting his knee.

"Thank you, Mary."

"Anytime," She nods at him before changing the subject, "Now is my son not feeding you? You tell me the truth, Castiel," she looks at him semi sternly, "Because you are as thin as rail and I know I taught Dean better than that."

"Mom," Dean complains.

"You aren't too old for me to smack you upside the head, Dean Winchester," Mary narrows her eyes at Dean in the rear view mirror.

"He has been feeding me," Cas assures her.

"Good," She smiles.

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	42. We're so far gone

AN: I love how some chapters just flow out beautifully... This was not one of them, this was a Chasta of a chapter ;D (see what I did there!)

Anyway thanks again as always for the lovely/helpful reviews!

READ ONWARD! -

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><p>Cas is still off, but was somewhat better by the middle of the week. It was still slow going with everything and Dean was giving him a little space as he adjusted. Really they both where adjusting; Dean was getting used sobering Castiel, which still threw him for a loop. Grant it, he was still a bit moody due to the depression and the time it takes for the drugs to do their thing. Now when Cas looked at him, there was no more hazy tinge and, while he might complain about it, he was getting used to feeling things fully again.<p>

Dean had to work late on Wednesday so Castiel was all ready home when he got back, his dark hair just visible over the top of the couch.

"Hey babe," Dean calls as he enters with a pizza box; he grabs a soda from the fridge with no answer in reply. He washes his hands real quick before heading to the living room where he finds Cas sleeping in a humorous position on the couch, his head tilted back with his lips parted and hands clasped on his stomach. Dean smirks to himself think the man looks like a choir boy getting a blow job; as he places the pizza on the coffee table, sitting in front of Cas's legs on the floor as he digs in.

Whether it was Dean's presence or the smell of the pizza, Cas woke up half way through his first slice. "Dean?" He clears his throat.

Dean tilts his head back as he peers up at Cas like a guilty child, "Hey Cas…there's pizza," he offers, lamely holding up his piece for emphasis.

Cas nods stretching a bit to work the kink out of his neck, taking a moment to wake up before he grabs a slice of pizza. He picks off a piece of pepperoni, popping it into his mouth and chewing it slowly before licking some grease off his thumb. "I think we should have sex later," he states blandly as Dean chokes on his bite.

"What?" Dean coughs, staring at him. He wasn't sure if this was just regular blunt Cas or what, but it was completely unexpected.

"I'm certain you know what intercourse is, Dean."

He quickly composed himself, "Ya babe, that'd be fun," he smirks cockily, "You sure you're up to it?"

"I suppose we'll find out," Cas states cryptically as he takes a bite from his slice.

Dean nodded as he ate his pizza, his upstairs brain was a bit worried that it wasn't the right time for this; but his down stairs brain was more than ready for the prospect of naked fun. He eats a couple more pieces before going to go shower off his work day.

When he gets back out, dressed in his sleep pants, he pleased to see that Castiel had finished the rest of the food. "You're eating again."

"I enjoy pizza," he shrugs it off.

"I guess, so," Dean plays along, as he sits next to Cas on the sofa. "How's the library?"

"Still standing," Cas deadpans.

"Good to know," he smirks as he rests his head against Cas's shoulder, still a little cautious.

Castiel draping his arm over Dean's broad shoulders, his thumb idly drawing circles on his arm. "I want to thank you, Dean," he informs him solemnly.

"For what?" Dean looks up at him.

"For caring," Cas rumbles "I apologize that I've been difficult lately," he adds.

"Don't sweat it," he pats Cas's thigh as Castiel kisses his head.

The two boys stay up for a few more hours, until they decide to head off to bed. Shutting everything off and doing their normal night routine before slipping under the covers. They lay facing each other, their bodies just a few inches apart. As Cas surges forward to bring their lips together, Dean's relieved that the kiss is still demanding and dominating as ever; but it's a lot more tentative than normal. He wonders if it's a precursor to how different tonight might be if they actually go through with it.

Cas pulls back, his hand on Dean's chest, "You're doing it again," he looks at him meaningfully.

"What?" Dean asks, wanting to keep kissing him.

"Holding back," he clarifies, "I want you Dean, you aren't going to break me," he states, his voice gravelly.

Dean inhales at Castiel's words, as he nods. "Just don't feel obligated."

"I won't," Cas growls, as he leans back in to kiss Dean as he slide his hand down Dean's bare chest.

Castiel teases the flesh at Dean's waistband, as he sucks on the man's neck. Dean all ready getting hard at the attention, glad that some things hadn't changed. After a beat Dean rolls them, so he's straddling Cas's hips. He leans down kissing him urgently, kissing down Castiel's chest. Dean was still holding back just a bit, not wanting to go full force until he was positive Cas was 100%.

Dean laved at the hallow at Cas's clavicle as he continued the descent downward, sucking on each nipple in turn.

"Shit," Cas hissed, encouraging Dean as his hand slipped into Cas's pants to stroke his cock.

He gets a few strokes in as Cas squirms under him, a litany of curses and breathes coming from his parted lips.

"Dean," he rasps, thrusting his hips up as he grips Dean's hip.

Dean kisses him as he pulls away to remove his pants, freeing Cas's cock from the cloth confines. Castiel watches intently as Dean slicks his own fingers to prep himself as quickly as he can, stroking Cas's cock in time.

"You read?" he asks, positioning himself over Cas.

"God yes," he gets out, Dean leaning over to hungrily bring their lips together while sinking onto Cas's cock. Castiel breaking the kiss as he throws his head back, "Fuck!"

Dean fists his hand in Cas's hair somewhat soothingly as he starts to move up and down and back and forth, grunting at the effort as the sweat starts to accumulate upon their skin. Castiel's gripping him with bruising force, one on Dean's shoulder and the other on his thigh. The two moving steadily until the need is too great.

"Fuck, Fuck! Oh, God…Dean!" Cas thrusts wildly, digging his nails into Dean's pliant flesh before he cums forcefully. His eyes closed, his head thrown back allowing Dean to nibble on his pulse point.

He slips from Dean still panting as he strokes him quickly and skillfully, Dean cumming on Cas's tattooed chest.

"Damn, I missed that," Dean exhales as the orgasm leaves him; he kisses Cas passionately, flopping back to his side of the bed.

"That was," Cas breathes in awe.

"Ya," Dean agrees, grabbing the first pair of pants he finds to wipe the cum off Cas's stomach and chest. "You're a lot more verbal now," he jokes, Cas swatting him lazily.

"I'm a lot more everything, now…"

The two of them lay there in the afterglow; their shallow breathing the only noise in the room as it slowly evens back to normal.

Castiel place his head on Dean's chest as they snuggle in for the night, "I never realized," he whispered softly against the cooling flesh.

Dean just smiles softly as he kisses Cas's hair, the two men drifting off to sleep.

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	43. Find us

AN: So... next Chapter some "fun" family holiday stuff! (and Sammy of course, which Dean and him are still hanging out when they can during the week. in case you where wondering...) Also, just wait till you see what Jo gets Cas for his birthday! ;D

Thanks!

Happy Trails!

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><p>As November pressed on, Cas was mellowing out and the medication seemed to be working. He was however chain smoking twice as much, but it was better than doing other drugs. The weekly therapy sessions, while beneficial, still took their toll on Cas. Dean didn't like it, every Friday after his meeting with Dr. Visyak Cas was withdrawn again. It was an unpleasant start to their weekends together and he hated seeing the man so despondent.<p>

It was like whatever they talked about during the secessions would revert Castiel back to the way he was before, even though it only lasted the day. The whole thing drove Dean crazy, he wanted desperately to know why or what was going on with Cas on those Fridays; but by the time he worked up the courage to do so, Castiel was acting normal again.

Dean decided not to dwell on it; one day of distance was nothing when he had a week of regular Castiel. Sober Cas was even more of a force to be reckoned with; he still loved his sleep, was fairly stoic and his sense of humor hadn't changed, but he was so much more active and everything held a new sense of wonder for him; Dean having to reel him in on occasion when the quest for the next sensation was getting a little too drastic. The two men were enjoying breakfast at the counter of the 50's diner, which was their favorite place to go; not just because smoking was still allowed.

"Sky diving, Cas?" Dean asks him skeptically, trying to keep the fear out of his voice. Castiel didn't know anything about his little phobia, not because it was a secret, it just hadn't come up.

"It's a lot like flying," Cas informs him as Dean pales at that comparison. "The plane takes you up and you jump out," he shrugs nonchalantly.

"No," he corrects, "It's a lot like falling… and praying a piece of fabric stops you from going splat!" He slaps his hand on the counter earning looks from patrons and waitresses.

Castiel studies him, "Why are you so nervous?" he narrows his eyes.

"Am, not," Dean turns away from him to get the waitresses attention so he could get more coffee.

"Dean."

He sighs, turning back to Cas, "Fine I don't like flying all right," he snaps. "So you're either doing that alone or we can Thelma and Louise off a cliff in the Impala!" He informs him humorously, "Both have similar out comes."

"I…" He starts, Dean cutting him off.

"I know you don't get the reference."

Cas smirks, "It's safer then you think," he offers, falling silent for a beat. "How will we ever go to other countries?"

"I'll drive you to Canada," Dean informs him bluntly.

"That's hardly exotic."

"Fine, Mexico then! That exotic enough for you?" He glares.

Castiel just gives him a look that seems to say 'hardly', Dean rolling his eyes as he takes a sip of his coffee.

"If we can't drive there we aren't going," Dean tells him flat out.

"We'll see," Cas hums cryptically, placing his hand on Dean's thigh as he looks in the other direction, sipping his coffee.

"That's not going to work," he says quietly, giving Cas a knowing look.

"I don't know what you are talking about," Cas deadpans, patting Dean's thigh before removing his hand as the food is brought to them.

"So…" Dean starts when they're half-way through their meal. "What do you and Gabe usually do for Thanksgiving?"

Cas looks at him, blinking for a second as he considers the question, "Gabe would make sweet potatoes, with an obscene amount of marshmallows…"

"Not surprising," Dean chuckles sipping his beverage.

"Then we'd eat turkey sandwiches and watch some holiday shows," he shrugged.

"Like lunch meat turkey?" He asks, smiling.

"Yes."

"Ok then," Dean smirks finding it a little funny, "Well mom wants us to come to Thanksgiving at Ellen's." He tells the other man, "It's kind of a tradition, Jo will be there and my family and Bobby."

"I see," Cas nods solemnly.

"Gabe is invited too," he offers, knowing he'll probably end up regretting it if the little man actually comes.

"He seems to be fairly fond of Jo," Castiel muses.

"That ain't happening," Dean snaps, not wanting Jo to get mixed up with the candy man. "Family get togethers would be hell."

Cas pictures it before smiling a little, "That's understandable." He steels a strip of bacon off Dean's plate munching it thoughtfully, "I'll call him later."

Later on that day, Dean calls his mom and Cas calls Gabriel to invite him to Thanksgiving. He agrees, of course, Castiel giving him strict orders to bring the sweet potatoes and to keep it in his pants were Jo's concerned. Dean lets Mary know that Gabe is coming and what he offered to bring, finding out that she's making pies and lamely offers to bring stuff as well. Which is great in theory, but he had no clue what Cas and him could contribute to the dinner.

After he hangs up he joins Cas on the couch sighing heavily as he hits the cushion. "We have to bring something for thanksgiving," he wines.

"Like what?" Cas asks, his hand soothingly at the nape of Dean's neck.

"No clue, all the good stuff's taken… Mom's got pies, your bro's got sweet potatoes, Ellen's got turkey and we have jack shit!"

"That doesn't sound pleasant."

Dean chuckles a bit, "Nope."

"We could bring rolls," Cas offers.

"Like bread rolls?"

"Yes, bread rolls, Dean." Cas looks at him like there isn't any other kind.

"I guess," he huffs, "But it's not really cool."

"You are odd," he deadpans, his hand playfully squeezing Dean's neck.

"Ya, Ya," Dean admonishes, "So… your birthday is coming up…" he leads.

"Yes," Cas states without inflection.

"What do you want, old man?" He chuckles, "You're all ready a cougar so…"

"I'm barely two months older than you, Dean."

"Cradle robber" Dean fake coughs, earning him a swat on the head. "Hey now, violence is not the answer," he chides.

"You like it rough," Cas looks at him darkly.

A shiver going through Dean as he lean in to kiss Castiel briefly, "You going to tell me what you want? Or am I going to have to beat it out of you?" Dean asks in a sultry tone.

"I'm sure I'll enjoy, whatever you get me."

"Hmm," he thinks, nuzzling Cas's neck.

The day before Thanksgiving, Castiel finds a recipe for dinner rolls and spends the day making them. It's a harder task then he thought, considering counter space was limited and the kitchen table was still on its side on the floor; both men refusing to deal with it. He makes three batches in total, Dean trying one from the first batch.

"These are likes rocks, Cas!" Dean spits it out in the sink, checking that he didn't chip a tooth.

"I've never made them before," Cas informs him tossing one of the rock hard rolls at the back of Dean's head.

"Oww! What the fuck!" He turns, holding his head to glare at the dark haired man.

"Try the other batches," Cas orders, his hands on his hips as he holds the oven mitts.

Dean does as he's told, lest he get hit with a deadly projectile again, "These are pretty decent."

"Good," he sighs with relief,

"Grant it, I don't know how edible they really are," he smirks, sometimes he just liked to poke the bear.

"I believe," Cas looks at him icily, "It's the thought that counts."

"That only works for Christmas presents, babe."

"I will hit you again, Dean Winchester!" Cas threatens him as he holds one of the burnt rolls.

"Ya, right!" Dean challenges, not knowing when to keep his big mouth shut as the roll hits him square in the face. "Son of a bitch," he holds his nose, checking for blood before he rounds on Cas, "That's it, you're dead!"

Dean grabs some 'bread rocks' as he launches after Castiel, Cas running from the kitchen as he tosses the oven mitts at Dean to try and stop him. One of Dean's throws hits Cas right between the shoulder blades.

"Fuck!" Cas swears shifting his shoulder blades, as he sprints to the closed bedroom door, Dean lunging at him after the second projectile misses the target.

He knocks Cas to the ground in the door way to the bedroom; Dean pins him into place, straddling his hips while he locks Castiel's arms above his head on the floor. The pair breathing slightly heavily at the excursion, glaring at each other as Dean smirks in victory.

"I win!" He huffs.

"If that's the case, you get to clean up the kitchen." Cas breathes out.

"What? Why?" Dean looks down at him.

"That's your prize." He states, "Now let me go."

Dean just narrows his eyes at the man under him, bringing their lips together teasingly.

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><p>:)Reviews(: are VERY helpful!<p> 


	44. To guide us

Thanksgiving Day rolled around and as usual they were running late. Cas had gotten up early to watch the parade which was apparently some sort of tradition, as was falling asleep half way through. Dean bolting a wake an hour before they had to be at Ellen's and shouting for Cas to get ready now.

They end up showering together just to save time, throwing on their nicer clothes. Dean wearing his best dark blue jeans and green button down over his olive t-shirt, while Cas where's his navy suite vest and stripped shirt with his straight jeans; which is one of Dean's favorite outfits on him. Cas grabs the rolls as Dean quickly gets Castiel's pea coat, because he knew he'd forget it otherwise. Most of the time Cas was oblivious to normal things like the weather and temperature outside.

Dean knocks on the door to the road house, making it just in time to skip out on a lecture about punctuality. Plus he was pretty sure Bobby wasn't even there yet and Gabe was always late, so they where golden. Jo opened the door and ambushed them both into a bone crushing hug.

"Bout time, we thought you'd be late." Jo informs them as she ushers them across the threshold. "There was a pool going and everything."

"Gabriel will be late," Cas informs her, "So I'd put my money on that."

"I'm so glad that he's coming," she smiles.

"Jo," Dean warns her.

"Relax, Dean!" Jo rolls her eyes, locking arms with Cas conspiratorially as she drags them to where everyone else is.

They greet everyone, Cas still extremely awkward when it came to the whole hugging thing. Dean's dad just nodding from his stool as he watches the football game like it could tell him the secrets of the universe.

"Thank you so much for bringing rolls," Ellen smiles at them.

"Cas made 'em," Dean claps Cas on the back.

"Well I'm sure they'll be great. Now if that old dog, Bobby ever decides to show up." She rants.

"He's on his way, Ellen." Mary placates her, "Want me to check on the turkey?" she offers.

"Thanks, Mar, but I'll go." She sighs patting Mary's arm heading off to the kitchen.

"You two look so handsome," Mary smiles at them, running her hand motherly through Cas's hair, "I think it's time for another haircut."

"Probably," Cas smirks.

They all chat for a while longer, until Bobby finally shows up with Gabe not too far behind; Jo and Gabe instantly sliding up to one another, which made Dean very uneasy.

"Hey Dean-o!" Gabe greets after being introduced to everyone.

"Where's the table you owe me?" Dean wonders sternly.

"I don't know what you're talking about," He smirks mischievously.

"Sure you don't," He walks the way from the man to go see if they need any help with the food.

Everything is set and ready by 4 and the sit down at the long table, Ellen and Jo had set up. They all eat heartily as they jovial talk with one another. Sam starts on the subject of what he's going to do once he graduates, due to the Gabe's questioning.

"I want to be a lawyer."

"Impressive, little dude," Gabe nods at him, "Why a lawyer?"

"I dunno," Sam shrugs pushing food around his plate, "I just like arguing I guess."

"That's for sure," John beams at him, "Stubborn as shit, wants to go to Stanford, isn't that right?"

"Yeah, dad," he nods, "They have a good program," he informs the table.

"That sounds great, hun," Ellen tells him as she passes the mashed potatoes.

Dean watches his dad in disbelief and what might just be a pang of jealousy, when he was Sam's age his dad never even asked him what he wanted to do when he graduated. It was like he never had the option to go off to school; his path at his dad's business was laid out for him. Even if he had the grades or was good enough to be scouted for baseball, it didn't affect anything. Grant it he never wanted to go to school and he loved fixing cars, but it just didn't seem fair.

"Whatever you want to do or be, sweetie, we'll be proud," Mary adds. "Isn't that right, Dean?"

Dean snaps out of his reverie, Cas watching him intently, "Yeah," he nods as spite creeps into him. "Mom is very support," he tells Sam, looking at John poignantly.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean, son?" John snaps at him.

"The taters are really good, El," Bobby interjects awkwardly as Dean and John glare at one another.

"What do you think?" Dean challenges, as they ignore Bobby's comment.

John's about to fly off the handle when Mary saves the day, postponing the would be argument. "Who wants pie?" She stands going to the kitchen to fetch them.

Dean feels Castiel's hand on his leg as he looks back at his boyfriend.

"Dean?" He questions, trying to figure out what's wrong, "I'm going to go smoke, want to come with?"

"Ya," he nods rising with him, "We'll be right back," Dean tells the table. "Don't let Gabe eat all the pie."

Jo starts giggling as Gabriel fakes shock, "I would never," he lies.

Once outside, Cas quickly lights a cigarette relishing in the exhale. "What was that about Dean?"

"My dad's just full of shit, that's all," he shrugs pacing as Cas watches him.

"Care to elaborate?"

"I know it's stupid," Dean sighs, "Cuz Sam's the baby and all, but Dad's never beamed like for anything I've done… let alone future plans."

"Perhaps he's trying to make up for his mistakes?"

"Who knows!"

"You shouldn't be so hard on him, he's only human," Cas tells him solemnly.

Dean's about to scoff at that and continue with his tirade when he realizes how this might be an unfair subject to Cas. "I'm sorry, Cas."

Castiel looks out over the horizon as he continues to smoke, "It's all right Dean," he assures him, "Don't rush to judgment with your father, there are things you probably don't know." He informs him quietly as he drops the butt of his cigarette to crush it out under his shoe, as he heads back inside.

Dean felt like an ass, it was Thanksgiving and he was acting like a selfish baby; plus he was missing pie. He decided to give his dad a break, since it was the holiday and all, he went back inside to get himself some pie. When he gets back Mary and Ellen are chatting at the table, Sam, Bobby, and John watching the game while Cas, Gabe and Jo play pool; everyone either still eating pie or finished with it.

He grabs a slice of apple and goes to have a word with his dad.

"Hey there Sammy," Dean prods as he saddles up to the bar.

"Sup, Dean." He smiles.

"Who's winning?"

"Um, the blue and white guys," he offers lamely.

John sighing audibly, "The Colts," he grunts.

Dean smirking as Sam just rolls his eyes, not caring, "Right, dad."

"I'm gunna go see if Ellen needs help cleaning up," Bobby coughs taking his beer and wandering off.

"Why don't you run and get me another beer?" John asks Sam, so he can talk to Dean privately.

"Fine, I get it," Sam sighs, knowing he's being sent away, "I'm going to go play pool."

"Hey dad," Dean sits on the stool next to him, "sorry."

John just nods gruffly, an awkward tone falling over the, "How's that um, boy?" He hedges still watching the game.

"Castiel," He informs him tersely, "Is doing good."

"It's been about six months," John begins.

"Ya…" Dean looks at him suspiciously.

"Jo's sure grown up."

"I guess," he looks at his dad in confusion, "What are you getting at?"

"Nothing," John replies innocently, before shrugging, "Just, you know, people might start thinking you're serious about this."

Dean's eyes narrow in realization, "I am serious about 'this', Dad." He snaps, "You know I try to give you the benefit of the doubt, but every time you just prove me right." He shakes his head.

"I've been understanding here, Dean." His dad informs him sternly, "But this phase or F.U. to your old man has to end sometime."

Dean bites his lip, "Cas is not a phase dad, but I wouldn't expect you to see that. You where always too busy to ask me about my wants or dreams and your head is so far up your ass that you can't even tell that I'm truly happy here!"

John just sits there frowning, Dean not even sure if he's been listening.

"God… I looked up to you Dad, I followed you're footsteps." Dean breathes, "But whatever, I don't care anymore, Sammy can be the golden boy and you'll just be the man who tried to be understanding." He grabs his pie, storming across the room to the pool table and ignoring the looks form his mom. John starring after him in mild confusion as Mary gives him a death glare.

Jo and Gabe are playing while Sammy sits on the stool waiting for his turn, Cas sitting lethargically on the sofa watching. Dean sits down next to the boy resting his head on his shoulder eating the pie, Cas placing his arm over Dean and kissing his temple making Dean feel better instantly. For the first time in his life, Dean can't finish his pie and offers a bite to Castiel; holding up the fork for him to eat it.

It was another wonderful Thanksgiving, he thought to himself, but at least there wasn't any bloodshed this year.

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	45. Tried hard

AN: I might be running out of lyrics for chapter titles... what ev,

Thank you all you lovely people! -heart-

ENJOY

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><p>At the dinner the two boys found out just what Jo and Gabe did to that Chasta bitch. Apparently there were some mildly pornographic phone calls, texts and emails. The two trouble makers also spray painted 'If you like being drugged Call Chasta' in big letters on her garage door, along with her phone number. Jo originally wanted to tattoo that on the women's forehead, but figured it would be too risky.<p>

Dean was avoiding the dad issue, he hadn't been answering any of the calls from his mom because he knew that was the reason she was calling. Plus he had Cas's birthday to try and plan for, they where both working on the day so Dean had to figure how to get things done without him knowing. He decides to enlist Jo to help, he figures he can get Cas's present on Monday since he's off and Cas will be at work.

Once that's done, he can safely hide it for a day. Then on the 30th he'll get the cake and pizza after he gets off work, Jo picking up Cas from work and taking him somewhere for an hour or so. He invited Gabe too, mostly out of obligation, but when Jo was around he was a lot easier to deal with. Dean all ready invited Gabe, he just needs to call Jo to work things out.

"Yup?" She answers.

"Hey Jo, it's Dean…Um, I need you to do me a favor before Cas's thing on Wednesday."

"All right," Jo agrees, "What do you need?"

"Can you pick up Cas from work at 4? I have to pick up the stuff for his surprise, so if you could…I dunno… take him somewhere for a bit, that would be great."

"Hmm…" She ponders aloud, "Ya, I guess I could do babysitting duty," Jo jokes, "I have things he can tag along with for, what time will you need us back?"

"Like 6:30 or 7, would be great."

"KK, I'll text him and set it up."

"Thanks Jo, you're the best!"

"Psh, don't I know it!" She scoffs.

With that taken care of Dean just needed to get figure out what to get Cas, but he'll figure that out on Monday. He heads out back into the apartment, having made the call from the balcony so Cas wouldn't here.

"Do you mind if I go out with Jo on Wednesday, we'll be back at 6:30 or so," Castiel asks him, Jo clearly all ready having texted him.

"That's fine, I probably have to work late anyway," he shrugs playing it off.

"Very well," Texts his reply to Jo.

Dean pulls Cas towards him by his hips, "Birthday sex that night," he promises.

Cas cobalt eyes boring into his own, "Any where I want?" He asks huskily as Dean just nods.

"It's your birthday."

It was that conversation that led Dean to the sex shop on Monday. He wasn't sure what he wanted to get, but he knew this was the place to go. Dean browsed the various curiosities, glad that those two geeks weren't working. Instead there was a busty strawberry blonde behind the counter, who was definitely undressing him with her eyes, poor girl.

After much debating he ended picking out a super bending guy on guy Kama sutra book and, as a joke, a priest porno. He was a little apprehensive about that one, but if Cas didn't get the joke he could return it. The chick at the counter was totally checking him out as he approached the counter, Dean smirking to himself as he tossed down the items.

The girl glancing at the items, frowning slightly, "These for a friend?" she asks hopefully.

"You could say that," he winks at her in harmless flirtation as she completes his transaction.

"Have a great day," She smiles knowingly, "Keep warm out ther."

"Thanks," Dean nods as he grabs the receipt, seeing that she wrote her number on it with the message: If you and your "friend" wanta stir the pot, call me ;D.

He had to hand it to her, she was sneak and had some balls for being so forward. Plus it could be worth trying, Cas had mentioned they give a three-some a go. Dean pocketed the receipt and headed home, he tied the items together and stuck a bow on top; looking around for a clever place to hide it. Eventually it hit to hide it where any self respecting teenage boy hid their porn, under the bed. It wasn't like Cas was the princess and the pea or anything and he certainly wasn't giving him the present in front of the peanut gallery.

Tuesday dragged on with the anticipation of Wednesday's planning, until finally it was the day. The alarm goes off and Dean kisses Cas's neck and chest to wake him up.

"Dean?" Cas grumbles as he blinks into consciousness.

"Happy Birthday babe," Dean smiles down at him, before he presses their lips together.

"I wish I didn't have to work."

"Me too," he agrees, kissing him again. "Just think of all the fun we'll have later!" Dean thumbs Cas's nipple causing him to groan.

"You are a tease," Cas glares at him, because they both know there's no time for that.

"You love it," he smirks, getting up. "Now move it birthday boy or we're gunna be late."

Dean toils away at work, his head phones on so it's easier to keep ignoring his father's presence. He was avoiding, but he wasn't ready yet and wanted to talk to his mom first. The day ticked by and he texted Jo to make sure she was still keeping up her end of the bargain. Finally it was five, which left him about an hour and half to pick up the stuff, order pizza and shower.

Gabe showed up right before Dean was about to order the pizza, and handed the man the phone. "It's dialing, order the pizza's I gotta shower," he orders him, "One better be Hawaiian," Dean warns as he goes off to the bathroom.

"Yes master!" Gabe calls after him in an Igor type voice.

When he gets back out of the shower, clean and dressed he heads to the kitchen to see the old table missing and a new one in its place with the largest bow in history on top; Gabriel smirking at Dean's shock as he sips a beer from the counter.

"Ya think Cassy will like it?" He asks.

Dean swallows his surprise, not wanting Gabe to get the upper hand or anything, "Bout damn time."

"Whatever, Bitchchester!" Gabriel sighs, "I ordered the pizza and Jo texted saying they're on their way."

"Great," Dean nods snaking one of the beers the other man brought as they stand awkwardly in weight in the kitchen.

6:30 on the dot, Cas and Jo burst through the door. Dean's a little surprise to see Cas in his normal clothes, but figured he must of brought them to hang with Jo.

"Surprise!" Dean and Gabe say in unison.

"Happy birthday baby bro!" Gabe claps him on the back.

"This was all a ruse?" Cas asks blankly.

"Mostly," Jo shrugs, "I did need your help though, that was legit." She smiles.

"Thank you," he tells them, Dean throwing his arm around his shoulders to give him a squeeze.

"Pizza should be here soon and there's cake," Dean says, "Oh and check out your present from Gabe!" They step aside revealing the table as Jo and Cas shrug off their coats.

"It only took a month," Cas deadpans.

"Ya, ya," Gabe gripes, "You're welcome!"

"So where'd you guys go?" Dean asks Jo.

"Ta-da!" She smiles turning her head to the side to reveal a freshly pierced stud in her nose.

"You got your nose pierced?" He asks.

"That's hot," Gabe interjects.

"Uh huh," Jo nods, "And why didn't you tell me Cas here was such a shirtless stud?" She jokes.

"What?" Dean looks at her as Jo pulls up Cas's v neck shirt to show off his tattooed and scarred flesh. He green eyes scan over the familiar territory, pausing on Castiel's left nipple. "You got your nipple pierced." He states in surprise.

Cas pulling his shirt down, glaring at Jo, "It was a birthday present," he states, "And it hurt more than I had anticipated."

"Ya," Jo interjects, "He totally bitched out the poor girl, I thought she was going to cry." She chuckles, "And she gave him a coupon for next time."

"I told you to keep him occupied not stick holes in him." Dean scolds her, even though it was kind of a turn on.

"It was better than the alternative," she insinuates, her eyes glancing down meaningfully before looking back at Dean as his eyes widen in horror.

"You didn't," Dean looks at Cas.

"That is something I don't ever want to know about happening," Gabe states in repulsion as Castiel whisper to Dean, "The down side is titty twisters are gunna be a lot more dangerous now." He fakes like he's going to go for it.

Cas turns away, "Gabe," he warns, not deterring his brother, "You touch it and I will end you."

"Touchy," Gabriel rolls his eyes, baking away, "Can we have cake now?"

"They do tats too," Jo adds helpfully. "And I had to get him a present, Dean," she shrugs, "It was there and he wanted it."

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	46. Remember

Thanks!

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><p>Later that night, Cas is in the bathroom taking care of his new piercing. Dean leaving Gabe and Jo on the couch as they continue watching the movie, he slips into the bathroom and closes the door behind him.<p>

"It is pretty hot," Dean nods, leaning against the door appraising the shirtless man.

"It's an odd sensation," Cas states, turning towards him. "Though it is probably better than the alternative," He steps into Dean's personal space.

"I'm kinda glad you didn't go through with that," he admits softly, running his fingers along Cas's waistband.

"It is supposed to be very pleasurable," he insinuates as he presses his hips to Dean's, his eyes darkening.

"Is that right?" Dean swallows.

"Mhmm," Cas hums, their faces inches apart, "Maybe you could use the coupon." He offers, as he closes the distance, for a searing kiss; his hand stroking Dean through his pants.

There's a loud pounding on the door that startles them, "You guys either finish up or just let me in because I gotta pee! It's an emergency!" Gabe whines.

Cas rests his head in exasperation on Dean's shoulder his hand on the door, "Damn it," he curses under his breath.

Dean just smirks, bringing Castiel's face back up and kissing him again slowly, "Later," he winks as they break apart.

Cas nodding at him, "You better not pee on my floor," he calls through the door as Dean moves so they can slip out. Cas grabbing his shirt and shrugging it back on, Gabriel rushing in as soon as the doors open.

"God about time," he whines, Dean barley closing the door before Gabe started to relieve himself.

Dean stops Cas before he rounds the corner so they remain hidden as he pulls him against his chest, kissing his neck. "Don't forget," he whispers heatedly, "Any where you want tonight," he runs his tongue along Cas's ear causing a small groan to escape as he ever so gently brushes the new piercing, Castiel sucking in a breath.

"Dean," Cas whispers his tone needy, as his head tilts back on Dean's shoulder his hand at the back of Dean's head.

"Later babe," he somehow gets out, because god does he want Cas so bad right now, but he still had enough wits to know there where people in the apartment; though if they didn't break apart soon, he would probably forget.

He places another soft kiss to Castiel's pulse point as they step way from one another to rejoin Jo. She's sitting on the middle of couch and Dean and Cas sit on either side of her, casting furtive glances over her head as the movie continues. Cas lights up, his fingers anxiously drumming on the arm of the sofa.

"Hate to kill the party, since I'm the life of it and all!" Gabe appears, zipping up his fly, "But I gotta skedaddle, work tomorrow and all." He sticks out his tongue as he does a thumbs down gesture.

"I probably should head out too," Jo informs them, "Lest you guys start going at right on top of me, which wouldn't be so bad." She smirks standing up, Gabe helping her into her coat, "The sexual tension between those two," She says aside, shaking her head.

"Right," Gabriel agrees, "We'll see ourselves out," he adds, as the go off to the door.

"Happy birthday, Cas," Jo winks as he thanks them for coming.

"I'm taking some of the ice cream cake," Gabe calls from the kitchen.

"You better not take it all!" Dean shouts, getting no response as the front door slams shut.

Cas and Dean star at each other for a beat, Cas putting out his cigarette before they collide with one another; lips meeting in a demanding gnashing fight.

"I thought they'd never leave," Cas gets out.

Dean nods kissing him again, before gently pushing him away. "I got you a present," he gets up jogging to go get it. He hands it to Cas, who eyes it suspiciously before taking the bow off and flipping through the book.

"Kinky," Cas deadpans as he looks at one of the positions in the book and smirks at the porno. "We'll watch that later," he informs Dean, moving toward him to press a kiss to his lips, "Thank you."

"Happy birthday."

Cas's eyes narrow in contemplation before he takes Dean by the wrist and leads him to the kitchen, "Anywhere?" he questions his voice pitched low with desire.

"Ya," Dean nods, thumbing Cas's hips as the stand in the kitchen.

Without warning Castiel back Dean against the edge of the new table as he kisses him urgently, sliding his hand under Dean's shirt and grabbing the hem. He lifts it up and over Dean's head so that his arms are still in the shirt, but his chest is exposed. Cas pulls back briefly as he fully removes his own shirt, his slender fingers tweaking Dean's nipples as he sucks on his neck. Dean's thigh providing friction between Cas's legs as he fists his hand into Cas's dark hair.

"Let's see how sturdy this table really is," Cas whisper darkly, nibbling Dean's ear as he undoes his pants.

He roughly pulls Dean's jeans and boxers down, so they are around his ankles. Leaving him completely exposed and hard, Dean's hands roaming over Castiel's back and under the waist band of his jeans. He forcefully pulls Dean's head back, exposing the expanse of his neck, nipping and sucking along his adams apple. Then just as quick and rough as before he turns Dean, bending him over the table as a surprised gasp escapes Dean's lips.

Dean braces himself with his hands gripping either side of the table as Castiel teasingly runs his hand down the curve of Dean's back and ass. He toys with him for a beat, till Dean is keening with need.

"Damn it, Cas!" Dean pants.

Cas smirks to himself as he pulls out his cock, stroking it before he thrusts in to Dean.

"God," Cas breathes, pausing briefly before he moves, thrusting back and forth hard and fact, the sound of flesh meeting flesh and the clank of Dean's belt filling the room. Holding onto the shirt around Dean's upper back and using it as leverage as Cas pounds the other man.

"Ah," Dean groans with each thrust, "Shit…ya…Fuck me!"

Castiel grunting at the excursion as he sets the unrelenting pace, slipping almost all the way out before ramming back in. Dean white knuckling the table as it rocks slightly from the force.

"Cas," He moans, as he draws close to the edge, Castiel's hand tightening at Dean's hip bruising.

"Don't even," He rasps in warning, "Not fucking before me," he grunts in his low timbre.

"Oh, god," Dean sighs, gripping the table tighter as he squeezes his eyes shut in the effort to obey.

"Oh…Dean…Shit, shit…Dean…You're…" Cas grits out. His hands on Dean's side tightening , the other fisted in Dean's hair and forcing the side of his face against the table; as he throws his head back cumming forcefully, "God… Dean!" Dean milks the orgasm for the other man, as he follows over the edge and spills over the new table.

At that moment, Gabe burst through the front door, which they forgot to lock as they freeze in surprise. He was apparently looking for something he had forgotten, but at the sight that greets him he covers his eyes and screams before slamming the door again.

"The new table…you hypocrites!" They hear him shout on the other side of the door as he stomps away.

"Happy Birthday, Cas," Dean pants out as they both chuckle with effort.

They fall silent for a beat; Cas resting his head against Dean's back pressing a kiss to his flesh before pulling away.

"We just scared my brother," he pulls his pants back around his hips as Dean slides off the table, leaning against it before he does the same.

"He had it coming," Dean smirks at him, tweaking Cas's still sensitive, un-pierced nipple playfully. "That'll teach him to knock."

"He never learns," Cas breathes, his chest still rising and falling rapidly as he goes to lock the front door.

"All right birthday boy, bed!" Dean instructs him.

"What if I object?" He challenges.

Dean glances at the clock on the stove, "You only have ten minutes left," he taunts, "Then I'm dragging you."

"Very well," Cas relents, lighting a cigarette as he leans against the door.

"That won't take you ten minutes, not at the rate you smoke."

"I am aware," he exhales, "I'm just going to prove that your threat is an empty one." He states coolly.

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	47. Fix this

AN: Shit will be going down soon... so steel your minds ;D

AND enjoy!

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><p>Mary had switched tactics, after a week of Dean not answering or returning his calls. She decided to call Castiel, it was unhealthy to avoid it and John and Dean could do it forever if left to it; plus she would be damned if Dean refused to come for Christmas this year.<p>

"Hello," A deep voice rumbled through the phone.

"Castiel," Mary greets, "I didn't wake you did I?" She worries.

Cas clears his throat, "No, Mary." He assures her politely, "How are you?"

"I'm all right," she tells him, "I'm sorry about having to resort to calling you."

"I understand," Cas informs her, "I imagine Dean is a lot more like his father than he would care to admit."

"You have no idea," Mary laughs gently, "They're both equally hard headed to boot."

"I apologize, but Dean's out."

"I just want to talk to him," She sighs, "They need to work this out, because I won't let it ruin this family."

"That's understandable," Cas agrees, "It's a important relationship," he says sadly.

"I just don't get how they can work together and just ignore."

"Avoiding is often easier," he replies sagely. "If you call again in a couple hours I will make sure he answers."

"That would greatly appreciated, Castiel!" Mary beams earnestly.

"I'll help any way I can," he informs her stoically.

A couple hours later Cas's phone rings and he answers, cryptically making sure he doesn't give away who it is on the other end.

"Here," he hands the phone to Dean who looks at him in puzzlement, "I'll be right back, just take this for me."

Dean sighs taking the phone as Cas heads toward the kitchen, "Hello?"

"Dean?" Mary's sweet voice comes through.

"Oh… hey mom," Dean looks around for his absent boyfriend, who he's going to make pay later, heading to the kitchen after him.

"Is it too much to ask for you to call your own mother?" She scolds gently, "I only gave birth to you."

"Sorry mom," he hedges awkwardly, "I've just been really busy and all," he looks around in confusion as the kitchen is void of the other man, as is the patio.

"Mhmm," she hums skeptically. "I gave your father a good talking to," Mary informs him.

"Oh," Dean leans against the kitchen counter, knowing Cas is probably hiding out on the roof.

"Yes and you just need to be patient with him, I know he hasn't always been the best father to you boys," She sighs, "But he does the best he can. You have to remember, Sweetie," She starts, "We were both very young when we had you and while we both made some mistakes, we learned from them."

"It still not fair," Dean states, "He thinks Cas is just a phase mom or that I'm doing it to piss him off."

"Oh sweetie," she consoles him, "Your father just can't see the forest for the trees."

They talk for a few more hours, Mary patching up both sides of Dean and John's argument without either party being directly involved. When they finally hang up, Dean's feeling a lot better; he still knows that he will have to kind of talk to his dad now at work. He's also no longer really mad at the little trick Cas and his mom played on him, he makes a mug of instant hot chocolate to bring up to the roof grabbing his jacket. Realizing that Cas had left his coat on the kitchen chair, he grabbed it and rushed out on to the balcony; somehow climbing up without spilling the hot drink or falling down.

Cas is sitting there smoking what seems like his second pack, just since he got up there. His back to Dean as he rests his elbows on his bent knees, looking out at the brisk night as the sun sets over the horizon. Dean drops the coat on Cas's head as he drops down to sit beside him.

"You forget it's cold out now?" Dean asks, Cas pulling the clothing off his head messing up his hair even more.

"It wasn't of import," he states blankly, putting on the coat as Dean hands him the mug. "Everything all right?"

"Ya, I guess," he shrugs, "For now anyway."

"Hmm," Cas nods, around his cigarette.

"Thanks," Dean offers awkwardly, Cas just giving him a knowing smile as he brushes the dark hair of Castiel's forehead. "You're an ice cube, babe," he places his hand on Cas worriedly before putting his arm around him.

"The cold is pleasant," he blinks as he sips the hot chocolate.

"Won't be if you get sick, again."

"True, I suppose… It's amazing how the light changes depending on the season." Cas looks out at the darkening sky streaked with cool pinks, purples and blues.

"Yeah," Dean nods quietly, as he starts to get a little chilled just from the short time outside. "It's getting cold as balls though."

Cas smirks at him, chuckling slightly, "Anyone ever tell you how articulate you are?" He asks sarcastically.

"I don't think so."

"That's not surprising," He stands up stiffly, offering Dean his frozen hand so they could head back to the warmth.

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	48. Tis the season

AN: Ask and you shall receive! Thanks for all the lovely reviews! (*Wouldn't it be crazy if, like when you're a different time zone you might be like a day ahead, but instead where months a head!*) Merry Christmas from the other demention ;D

Enjoy!

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><p>As December continues on Dean calls up Sammy to set up there next hang out time and see if he'd like to him to take him Christmas shopping. Dean had no clue what he was going to get for anyone and Sam was pretty good at reading people and finding stuff they like. Cas had all ready finished, all the presents neatly wrapped under the tree, it was the first Christmas in a long time that Castiel was actually looking forward to.<p>

"What's mom getting Cas?" Dean asks Sam as they amble through the department store at the mall.

Dean couldn't help but wonder when Sam started getting so big he was only like 14 going on 15 and he seemed to be quickly approaching Dean's height. He was going to have giant younger brother, stupid food hormones.

"Um… I think a sweater vest," Sam states, picking up a snow globe and shaking it.

"Damn, that's what I was thinking of getting him."

"Doesn't he have a bunch all ready?" He asks as they move to the perfume counter.

"Yeah, he wears them for work…I have no clue what to get him," Dean whines as he sniffs a perfume that smells like essence of old lady. He debates spraying Sam with it, but doesn't want that following him around.

"What's he into?" Sam questions, "And don't say books, that's obvious."

"But still true," he adds, "I dunno, he likes yoga and smoking…he cooks, but I wouldn't say he likes it."

"Any other hobbies?"

"Jeez Sammy," Dean sighs, "I dunno, besides that and reading he doesn't really have any."

"What about art or something, he could try it out."

"That could work," he agrees contemplating it. "You going to get that Jess girl a gift?"

"I dunno," Sam blushes, "We'll see."

"I think you should, man." Dean tells him, "Strike while the irons hot and all."

"Ya," he agrees as they look through the jewelry. "Did you get dad anything?" Sam asks cautiously.

"Cas and I got him a subscription to an auto parts magazine," he shrugs.

"That's cool, I was going to get him a car calendar or something."

"Well that'd be inside the mall," Dean points.

"I still need to get mom something," Sam looks at him as they look at the jewelry in the case.

"If you want we can go in on something together," he offers, "Get her something pretty."

"That would be cool," he nods as they look through the glass displays.

They see it at the same time, it's a delicate necklace that says mom, it looks like it's spelled out with a single piece of rope and has little wings on either side. It's beautiful and simple and the brothers agree on it instantly. It ends up being about 30 dollars, Dean chipping in the twenty to Sam's ten. He knew Sam was using the money he had earned from mowing lawns and he didn't want it depleting just because of Christmas.

With Mary's present done and wrapped at the jewelry counter, they head out into the mall. Sam finding a classic car calendar for John at one of the kiosks. They peruse the art store, Dean buying Cas a sketch book and a journal just in case he likes one more than the other. Sam gets Cas a special pen to go along with them. They decide to goof around one of the oddities stores, the kind that's only open every so often because the owner travels to procure things.

"What do you want for Christmas, Dean?" Sam asks curiously, since he was the last on his list.

"I dunno, Sammy… whatever you get I'll love it," Dean looks at one of the shelves, seeing this silly looking horned head thing that he guessed was a necklace, "You could even get me that goofy thing and I'd never take it off." He promises chuckling, moving off to the other side of the store Sam smirking to himself as he looks at the amulet.

The finish up, grabbing a couple slurpee's on the way out as the mall starts to get more crowded. Piling their purchases and selves into the car, their shopping done for the season.

"You got any plans for new year's?" Dean asks as they drive away from the mall.

"Not yet," Sam shrugs.

"Well if you want hang out with a couple of old guys," he jokes, "and watch the ball drop, you can spend the night."

"Ya, that'd be fun."

"Jo and Gabe might be coming too," Dean adds.

"Sweet," Sam nods, "Are they like together?"

"God no," he glares, "At least I hope not."

"I dunno, they have fun together…"

"Sam, I'm trying to drive here," Dean warns, "You trying to make me sick?"

Sam just laughs at him, "They just spend a lot of time together, is all."

"So do fish and alligators… don't mean they're dating."

"You've been around Bobby way too much," he informs Dean.

"Don't I know it," Dean sighs, chuckling a little.

Christmas goes off without a hitch, Dean and John being very civil to one another; mostly for Mary's sake. John even thanks Cas for his gift, a little awkwardly, but it shows something. Cas had gotten Mary a beautiful antique bible, that he found at the library book sale. Mary on the verge of tears as she pulled him in for a bone crushing hug; the full on tears came when Sam and Dean gave her their present.

"It's beautiful," she sniffed as her eyes started to well up, "You boys are so sweet," she smiles sweetly at them. "John, help me put this on," She instructs.

The necklace suites her perfectly as she admires it, gathering both her children into a hug.

"You two are just so thoughtful; I'll never take it off," Mary promises tearfully.

As Sam predicted Mom, and dad by default, did in fact get Cas another sweater vest; this time it was green and buttoned down the front. Castiel liked the journal and Sam's pen; Dean saving the sketch book, which he wrapped in a new pair of handcuffs, for when they had Christmas at the apartment with Gabe. Cas having gotten Dean a new shirt for the band Kansas and Sam an old book about ancient ruins or something that he was super excited to read. To Dean's surprise Sam had actually bought that goofy amulet from oddity store.

"You promised to wear no matter what," Sam reminds him as his brother eyes it humorously.

"Yes I did," Dean nods slipping it over his neck, "Ta-da."

"It suites you," Cas tells him, smirking a little at the eclectic item.

Christmas at the Winchester's ended up being a lot better than Thanksgiving had been. Mary kept taking pictures throughout for documentation, passing the camera around occasionally. Everyone seemed to thoroughly enjoy all their gifts, even the stuff in their stockings the next day from 'Santa'; afterwards they all sat by the fire drinking eggnog and eating pie as the talked. Before long John was dozing with his head tilted on back on the couch with Mary, Sam was curled up on the chair closest to the fire and Dean was snoring soundly on Cas's shoulder; Mary and Castiel the only two still consciences in the warm glow of the room.

"Winchester trait, I'm afraid," Mary smiles at Cas.

"Seems so," he returns her smile, "Thank you, by the way, for everything," he tells her earnestly.

"You are very welcome sweetie," she tells him, "I'm glad you're here, Castiel," Mary tells him meaningfully.

Cas nods, "Me too," he states quietly looking at Dean before kissing the top of the sleeping man's head.

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><p>:)REVIEWS(: Are heeded!<p> 


	49. And these are things

AN: Again, crazyness will ensue shortly (like after Dean's birthday)... you've been warned

*bloop*

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><p>After Christmas with Gabe, who bought Dean table cleaner and Cas a sponge plus bars of soap each for their dirtiness, Castiel took to his new sketch book. He had forgotten how much he had enjoyed drawing when he didn't have to do it for school requirements and wasn't too numb to care about it. He was good too, based on the few sketches he allowed Dean to see.<p>

On New Year's Eve, Dean finds Cas curled up on the balcony chair drawing idly in the morning sun. Smoke appearing every time he exhales due to the weather and the cigarettes between the fingers of his less dominate hand; he watches as Cas pauses looking out at the horizon as he brings the tobacco stick to his lips.

He at least had his coat on this time, but it was still frigid in the early morning hours. Dean raps on the glass, still dressed in his tee shirt and boxers as he sips his coffee. Cas's knowing blue eyes turning their attention to him, as he smiles gently.

"Aren't you cold?" He mouths through the glass mimicking a shiver.

"No," Cas shakes his head, Dean noticing the slight tremble in his fingers.

He slides the door open a crack to peak out a bit, "How long have you been out here babe?"

Castiel sighs tiredly, like he's above such mortal things, "I can't recall."

"Cas," Dean looks at him meaningfully.

"Sunrise," he admits.

He didn't have to look at the clock to know that was a good two hours ago, "Inside now," he orders him.

"Dean," Cas pleads with him.

"You can draw from the other side of the glass," He tells him, sliding the door open for the other man to slip through.

Castiel sighs audibly, glaring slightly at him as he stands and heads inside. Dean placing his warm skin against Cas's frigid flesh.

"This is a terrible habit," Dean scolds him.

"I thought you wanted me to have more hobbies," he deadpans.

"You know I'm not talking about the drawing," he narrows is eyes.

"I'm fine Dean, this is nothing I haven't done before," he shrugs out of his coat, placing it on the chair back, "I even remembered my jacket this time."

"Excuse me for being concerned," Dean huffs sardonically.

"You're always concerned," Cas rolls his eyes.

"One of us has to be," he snaps.

"What is that supposed to mean, Dean?" Castiel looks at him, crossing his arms as he leans against the kitchen table.

"Nothing, never mind," Dean turns his back looking for nothing in particular in the cabinets, this was shaping up to be there first fight since that 'hell week' and he didn't want to be doing this on the eve of a new year.

"It's obviously not nothing," he warns gravely.

Dean leans against the counter, keeping his back to Cas as he sighs, "I just think you need to start taking more responsibility for yourself."

"How do I not? Enlighten me, how did I ever survive eighteen years without the amazing Dean Winchester looking after me?"

"Dumb luck," Dean offers haughtily, turning to face the other man.

"Fuck you."

"Come on, Cas, you said yourself God or whatever kept you around for a reason," He looks at him poignantly.

"Yes, God," Cas agrees, "Not. You. Dean," he grits out.

"So God helped you get clean," he clarifies, "Wow, I must have dreamt all that."

"Why must you mock my faith," He asks dangerously getting into Dean's personal space.

"Because, Cas," Dean starts, "Hate to break it to you, but News flash we're alone here! It's just you and me and we make our own damn choices until we cease to exist!"

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Cas tells him earnestly, "It must be very lonely."

"You know what it's not, because I'm here," he pokes his own chest, "You're here," Dean poke's Castiel roughly, "And all this he motions, IS REAL!"

"You have a lot of faith in the fact that God doesn't exist," Cas glares at him. "I still do not understand how I'm not taking responsibility for myself."

"Jesus, Cas!" Dean puts his hands on his head in frustration as he turns away, "You're just putting your blind faith into this god, or whatever, to guide you and show you what to do! God isn't responsible for you, you are!" He sighs clearing his mind, "I'm not asking for a fucking medal for helping you, I just need to know that the moment I'm not around to care… you aren't just going to give up on yourself." He licks his lips looking searchingly at Castiel.

A long silence falls over them as they stare at each other, the anger from before dissipating into a tumultuous array of emotions.

Cas clears his throat before speaking, his eyes cast downward, "Why wouldn't you be around?" he asks in a small apologetic voice.

Dean quickly closing the distance between them, pulling Castiel into his embrace, "It's hypothetical, babe." He assures, "I'm not going anywhere, Cas, I'm sorry," he kisses the top of Cas's head, "Not by choice and certainly not by whatever power pulls the strings… not without a fight anyway."

"Good…I'm sorry too."

"Just promise me something," he pulls back looking at Cas's crestfallen face as he nods, "Please," he begs, "Be more aware, I don't want you freezing to the porch." He smirks jokingly, "The whole Titanic thing is way to chick flick."

"Very well," Cas agrees, pausing for a beat, "That would make you Rose," He smiles slightly back at Dean.

"Really?" Dean asks in shock as things go back to normal, at least for now, "Out of all the badass movies available, you've seen Titanic… the three hour bitch fest."

"I was fond of the history of the event," he shrugs.

"Of course you where," Dean rolls his eyes, "If anyone asks though, I'd recommend pretending you never heard of that film."

"Noted," Cas smirks.

Later in the evening they pick up Sammy and some sparkling cider to toast the New Year, Dean hoping Gabe or Jo would bring some of the real stuff. The other two show up at the apartment around eleven, with two bottles of real Champaign. The three of them drinking it while Sam and Cas get the cider, which earns him a glare from Castiel even though he knows it's because of the meds he's on.

"I'll give some of the real stuff at midnight," Dean promises, kissing Cas briefly.

"You better," He warns, "I can tell the difference."

Gabe also brought goofy father time crowns and noise makers, forcing everyone to where one.

"This is silly," Sam complains as he fiddles with the thing on his head.

"I agree," Cas states tossing it onto the coffee table as he leans back to light a cigarette.

"If he doesn't wear his I'm not either," Dean rips his off.

"You guys are no fun," Gabe gripes as he and Jo are the only ones still wearing them.

"I think they're cute!" Jo adds.

"Case in point," Dean points out, "Too girly."

"Please," Gabriel sighs in a cliché gay voice, "We all know you're Cas's wife."

"Fuck off," he retorts.

"Calm your apron, Bitchester," He eggs him, "And go rustle us up some snacks."

"Gabriel," Cas sighs.

"What, I'm only speaking the truth," he holds up his hands, "I'm sorry if your women is sensitive."

"Can I please beat the shit out of your brother?" Dean pleads.

"Not on the holidays," Cas deadpans.

"Ya can't we all just get along," Sam adds.

"Fine," he agrees turning back to Gabe, "Mark your calendar you little wind-up doll, because on the second you're going to wake up dead!"

"Sounds impossible…" He smirks, "Should I bring my switch blade and see if the sharks are ready for a rumble?" Gabriel mocks.

The banter continues as they watch the ball drop on the east coast, Sam passing out shortly thereafter and missing their own midnight. As the timer ticks down, the four of them count along as Gabe pours everyone real champagne. When the fireworks go off, everyone toasts the New Year. Dean and Cas sharing a kiss as Gabe kisses Jo, much to Dean's chagrin, before putting his hand over Cas's mouth for a mock kiss; which earns him the first, but not last, slap in the face of the year.

Jo and Gabe run around blowing their noise makers as Sam remains oblivious on the floor, the two of them heading out to the balcony to scream out at the night and wish the world a happy New Year. Dean and Cas staying curled up on the couch, Cas resting against Dean's chest.

"Any resolutions?" Cas ask him thoughtfully as he entwines their fingers together.

"Patience," Dean smirks shrugging, running his hand through Cas's hair soothingly.

"Hmm," he hums, closing his cobalt eyes as Dean continues to pet him.

"How about you?"

"Strength," Cas offers, "And maybe peace."

"World peace?" Dean jokes knowing full well that wasn't the type of peace Cas was talking about.

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><p>Thank you all! :)REVIEW(:<p> 


	50. Where you want your gift?

AN: Here's some pie encrusted top Dean's birthday lovin'... Just something aww inspiring, because next chapter, there be demons :-0

Thank you all!

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><p>The New Year got off to a so-so start with Dean and Cas fighting at least once a week; usually about stupid stuff that was really not a big deal and ending with awesome make up sex. Dean couldn't figure out what was going on though, it seemed like random things would just set Castiel off, or sometimes himself, and end in a resulting shouting match. He thought they got past all that, but apparently he was wrong.<p>

Dean contemplated calling the shrink to see if she could tell him anything, but he wanted Cas to tell him what was wrong. Which he hoped was nothing, yet there was a feeling that something was bothering Castiel and he wasn't talking about it. Dean was getting frustrated; he just didn't know how to go about it.

His birthday was fast approaching and it had been fairly calm between the two of them, even though Cas was still sitting in the cold for long periods of time. Including walking home from work in the snow on the day he forgot his over coat. It was a losing battle, but Dean still tried reminding him about such things.

The twenty fourth fell on a work day, he wished his dad would have let him take the day off; but it wasn't like 19 was a milestone birthday or anything. Dean had no clue if Cas was even planning anything, it wouldn't be too surprising lately if he just forgot about it. His shift finally ended at 5:30, and he was just happy to be going home.

It was almost 6 when he dragged himself up the stairs to their floor; the smell of baking was wafting in the hallway. Dean figured it was probably the old lady across the hall; she was making goodies for her grandchildren. When he opened the door to the unit, he was surprised to find that the smell had actually been coming from his own apartment.

There at the counter was the shirtless winged back of Castiel, he turned slowly having heard the door opening. "Happy birthday, Dean," he greets.

Dean stands there for a beat, taking in the sight before him. Cas's pale olive skin smudged with flour and other baking ingredients, including hand prints on his pants. "Hey Cas," he nods closing the door.

"I'm attempting to make pie," he informs him as he stirs something in a bowl.

Dean chuckles a little, "How's that going?"

Cas sighs softly, "One is in the oven, this is just filling," he shows Dean the bowl as the man comes towards him.

Dean peaks in side and sure enough there was goopy cherry pie filling in the bowl and an apple pie in the oven. "Wow, two different flavors!"

"Yes, I know you enjoy apple, but I thought Cherry could be pleasant as well."

"Thanks babe," Dean kisses him, before sticking a finger in the bowl to steal a taste, "Pretty good," he smirks as he licks it off his fingers.

Castiel's sharp blue eyes watching him intently, Dean taking his thumb and brushing Cas's parted lips and transferring some cherry mixture on to them. He leans in stopping just short of a kiss so he can lick it off, his hand adding to the smudges on Cas's arm. The kitchen timer goes off, but Dean chooses not to hear it as he licks into the other man's yielding mouth.

"Dean," Cas murmurs trying half heartedly to stop him, "The pie."

"Hmm," Dean hums tilting his head for a better angle as he slowly kisses Cas, he manages to get more of the filling onto his finger as he moves the bowl to the counter and trails the sweet filling down Castiel's bare torso and around his nipple before moving down to lick it off. "It's my birthday," he reminds him huskily.

"It's going to burn," he moans, tilting his head back.

"Right," Dean agrees, moving his attention to Cas's pierced side using his teeth to tease the bar, he stands back up whispering to the dark haired man, "Don't move," he orders. Grabbing the mitts he takes the apple pie out of the oven and places it on the range and turns off the oven. "Can't wait, babe," Dean insinuates as he presses his body against the other man.

It's an unspoken thing between them that it's one of the rare occasions; Dean knows he gets to top tonight. The thrill of getting to do whatever he wants without Cas being in control is exciting; even though he enjoys that too, it's fun to mix it up. He dips his fingers into more pie filling and presents them to Cas, the man instantly licking and sucking it off his fingers. The action is fairly pornographic, Dean getting harder with each suck before pulling his hand away. They kiss slowly for a beat as he slides his hand into Cas's hair, placing a kiss to his forehead before pushing him down onto his knees.

Without hesitation, Cas quickly undoes Dean's fly their eyes locked in a heady stare as he tentatively frees Dean's erection. Cas swirls the head of Dean's cock his hand at the base, stroking steadily. He runs his tongue down the shaft slowly, mouthing it before teasing Dean's balls. The action causing Dean to groan at the slow ministrations; Cas engulfing it completely in his warm mouth and using just the right amount of teeth as he pulls back.

"God, Cas," Dean breathes, fisting the man's dark hair.

Cas gets a couple more sucks in as he grips Dean's ass, before Dean pulls him back up to stand. He messages Cas's pressing erection through his jeans, pressing a sensual kiss to his lips and down his neck before biting the mark on his clavicle.

"Shhhii…Dean!" Castiel groans, his hand at the back if Dean's neck.

He runs his tongue along the fresh bite mark before whispering in Cas's ear, "I want to try something," he grabs Castiel's slender wrist to pull him from the kitchen.

"Not the bedroom," he states, due to the fact that the both are covered in substances that can stain the sheets.

Dean stops in the middle of the main room, conceding the point, "Strip," he orders.

Cas nods undoing his belt and pants slowly, Dean smirking when it's revealed that the smaller man had gone commando. He quickly realized he too was wearing too many clothes, as he beacons Castiel to him so the man can take care of it.

Once they are both naked, they kiss chastely. Dean slowly guiding Cas onto the floor beneath them, teasing his nipples and ghosting his callused fingers over Cas's erection.

"Lay on your side," Dean instructs, Cas obeying immediately.

Dean slides his hand over Cas's shoulder and down his back to his ass, causing a shiver to run through him. He fits himself against the other mans back as he preps Cas slowly, Castiel writhing against Dean's hand. Dean places as soft kiss to Cas shoulder, his other hand splayed on his stomach as he pushes in.

"Fuck," Cas gasps, as they familiarize themselves with the position switch.

Dean starts to move, his lips brushing Cas neck with each thrust. Castiel reaches around to grip Dean's ass, bringing him in closer with each thrust, the pair panting and groaning at the intimacy of the position. They set a steady pace, Dean sliding his hand down to stroke Cas as they rock together. Castiel tilting his head so they can kiss briefly, moaning into each other's mouths.

The pace becomes erratic, Dean on the verge as Cas rolls his hips in time. He locks his arm over Cas's chest, his hand gripping his shoulder as Dean thrusts hard before he's cumming forcefully. The action pushing Cas off the cliff right along with him. Dean buries his face in the crook of the dark haired man's neck as they shutter together. They start to come down, Dean slipping from Cas as they remain embraced.

"I love you, Cas," Dean whisper's against the still heated flesh on Castiel's neck.

"Happy Birthday, Dean," he languidly replies as he turns in Dean's arms to look up at him.

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><p>:)Review...<p> 


	51. One foot out the door

AN: Kinda a cliffhanger(y) chapter!

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><p>Castiel starts to distance himself being a lot more secretive, and Dean finally breaks down calling Dr. Visyak, she's about as helpful as bag of rocks. Telling him that Cas is progressing very well and they've just been working through some minor issues, and that he shouldn't be concerned. He feels marginally better, especially since he knows Cas is still on his meds and is fairly certain he wasn't using again.<p>

It was the phone calls that where worrying him, Cas was getting texts and call at all hours that he either ignored or deleted instantly, whenever Dean asked about it Cas would just shrug and say wrong number or telemarketers. Until finally he got a new phone and it all stopped and Cas was fine again.

Dean was hanging out with Sammy; it was one of his days off for spring break. They decided to go bowling; Cas had work and was going to meet Mary for lunch, so it was just the two of them. It wasn't the best idea, but it was still a good time.

"Is everything alright with Cas?" Sam asked as he picked up his ball from the return.

"Ya, why?" Dean takes his turn, rolling the ball down the lane.

"He just hasn't been around lately." He shrugs passing Dean to bowl his turn.

He thinks about that for a moment before realizing that Sam was right, Cas hadn't hung out with Sam and him for a couple months now. Not like he always tagged along, but he never seemed to show interest in coming anymore.

"They're reorganizing lot of stuff at the library," Dean lies.

Sam giving him a knowing look, "Uh huh…"

"Everything is fine, Sammy, really."

"Are you sure?" He hedges.

"Ya," Dean smirks cockily, "Don't worry about it."

Luckily Sam drops it, Dean relaxing again.

"How's school?"

"Great! We're going to dissect stuff in biology, but other than that all my classes are lots of fun."

"Glad to hear it!" Dean smiles.

"Our debate team might be going to regional's too."

"What's this might be," he looks at Sam, "It'll happen, you're the best one on the team, man."

"Thanks, Dean."

They finish their game, Sam winning mostly because Dean let him.

"You hungry?" Dean asks as they head out.

"Ya, dude." Sam nods.

"All right, to the diner!" he jokes.

Their finishing up their meal when Dean's phone beeps with a missed call, he takes the phone out of his pocket seeing that it was his mom who called.

"Sorry Sammy, I'm just gunna check this real quick."

"Sure thing," he nods as he picks at the food left on his plate.

Dean calls his voice mail, as pops another French fry in his mouth; Mary's voice coming through the phone.

"Dean, sweetie it's mom," she states, "I know you're still with Sammy, but I was just wondering if you had seen Castiel, we were having a lovely lunch, but he saw something on the TV or something and then he just apologized and took off. It was very odd and I wanted to make sure everything was ok, he hasn't been answering his phone either... I'm probably worrying for nothing, but he forgot his coat… let me know. Love you."

He saves the message, starring at his phone in confusion. That wasn't like Castiel to just run off, especially not with Mary. He knew Cas should be at work, but was conflicted on whether he should be worried or not. Dean drops Sam off, by the time he gets back to the apartment it's about an hour before Cas should be home.

When he gets inside though, he sees Cas's bag on the table and the sound of the shower running. "Cas? he calls, heading to the bathroom, "Babe? You in there?" he knocks on the door, going in when there's no answering. "Castiel why aren't you at work?" Dean wonders aloud, pinking into the shower.

Cas is sitting, fully clothed, on the floor of the shower with his knees tucked up to his chest. His head resting against his knees and an orange pill bottle clutched in his hand. Dean pulls back the curtain, kneeling on the bathroom floor next to the tub.

"Cas," he starts cautiously, pushing the dark locks that had plastered to his forehead. His skin was frozen from the cold spray he was sitting under. "Did you take any of these?" he fits his hand over the one holding the bottle, gently trying to coax it away.

"Not yet," he whispers solemnly, "I'm sorry I kept them."

Dean shuts off the water, "What's wrong?" he slips the bottle out of Cas grasp, tossing it into the hall.

Cas peaks up a little, his eyes blood shot like he was crying, "Jimmy," he bites his lip.

"Your brother," he nods.

"He's been shot," he buries his face in his knees again, "It's my fault."

"It's not your fault, Cas, this stuff happens sometimes." He tries to comfort him. "It's not like you where close any more."

"They thought it was me, Dean," Cas trembles a bit.

"Who's they?" Dean asks, sobering.

"Crowley," he mumbles.

"Crowley?" He sits back against the wall. "You said he was dead, Castiel."

"I thought he was," Cas sighs, "Then I started getting these calls…" he admits.

"You knew," Dean bites his lip.

"I had a suspicion, but now…" he trembles.

"Why?" he sighs.

Cas ignores the question as they sit in silence, "It's bad Dean… they don't know if he'll make it," he sniffs dejectedly.

"It's your fault," Dean states not meaning anything by, just processing the information.

"God, I know," Castiel sighs loudly, trying to blink back tears. "I can't do this anymore," he tells the air gravely, standing stiffly.

He steps over Dean, his soaked clothes dripping everywhere, Dean watching him quietly unable to move as his brain still processes everything. Cas grabs the pill bottle off the floor as he strides away.

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><p>:)review:)<p> 


	52. Face of letting go

AN: Sorry if this is kind of cliffhanger(y) again, but this part is just coming to me in chunks as I go... I had the plan to get this part, but not the what happens next part...

Anyway thanks for the lovely reviews and comments! :D

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><p>"Cas, Wait!" Dean calls after him, hopping up from the floor and rushing after.<p>

Cas is in the middle of the bedroom having just struggled out of his wet shirt that was clinging to him throwing it angrily at the wall before he grabs the pill bottle off the bed.

"Cas don't," Dean pleads, as a couple pills fall into the other man's hand, Cas looking at him with confliction evident in his eyes. "Please," he begs.

They stay locked in a meaningful staring contest, Cas rolling the pills in his hand. Dean approaches slowly, as If he was a hunter coming upon a deer.

"Dean."

He nods at Cas, wrapping his hand around the one that's holding the loose pills, "You don't need these," Dean states simply.

Castiel watches Dean's actions before bring his cobalt eyes up to Dean's, "I…want them."

"I know, babe," He tells him, sliding the pills away, "Let's talk about this."

"What's there to talk about Dean?" Cas snaps at him, pulling away. He starts to remove his pants, almost tripping in the effort.

"Well for starters, Crowley." Dean looks at him, "You've known about this for months without telling me, you gotta know that hurts, Cas," He glares, "If he is after you, you aren't safe, and now is not the time to fall off the wagon," the concern evident in his voice.

"Fuck Crowley!" He rounds on Dean, whipping out some dry clothes to change into. "I'm sorry Dean," He sighs, "Just add that to my list of mistakes that I did to protect you!...If Jimmy dies, it will be because of the mistakes I've made…The 'choices' I've made," Cas glares, Dean picking up on his meaning.

"What about god Cas?" He asks earnestly, wondering what made the faith man start looking at things from Dean's point of view. "I don't think that twin of yours would have lost any sleep if you had died at the hand of Raphael."

"That's not the point," He steps into his jeans, "God obviously doesn't care anymore," Cas informs him, not quite believing his own words, "This last year all over again," He huffs as he grabs his shirt pushing past Dean toward the door.

"It better not be," Dean warns sternly, because there was no way he was going almost loose Cas again. "Where are you going?"

"To the hospital," Cas tells him lowly.

"I'm taking you," He leaves no room for argument, grabbing a sweater from the room and thrusting it into Cas's chest. "Put this on," Dean instructs him gruffly, grabbing his keys as Cas grabs his bag, sulking.

They drive in silence, Cas staring out the window and refusing to put his sweater on just to spite Dean.

"I think we should go to the cops," Dean breaks the silence.

"What good would that do?" He asks not looking at him.

"They can help," he argues, "If you have proof Crowley's still lurking around, the police will want to know. That's what normal citizens do, Castiel." He adds.

"Right, how would I know I'm just a semi clean ex drug dealer, the cops will really want to talk to me."

"That's not what I meant," he sighs, "And they would talk to you, it's been almost a year now and have inside knowledge on that slimy bastard…they'd keep you safe."

"Unlikely," Cas lights up.

"God you're worse than a child, you know that."

"Thank you," He replies sardonically.

"If you don't I will," Dean warns him, "It's the only option."

"No it's not," Cas states under his breath.

They turn pulling up the drive to the hospital, "I'm going in with you."

"Fine."

Dean parks in the visitors lot, the pair heading into the hospital. They find out which room Jimmy's in after some persuasion. They ride the elevator in silence the two boys head to the all too familiar ICU, Dean finding himself being flooded with unpleasant memories as they approach Jimmy's room. To their surprise there's a cop stationed outside of the room.

"I don't think you're on the list," Dean informs him.

Cas just blinks for a beat, "I've idea," He states slipping into a supply room, Dean keeping watch.

He reemerges a hospital gown over his clothes as he pushes his hair down, to appear more like his brother.

"Walk past the cop to distract him," He instructs, "This is just in case he sees me."

"Right," Dean nods as he heads down the hall.

He stops in front of the officer, "Hey do you know where the coffee machine is?"

The cop tells him where it is as Cas slips into the room, unnoticed by the guy in charge of preventing such things. Dean thanks him, turning down the hall to remain hidden from the cop, but staying within view of the door ducking back when the cop looked his way every so often. He waits for a solid twenty minutes before an irate blonde women storms for Jimmy's room.

"What kind of cop are you!" She shouts, getting into the young officer's face, "No one was supposed to get through that door, I will have your badge for this!" He hears her shout, "Is this some kind of joke?" She asks holding the paper in his face.

Dean's heart sank, it was a similar note to the one Cas had left with Sammy; and the appearance, of what Dean supposed was mama Novak, meant Cas was probably long gone. His mind raced, this was like déjà vu all fucking over again.

"That sneaky bastard," Dean said to himself as an announcement comes over the loud speaker.

"Attention Staff, we have a Code Amber on the 4th floor… I repeat, Code Amber 4th floor, thank you."

Dean has no clue what that means, but he's worried what the implications are as he saddles up to the closest nurses station and the little brunette behind the counter.

"Hey," Dean flashes her a winning smile.

"Hi there!" She smiles back.

"What's the code thing about?" He asks.

"Well we aren't really supposed to give that information out." She hedges.

"Aw really," Dean frowns a little as he reads her name tag, "Rosie," he smiles again, "See I'm going to school to be a doctor, so it'd be really helpful." He winks at her for good measure.

Rosie blushing slightly before making sure no one is around, "If anyone asks you didn't hear it from," She looks at him as Dean crosses his heart, Rosie leaning towards him on the counter. "Well since it was the fourth floor it was probably a drug theft," she tells him conspiratorially, "That's where the pharmacy is."

"Damn it, Cas," Dean huffs, surprising the girl.

"What?" She looks at him.

"Um, nothing…Thanks sweetheart," He tosses out jogging off toward the elevators as she stares after him dumbly.

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	53. A stranger now

AN: It might be slow going today, I have pies to bake... (no joke)

ENJOY!

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><p>Dean decides to bolt down the stairs, forgoing the elevator in the hope of heading Cas off at the pass. He wasn't sure what it was, but something in his gut told him that the theft was Castiel. Again he didn't know what kind of head start the other man had on him. There was no telling what he was planning on doing, or going for that matter. Dean just had to stop him, he wished he could have seen what the note had said in order to better gage what was going down.<p>

Since Crowley's absence and Cas's 'career' change there was no telling where the new hide out was. When he got to the fourth floor he cautiously looked around for his boyfriend, but found only personal and security. Quickly he ducked back to the stairwell taking them two at a time, and rushing out of the hospital to search for Cas.

He figured the best thing to do was hop in the car and check the place he might be, before going to the cops. Dean wasn't joking when he told Cas he was going to do it, the only reason he didn't do last time was because he knew that would have caused Cas a world of trouble due to his associations with Crowley at the time. Now though, it was the right thing to do. He went to the parking lot striding to where he knew he had parked the Impala and found an empty space, which wasn't good; he searched frantically for his keys in his pockets and turned up nothing.

"Son of a bitch," he breathed, shaking his head.

Cas had taken his baby and if there was one scratch on her he'd kill the man himself. The lack of vehicle was a huge miscalculation and it was damn cold out. Dean paced the parking lot, trying to figure his next move. He knew he wanted to go to the cops, but that was all the way across town. The only option he could think of was one that he really didn't want to utilize; if he could he would have kept all of this under the rug. Apparently he was growing up because he knew the right thing to do was to ask for help, even though it was hard; the well being of the man he loved was in the balance.

Dean pulled out his phone breathing in to steady himself as he hit his 2nd speed dial. He shuffled from foot to foot as he listened to the ringing, a part of him wishing no one answered which was a foolish hope.

"Hello?" Mary's sweet voice answered.

"Mom."

"Oh Dean, thank God," she sighs, "Is everything all right? Is Castiel with you?"

"That's kind of why I'm calling," he hedges, "There's some stuff you don't know and I'd give anything not to have to tell you," he blinks back the moisture accumulating in his eyes.

"Sweetie, what's wrong, where's Castiel?" She asks gravely with concern.

"I don't know mom," he admits, "His brother was shot cuz they thought it was him and we should go to the police, but he took the car and…" he rambles.

"Calm down, Dean." Mary instructs him, "Now, Gabriel was shot?" she asks trying to understand what's going on.

"No it was his twin, mom... there's bad men after him, I just..."

"Where are you, hunny?"

"At the hospital, Cas gave me the slip after he visited his brother... Which is more than that kid deserves."

"But you're ok?" She worries.

"Ya I'm fine mom," Dean appeases her, "I just gotta help Cas."

"All right, stay where you are," Mary orders, "I'm on my way and we'll sort this out!"

"Thanks, mom," he states quietly as they hang up.

Dean nervously waits the longest ten minutes of his life before he sees his mom pull up into the parking lot. He quickly jumps into the car, so they can go straight to the cops.

"I'm glad you called," Mary tells him, "Now spill."

"Cas," Dean sighs, not wanting to rat him out, but there was no way around it. "He used to deal in school."

"Drugs?"

"Ya, but after the thing with Sammy and everything last summer he quit."

"I see," Mary nods piecing together how that fit in with the information Castiel actually told her.

"He um…" Dean blinks again at the weight of the next admission, even though it wasn't really his to tell. "He also used, but he's been clean for about 5 months now when he went to the shrink."

"Dr. Visyak," Mary corrects, looking like she's on the verge of tears as well when she hears this new information, "I take it this incident is causing him distress," she rationalizes politely.

Dean nods not able to look at his mom, "He's," he clears his throat, "He's in bad shape." There's a pregnant pause before he continues, "I don't even know who to call anymore."

"You're doing the right thing, Dean," She assures him placing her hand on his knee. "The police will sort this out."

"He won't get in trouble, right?" He worries, looking at his mom. Dean feels small right now, the uncertainty of the situation and the fact that he had to call his mom for help just now hitting him. He feels like he's ten again, which is ridiculous.

"No sweetie," Mary placates him, because she honestly had no idea, "If whoever's behind this is really as bad as you say, they will be happy to have any information they can."

"Ya," he nods, only feeling marginally comforted, "Thanks for helping, it's been hard," Dean admits.

"You always seem to do things the hard way," She shakes her head, "You didn't have to do this all alone, sweetheart." Mary eyes him sadly, "I know it was Castiel's problem, but…." She sighs heavily.

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	54. Blame for your sake

AN: Sorry it's a short one... (Also the symbol next to Cas's initials is a twin symbol that him and Jimmy had made up)

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><p>The rest of the drive is continued in a heavy silence. Mary focused on the road as she processed everything, each red light feeling like an eternity to both of them as they headed to their destination. Dean hops out of the car before Mary even comes to a complete stop at the station.<p>

"Dean," She shouts after him, shaking her head as she goes to park the car.

He rushes up the steps and bursts into the station, going straight to officer behind the desk.

"How can I help you, son?" Officer Toledo asks, not looking up from his crossword puzzle.

"So my boyfriend is in trouble and he took my car and…" Dean starts.

"Would you like to report the vehicle stolen?" he huffs with disinterest.

"No," he glares at the overweight man, "He's in trouble and he needs help we have to find him."

"If the person hasn't been missing for at least twenty four hours you cannot file a missing persons report."

"Are you even fucking listening man!" Dean shouts urgently, "This guy Crowley, is a fucking douche and he's behind the Novak shooting earlier, when really he was after that guys twin, my boyfriend and you're not even paying attention, you stupid PIG!" He bellows ripping the puzzle away from him, the whole office starring as the cop just looks at him dumbly with his mouth open.

"I'll take it from here, Toledo," A guys saddles up to the podium a file in one hand as he extends the other hand to Dean, "I'm Detective Henriksen." He informs him. "Let's talk in my office."

Dean shakes his hand tentatively, still pissed at that stupid cop, "Dean Winchester."

The detective leads him to a little room that was more like a closet then an office, and motions for him to sit down. "I understand you have information on the Novak case," Henriksen leads.

"Ya," he nods curtly, "I know who did it and who they were really after."

"Really," Henriksen nods, scribbling some notes, "Care to elaborate there, son?"

"It was Crowley, he's alive and he thought Jimmy was his brother Castiel."

"How do you know this Castiel…?"

"Novak," Dean supplies, "He's my boyfriend," he glares challenging the other man to say something about it.

"Ok…" He flips through the file, "There's nothing in here about a brother."

"There wouldn't be," Dean huffs, "Long story… Let's just say they don't get along, they're twins though so it's hard to deny the relation."

"Twins?" Henriksen contemplates, "Identical I suppose," he ruminates before pulling out an evidence bag, "Take a look at this," he pushes the note across the table, "Does this look like Castiel's handwriting."

Dean recognizes it instantly, without even reading the message right away, "Ya it is."

"You know twins can have almost identical fingerprints, we figured the person had worn gloves before slipping it into James's hand."

Henriksen's words fall on deaf ears as Dean reads the note that Castiel had written to his brother.

_Jimmy,_

_ I understand your actions and want you to know, for what it's worth, I forgive you. You only did what you believed our faith had asked of you, and I probably would have done the same at the time; we both where naïve then. Hopefully, one day you can forgive me my actions. He may have been right about me, but I am and will atone for any sins that I have perpetrated. I take full responsibility for my actions. This one, though, may not be forgiven in the end, but one of us must continue on._

_ My prayers are with you, whether you believe or not,_

_ -C.N. __~:~_

"Any idea what that means?" Henriksen eyes him, as Dean tries to compose his features.

"I have an idea," he swallows, "And you have got to find him, before he falls off the wagon."

"He uses drugs?" Henriksen asks, suspiciously.

"He abused prescriptions," Dean clarifies, "He's been clean for a year," he stretches the truth a little.

"Tell ya what," He leans across the desk, "Why don't you tell me everything you know and in the meantime I'll send some officers out to canvas the known areas?"

Dean agrees, waiting patiently for the other man to return.

"Now, why do you think these two cases are connected?" The detective sits back down with a new file in tow.

Dean launches into the whole long tale, leaving out things that were unnecessary and glazing over other things that could be deemed incriminating. He didn't want Cas to get in trouble for any of his past actions, which is why he left the whole thing with Sammy completely out of the conversation. He talked about Balthazar, and the car accident, but not the thing with the factory because that was too damning.

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	55. This prison Cell

AN: Sorry this is SUPER short, but the next chapter will be Cas's POV and I wanted the break to be by chapter...

ENJOY! ?

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><p>Once Dean's done telling the detective pretty much everything he knows, he's led back out to the waiting area. Mary's sitting there all ready with her phone pressed to her ear and gives him a reassuring smile, Dean dejectedly plopping down into the seat next to her.<p>

"I called Sammy," she informs him aside, "He's fine, his friend Barry is spending the night so he won't be alone."

"Good."

"I can't seem to get a hold of your father, though," Mary complains as she hangs up the phone.

"He should still be at the shop, did you call there?"

She nods, "I even left messages, I don't know what he could be doing," she sighs shaking her head.

"Probably at the bar with Bobby," Dean rolls his eyes.

"Now, Dean," Mary warns.

"Whatever," he grumbles under his breath as he thrusts his hands into his jacket pockets. He feels paper in his pocket, wrapped around his cell phone. He pulls it out in confusion and sees a sketch of himself as he unfolds the paper.

_Dean,_

_For what it's worth, I would have given anything to not have you be a part of this. However, if everything goes to plan you will see that your father is a great man. Do not forsake him for foolish pride._

_I'm sorry._

_Usque ad finem_

Dean flips the paper over a few times, looking for anything else written; but apparently Cas didn't even sign his name, the stupid bastard. He was starting to get angry, about the whole thing even though rationally he knew it was misplaced and mostly out of frustration.

"I think I know who Cas is with," Dean starts, looking up right when a semi frantic Bobby rushes through the station door.

"Bobby?" Mary asks in surprise as she greets the haggard man.

"Mary," he replies, "Everything all right?"

"Castiel is apparently in trouble," she answers, "What are you doing here?"

"John called, told me to head to the police station to make sure you and Dean where all right and here I guess."

"Did he say anything else?" Dean asks urgently.

"Ya, strangest thing he wanted to know if I still had those darn blue-prints for the old funeral home I thought about buying a few years back." Bobby shakes his head, "I offered to bring 'em to 'im, but he said he'd just pick 'em up and that I was needed here."

"I gotta go," Dean bolts to his feet, Bobby stepping to block his exit.

"No can do, son."

"What, why?" He panics, "It's important."

"Because John'll have my head if anything happens to ya, ya 'idjit." He crosses his arms over his chest.

"It's best if you stay here Dean," Mary agrees, pulling him to sit back down. "If the detectives find anything out, they'll be first to know."

"I can't just sit here and do nothing," Dean huffs.

"You can and you will, son," Bobby warns him as he occupies the chair next to Dean, he drops his voice down to a whisper so Mary won't hear, "If I know your father, he's cooking something up. He was in full on military mode; and it's best to just not know, you understand me?"

"Ya, but…"

"Castiel will be fine."

Dean is completely frustrated; he can't stand just sitting around while Cas and his father go toe to toe with Crowley. That is, if his dad was actually involved; this seemed like a silly thought, considering the note and the fact that Bobby was there. The inactivity is killing him, plus it seems like the stupid cops aren't doing anything. He bounced his foot nervously, slumped in his chair while Bobby and Mary talked over his head; the whole time he was wondering just what Cas was doing and praying he was ok.

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	56. No turning back on what you can't save

AN: This is Cas's pov... This is what's going on while Dean was looking for him and going to the cops etc.

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><p>Cas knew it was wrong for him to do that to Dean, but he had to make sure he was safe. He hoped that he knew him well enough that he could count on the fact that Dean would go straight to the police once he saw the Impala was gone. This was something he was counting on; as was the idea that Dean would not call John for help.<p>

It was a lot to ask, John wasn't exactly his biggest fan after all. Cas was worried that the whole ordeal would deem him unacceptable for John Winchester's first born and he would die alone of a drug overdose. That was only partially why he stole and ultimately ended up taking the medication, he knew this could end up being a suicide machine. He needed the 'strength', or rather the numbness, to carry out his plan.

The knowledge of how much the relapse was a betrayal to Dean was causing him physical pain, but he had to push that aside. Castiel had to end this one way or the other, Crowley needed to get the message to just leave him the fuck alone; but he needed help, so he called John.

"This is John," the gruff voice answers at the auto shop.

"Um," Cas clears his throat awkwardly, "I am sorry to bother you, sir, but I need your help."

"Castiel?" John wonders suspiciously.

"Yes, uh sir."

"What do you want?" He asks tersely.

Cas takes a deep breath, "I need your help and it is a matter of great importance," he begins gravely, "I used to be associated with the man who's responsible for what happened to Sam last summer and for the accident that Dean and I where in." He bites his lip nervously, "He's back in town and I want to make sure he can't hurt anyone anymore," Cas adds meaningfully.

There's a long pause on the other end, Cas holding his breath in anticipation of what John's going to say. At this point he wouldn't be surprised if the man chewed him out and told him to stay the fuck away from his family, to make matters worse it was starting to snow again.

"How can I help," the gruff voice replies.

Castiel exhales in short lived relief, "I know the guy who can tell us where he is I'm on my way to pick him up then I will meet you where you are, we'll go from there."

"You driving Dean's car?"

"Yes," he says guiltily.

"Where's Dean?" John questions.

"He's safe, I believe he went to the police."

"Good."

"I'll call you when I'm on my way."

"Right," John agrees, "Oh and Castiel?"

"Yes, sir?" Cas asks nervously.

"If you aren't here in an hour I'm calling the cops, you understand?"

"Thank you," he states solemnly before hanging up.

There's only one person that would still know for sure where Crowley was hiding out, and since Balthazar was dead that person was Chuck. He didn't bother calling the man; the element of surprise was more valuable right now as he sped into the night towards Chuck's house. He turns down Farego St. and pulls into the Shurley's driveway.

Cas looks around to make sure no one is watching or following him as he jogs up to the front door. He rolls his shoulders idly before knocking on the door and ringing the doorbell. He waited for a beat or so, raising his hand to knock again when a small plump woman answered the door.

"Can I help you?" She asks skeptically.

"Mrs. Shurley?"

"Yes?"

"I'm a friend of your sons, from school, is he in?" Cas asks politely.

"Oh," She smiles broadly, "Of course dear, come in come in," Mrs. Shurley ushers him inside. "Chuckers, you have a visitor!" She calls up the stairs.

"Mom, don't call me that!" Chucks voice carries down the stairs before he appears. As soon as he catches sight of Castiel, he freezes mid step and almost loses his footing. "Hhhey, Castiel," He greets with mild surprise.

"Chuck," Cas narrows his eyes.

"Don't just stand there on the stairs," Chuck's mom chides him.

"Sssorry," he bows his head as he goes all the way down the steps.

"That's better," she pinches his cheek, "I'll leave you two boys alone, I bet you'd like some cookies," She smiles at them before heading off towards the kitchen.

"What ccan I do for ya?" he edges awkwardly.

"I believe you know," Cas glares meaningfully.

"I don't know where he is Castiel," Chuck lies.

"Don't lie to me Chuck," he gets into his personal space menacing the smaller man.

"Cas come on, man," he twitches nervously, "We go way back, you can't think I had anything to do with it."

"That is exactly what I think."

"I…"

"Say good-bye to your mother," Cas instructs him his town dangerous as he grabs Chuck my his shirt, "We're going for a ride."

Chuck nods, his eyes wide, "Mom… um, I'm going out!" he gets out as Cas drags him out the door.

"What about the cookies?" She asks dejectedly, appearing just as the front door closes.

Castiel man handles Chuck into the car, locking all the doors just in case the nervous man decided to get brave. He quickly pulls out of the drive way, pulling out his phone to inform John they're coming.

"Castiel, you dddon't want to do this, man."

"I know exactly what I am doing," he replies icily, "And you will lead us to Crowley."

"Come on…" Chuck whines.

"This ends tonight, you understand?"

Chuck squeaks nodding in reply, at the venom in the blue eyed man's voice as they speed to the next destination. When they pull up to the shop, John's waiting for them outside. Cas pulling Chuck out of the car with him.

"This the kid?"

Cas nods as he pushes Chuck inside, he pulls a chair into the middle of the room and throws him into. The force he sits in it with almost knocks the chair back, Castiel stopping it with his hands on the arms. He tightens his grip on the man's wrists, looking like he's ready to spite the poor guy.

"Where is he?"

"I dddon't know!" Chuck pleads.

"That's a lie," He grits out back handing the sitting man, John leaning against the wall in the corner as he watches the exchange.

"The fuck!"

"I'll ask you again… Where is Crowley?"

"No offense Cas, because you're fucking scary; but I'm more afraid of what Crowley will do."

"When I'm done, Crowley won't be doing anything," he spits clenching his fist before he feels a hand on his shoulder.

"I'll take it from here, son," John instructs, sternly, "Go have a smoke."

Cas eyes Chuck, nodding curtly as he storms out of the office and slamming the door behind him

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	57. Tried

AN: This might be the only chapter I get up today, but I'll try for another...Thanks guys!

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><p>Cas smokes angrily outside as the flakes drift down from above. He could just hear the gruff timber of John's voice through the door, punctuated by the noise of the phone ringing every so often. It was surprising to hear the lack of screaming or other sounds of physical violence; but he figured John had other methods. However, the satisfaction of hitting Chuck across his lying face was very therapeutic. He shuffled from foot to foot taking out one of the pill bottles he procured and studied it for a beat as he took drags from his cigarette. He sighed, pouring a couple out and downing them. He was weak and he knew it, but greater good, he thought wrapping his sweater tightly around his frame.<p>

A minute or so John joined him outside, "Can I get one of those?" he asks.

Cas nods pulling out a cigarette and handing it to John along with his lighter.

John lights the tobacco stick, inhaling deeply as the two of them looked out on the frosty junkers. "It looks like we got a location," He states, "Its' an old funeral home near the cemetery, he'll take us there."

"How'd you do it?" Cas asks quietly.

"I just talked to twitch kid," he informs smirking a bit as he adds, "While cleaning my gun."

Cas looks at him returning the smirk, before it quickly falls, "I'm sorry I brought you into this."

"I understand," John nods as they smoke in silence. "I gotta make a call, Dean called Mary when ya took off and I think Bobby's got the blue prints to the old funeral home, we ain't going in there without a game plan."

Cas nods in understanding, "Of course," he says, even though part of his plan actually left John in the dark. There was no way he was going to let John get hurt because of him; which might be stupid and self sacrificing, but so be it. "I'm going to check on Chuck," he flicks the butt of his cigarette as he pull open the door to go back in, leaving John to place his call.

When he gets back in, Chuck looks ten times more nervous then when he left. His face pale and sweaty, as he trembles slightly in fear of what they're going to be doing soon; Cas just eyeing him to make sure he won't try and bolt as he leans against the desk.

"What are you ppplannig Castiel?" Chuck pleads, "I thought you where clean and done with this."

"They shot my brother."

"I thought he hated you…"

"That's not the point," Cas death glares.

"You gotta know this is a suicide mission, man," Chuck whispers urgently.

"I am aware," he turns his back on the other man, to dissuade further conversation.

"I don't want to die, Castiel come on…" he starts freaking out.

"Relax," Cas warns him, "You won't be going in," he adds cryptically as John strides back in to the room.

"All right, I'm going to head down to Bobby's house at the corner," he informs Castiel, "Gotta pick up the blue prints, then we plan our entry and cut this kid loose." John lowers his voice so Chuck won't hear, "I sent Bobby to the station make sure Dean and Mary are there and stay there, for that matter."

"Good," Cas breathes out, things seemed to be falling into line.

John left once again, heading off to Bobby's while Cas sat on the desk eyeing Chuck. There was a bit more information they needed before they could let him go.

"What part of the building will he be in, Chuck?" He asks quietly, "I know you've been there."

Chuck sighs knowing there's no use fighting anymore, especially since he won't be going with them. "The basement, itt used to be the Embalming room or something creepy."

"Crowley always had a flare for the dramatics," Cas deadpans.

"HHaa, ya he dddoes," he huffs a little laugh, and sobers, "But the accident left him with a worse temper then before."

"We shall see."

The two men sit in an awkward silence, Chuck looking around the room nervously wishing he was anywhere but here and had some liquor to calm his nerves. Castiel was just starring off, his mind racing while the drugs he had took pounded through him. It was surprising how less seemed to affect him more now, if he could forget what he was about to do he would be feeling pretty good right about now.

John gets back twenty minutes later, the rolled drawing in his hand. "You get anything else useful from him," he points his thumb at Chuck.

"He says Crowley is usually in the embalming room."

"The basement, then," John nods, unrolling the papers onto his desk.

Cas and John lean over the paper as they figure out how to go about this.

"He'll be here, it looks like there's a couple little windows and old cellar doors here," he points, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck.

"I'm the one he wants," Cas offers, "If I create a distraction, you can slip in through here and we'll meet at the pass," he instructs with his finger.

John thinks for a second, before nodding, "I don't like it," he huffs, "But it seems like the best course, here." He looks over at Cas, his jaw set as he sizes him up, "You're not thinking of doing anything stupid here are ya, son?"

"No, sir," Cas lies, hoping his face doesn't betray him.

He looks at him for a beat before conceding, "Right." John turns back toward the room, pulling the gun off the desk and checking it, "Let's go."

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	58. Used to be a shelter

AN: Thanks again guys! (As you may have figured this story will be drawing to an end soon, only a few more chapters left!)

As I mentioned before I will probably post another story that will contain random stuff from these two...more will be revealed later...

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><p>With their plan set they head back to the car, Cas giving John the keys so he can drive. He figures it will be easier for John to get away then, plus he's in no condition to drive anymore. They drop Chuck off a couple blocks away, from the Shop. It was out of the way to take him home and neither of the men had any patience left for the kid.<p>

"It's like 3 miles to my house," Chuck whines as Cas roughly pushes him out of the car.

"You could come with," John threatens sternly, moving his jacket to show the butt of his gun.

The man's eyes widen in fear, "IIIt's a great night for walking," He stutters lamely.

"Oh, Chuck," Castiel calls leaning forward to see out the driver side window, remembering another thing the man had. "I need your cell phone."

"Ah..shit," Chuck sighs under his breath as he tosses his phone into the car, "It's cold as balls and I can't call anyone…" he rants angrily.

John and Cas drive off leaving Chuck grumbling as he walked into the cold night. As they drive, Castiel flips through Chuck's contact list to find Crowley's number. He sends him a text reading:

Castiel on way

Wants 2 make a

Deal w/ u

He gets a reply, not five minutes later, that simply says lovely. The chill that goes down his spine is short lived as he discreetly takes a few more pills using the fake cough routine. Crowley is not going to win this, one way or the other it will end; he was just glad that everything seemed to be falling into place for him. Cas gets lost in his thoughts and before he knew it the car had come to a stop.

"We're here," John informs him, having parked a little ways down the street. "The building is just there," he points, "You have exactly fifteen minutes, then I'm coming in."

"Very well."

"I'll see you inside," he nods, completely focused on their current task.

Cas step out of the vehicle not saying a word before John calls him back.

"Here," John hands him a knife as he keeps looking straight ahead, "Hopefully you won't need it."

"Thank you," he nods, his lips twitching in an almost smile.

Castiel makes his way to the front door of the dilapidated building, it was probably beautiful once, back in its heyday. The building was an old Victorian style home, the kind he had always admired because they don't seem to put that much artistry into things anymore. Cautiously, he makes his way up the stairs sucking in a deep breath before knocking on the rotting wood.

He waits a moment before the door is pulled open and a couple of, what Cas assumes are Crowley's goons, grab him and hull him into the dark interior. They lead him to the basement, pushing him down the stairs. The pain he knows should come from the harsh treatment doesn't register and it assures him just that much more of his actions.

He scuffles to his feet, glad that they didn't find the blade he was concealing, when they patted him down. Tentatively he heads down the hall towards the door that's ajar at the end, a stream of light the only thing visible.

"Don't be shy, Castiel," the familiar accented voice calls, "come on in."

Cas takes a breathe, setting his jaw as he pushes the door open and steps over the threshold. The embalming room is surprisingly well lit and looked like an old fashioned medical room with the silver tables and white tiles going up the wall.

"Ah the man of the hour," Crowley smirks with his arms open.

"Crowley," Castiel narrows his eyes.

"That's it?" he asks mocking, "Really, I would have expected more from the man who tried to kill me."

"I won't be making that mistake again," He states dangerously.

"No, you bloody won't," he turns his back on Castiel examining the table.

Cas takes the opportunity, sliding the knife out and stepping forward to stab the bastard in the back. Crowley, however, was a step ahead of the younger man. Turning and stopping Cas's momentum with a hand on the wrist holding the knife.

"Castiel, I'm surprised," he tsks with some effort as Cas tries to drive the blade home.

However, even though he was slightly shorter than Castiel, he was bigger and used it to his advantage. He backed Cas against the wall, retching his wrist till he dropped the knife.

Crowley roughly gripping Cas's neck as they stared daggers at one another, "I heard you went straight," he glares, "Well, more or less," he jokes. "Normally I wouldn't try this on you," he holds up a syringe, Cas's eyes widen briefly as he tries to suppress it, "Let's see if the rumors are true, shall we." He coos before sticking Castiel's fleshing and slowly lowering the plunger.

"What is it?" Cas asks dangerously as he tries to struggle against the other man.

"Oh…this and that," he smirks, "Now what's this deal that you had in mind?"

Cas struggles in vain, "I want you to leave this town," he rasps out, "Move on and set up shop elsewhere."

"You know how this works, darling," Crowley looks like he was contemplating the suggestion, "What's in it for me?"

"I am."

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><p>:)Review(: thank yous<p> 


	59. But there are no lights to guide us

AN: Sorry for all the cliff hanger(y) ness... That's just how my brain does chapter breaks! And Ya, John used to be a marine so he can drop people with his bare hands, which makes it better when sneaking into the house...

Thanks guys!

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><p>"You?" Crowley clarifies, "What makes you think I'd want you."<p>

"Revenge," Cas chokes out, the other man's hand still at his neck, "Pay back, that's why you shot Jimmy."

"Oh, you're little doppelganger has a name," he smirks, "Maybe I just wanted to get your attention."

"You didn't even know he existed."

"So clever," Crowley mincingly strokes the side of Castiel's face, "It would be such a waste to end you…" He pauses in contemplation, "Maybe I'll just keep you, drug you up and you can be my little lap dog." He pats Cas's head, "If those rumors are true, though, and that little mechanic of yours fixed you up, you may just over dose right here. It's a gamble I'm afraid..." he shakes his head, "Or maybe I'll kill him instead."

"Leave Dean out of this," Cas's eyes blaze.

"So self sacrificing…" he sighs, "How foolish you are."

"You and I both know you'll have to kill me," Cas tells him flatly.

"Why?" He snaps losing patience as his temper gets the better of him, "I make the bloody rules Castiel, there's a reason I am king around here!" His hand tightens.

Cas chokes to breathe, "Fear," he gets out.

"Fear?" Crowley raises a brow.

"If you let me live, even if I become just another one of your errand boys, everyone under you will be aware of how vulnerable you really are," he spits, "that a kid can bring down the king."

"Here's the thing little Cassy," he smirks, "If I do kill you, make an example of you and all that. How will you know if I leave here, hmm? Not like you'll be looking down from heaven by any means."

"It's just another gamble," Cas glares at him dangerously, the cocktail of drugs starting to have an effect.

"I'll know," a voice behind Crowley, states. The butt of the gun colliding with his skull and dropping the man to the floor to reveal John looking like he had been fighting, Cas coughing as the hand at his neck drops away. "Would have been here sooner," he shrugs.

Cas nods, yanking the syringe out of his arm and dropping it to the floor as he struggles to breathe normally.

"Come on, let's get him up." John instructs, Cas just tilting his head in confusion, "We aren't leaving the bastard here Castiel, we're taking him to the cops."

"Ok," he wheezes slightly, swaying a little before the adrenalin kicks in and they hoist Crowley between them, exiting through the cellar doors into the brisk night.

John checks to make sure that Crowley's not armed before they deposit him into the Impala's trunk space, just in case he decides to wake up. The two men piling back into the car as John speeds off towards the station.

"What was all that about in there, Castiel?" John accuses gruffly, "You promised me nothing stupid," he looks at the young man.

Cas just blinks lazily out the window, trying to fight off the feeling of nothingness that was creeping through is veins, "It was the only way."

"The only way," he repeats sternly, "What was your real plan in there, son?" He glances at Cas, "And don't even think about lying."

"I wouldn't."

"Ya did earlier, you just expect to be shot on sight and have me burst in to find you, than kill that son of bitch?"

"No, I thought he would have been gone, I didn't want anyone to get hurt." Cas explains solemnly.

"Except you," John sighs, shaking his head. "Of all the stupid things…where'd my son fit into your suicidal plan?"

"It didn't matter," he iterates carefully, "Dean would come to understand the type of man you are, and everyone would be safe from my misguided actions."

"Or," John offers after a beat, "He'd blame me and himself for not saving you, and I would be damned if I'd let that kind of self loathing manifest and eat away at my son."

"I never asked to be saved."

"Well you clearly needed it!" John bellows at him, "You expect Dean to burry you and move on?"

Castiel remains silent, guilt racking through him at John's words. He had made a plan that he hadn't bothered really pausing for, when the big picture counted in the end.

"I get doing what you can to protect the people you love, I wouldn't be here if I didn't," He looks at Castiel, "But you gotta be aware of every consequence those actions will create, Castiel. You where reckless!"

"Yes, sir."

"Damn right," he nods as they turn a corner.

"Thank you," Cas tells him quietly, John pretending not to hear him.

In the mean time, Dean was getting super impatient; it had been at least two hours of waiting in the small space. His mind supplying him with every horrible outcome imaginable, and it was driving him nuts.

"I can't take this anymore!" He snaps, jumping to his feet and rounding on Bobby and his mom.

"Hunnie," Mary starts.

"No, I need to find Cas, I can't just sit here and do nothing!"

"You lose something?" A rough voice asks.

Dean turning to see John smirking and looking like he got into a pretty bad fight; Cas with him paler than usual, and an unconscious Crowley. Two officers rush up to take custody of the criminal as Dean stares in disbelief at Castiel, John talking to Mary and Bobby.

"Cas," Dean starts, striding towards the other man and pausing before slapping him in the face, "That's for taking my car," he tells him sternly before softening and pulling Cas to him in a tight embrace, "Don't EVER do that to me again!" He warns.

"I'm so sorry Dean," Castiel tells him weakly.

John catches his sons eye over Castiel's shoulder, giving him a nod as Dean mouths a silent Thank you to his father. Then Cas's world goes black.

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><p>:)REVIEW:) (Prob only 1 chapter left! Oh no!)<p> 


	60. Looking for the best way out

AN: You guy are all AWESOME! Be sure to keep an eye out for the next thing, It'll be called like Snapshots or something similar

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><p>Cas wakes up 24 hours later, he blinks around finding himself in his least favorite place and he's all alone. It's dreary out, the sky from his window is a cold gray as a couple flurries fall from the clouds, the weather perfectly matching the mood that was starting to darken him. Castiel went to lift his arm only to find that it was handcuffed to the rail of the hospital bed, he pulled it a couple times listening to it clank and dropping his head against the pillow in frustration.<p>

He still felt extremely tired, but for reasons he couldn't quite put his finger on. Sometime later, how long exactly Castiel couldn't be sure, but Dean appeared in the room with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"You're awake," he greets the dark haired man.

"You're here," Cas rasps, his voice sounding strained even to him.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Dean gives him a look before sitting in the chair next to the bed.

"I dunno," he whispers guiltily looking out the window. The two of them sitting in silence for a while, "Why am I handcuffed?" he wonders aloud, punctuating it by pulling on the cuffs.

Dean smirks a little, "You blacked out before the cops could ask you any questions, so your kind of a suspect till they talk to you," he shrugs, "Oh and suicide watch," he sips his coffee casually, "You had enough drugs in you to kill a small horse."

"I am not suicidal," Cas states gravely.

"Your actions prove otherwise."

"Knowing you're going to die, is a lot different than wanting to, Dean," he sighs.

"The outcome's usually the same," Dean looks at him meaningfully.

"Can we please go home?"

"Not till you're done detoxing."

"It wasn't intentional," Castiel starts, not looking at the other man, "Crowley drugged me something."

"I also know you stole those meds from here," Dean admits a pregnant pause following, "Why Cas? I keep telling myself it wasn't you or it was, but you didn't take them; Even though everything is telling me otherwise."

"I'm sorry," Cas sniffs, "I was weak, Dean…I had to make sure you where safe and I took them, even though I knew it would hurt you."

"That's…"

"I know it's inexcusable, I… it's excusable," He finishes tiredly, sadness coming over him, "Every were I looked there was pain, no matter what road I chose to go down… there was no other option," his eyes well up a little.

Dean sits there quietly; jaw set and brow creased as he pieces together how to phrase his words. "Why did you go to my father and not me?"

Cas squeezes his eyes shut, "I didn't want you to see me," he admits, "after," he adds swallowing.

Again the silence falls over them heavily, Dean nodding in understanding, "Dad told me the rest."

"Oh," he holds his breath waiting for what he thinks is the inevitable.

"I know he gave you a good talking to and all," he starts, "But I want you to get it through that thick skull of yours that you are never alone with this shit, you just gotta talk to me… There's always another option."

"I apologize for putting you through that Dean." Cas tells him earnestly, as they gaze at each other.

"I know," Dean nods sadly, "And you have a lot of making up to do," he smirks a little.

Cas breathes a sigh of relief as the mood in the room starts to shift.

"How you feeling?" he asks resisting the urge to brush the hair off Cas's forehead.

"Tired."

"How do they expect you to pee, if you're hand cuffed?" Dean jokes awkwardly.

"I do not know," he looks at his binding idly, he grabs the stirrer from Dean's cup and picks the lock.

"You are full of surprises."

At that moment, Detective Henriksen enters the hospital room and Cas quickly claps the metal around his wrist again, "Good, you're awake."

He introduces himself to Cas, Dean not really liking the fact that the guy had shown up not an hour after Castiel had woken up.

"I'd like to ask you a few questions," He stands there.

Cas eyes him warily, "Very well."

"Alone if you don't mind," he looks at Dean.

Dean's about to same something when Cas raises his hand to stop him, "I have no secrets from him," Castiel states meaningfully, Dean smiling a little.

"Right," the detective eyes them before launching into his interview.

He asks a few probing questions to gage whether or not he can get the truth out of the man. Ultimately, Castiel has to retell the story, on the record, so they can build a bigger case around Crowley. Dean can see him subtly reliving the entire thing as he tells it. They even go as far as offering to place him in a protection program, but Cas will have nothing to do with it.

It seems like hours before Henriksen finally stands up from the chair and takes his leave making sure to undo the hand cuff, by then Castiel is extremely warn out.

"I thought he'd never leave," Dean jokes, sitting on the edge of Cas's bed.

"I dislike him."

"You don't like anyone."

"That's not true," Cas pulls Dean towards him, the pair adjusting to fit on the small bed. Dean holding the smaller man in his arms as they entwine their fingers, "I will be better," Castiel whispers against his chest, "I've learned my lesson."

"I know babe," Dean kisses the top of his head, "We could always move somewhere else," he offers.

"Like Europe?" He jokes knowingly, as closes his eyes.

END! ?

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><p>:)REVIEW!(: Thanks again, and the next story will continue this verse with random blips of funimportant/ things they do...


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